Caelum

Peace, comfort, familiarity.

There were many reasons that Cae was glad to be back in Denocte. While it wasn't the only place the felt of home to her, it was the one she was most fond of. Perhaps for selfish reasons, but still fondness for the ability to feel at home somewhere without the heavier emotions, heavier feelings, heavier memories waying down that peace. Here there was no loss tainting the memories of certain locations. Here there was no memories of what once was running through the streets. Here, she didn't see phantoms of better times teasing her with the melancholy memory of when she was jaded, innocent, but happy.

Here, bitter loss didn't echo.

She was surveying the Prairie again, as she had begun to do so in her down time, searching out the ideal location to finally make an official home for herself. She had previously gotten by through the use of Inns and boarding houses, but Caelum had been ignoring the fact she couldn't go home at that time. Now, now she knew better, knew that it still wasn't a possibility to return to her own kingdom, and she would be settled into Novus for the foreseeable future - which meant making a home for herself. It had finally been narrowed to two locations for the location of her new home.

Sideralis Prairie or Vitreus Lake.

Both had potential, but today it was the Prairie's day to be surveyed. Or that was her intentions until the familiar musk of a stallion - a stallion she knew well flirted with her nares. She raised her head, wings fluttering as she hovered in the mare, taking note of the tri-colored hue that she could spot out, pick out, from a mile away. How odd that he appeared to be searching her out. Caelum glanced back at the land she had been surveying before shrugging - the grade of hill here was too steep anyway, before heading towards her friend.

"Huehuecoyotl, I had heard you were off and away from Novus for a time."

Not that she could judge, she had been too. She had seen the ruin her land still remained in. But she kept her smile in place, not wanting to thinking on that, wanting to instead focus on the here and now, "How have you been?" She added after getting closer, hovering a little ways from him, wings beating peacefully, "Is your little bride not here? I figured you wouldn't let her out of your sight to often." She added, looking for the tiny creature she knew he was infatuated with.

"Speech"
Thoughts
@Huehuecoyotl
Notes: Kinda bleh, sorry.

Caelum

There was a comfort in friendship.

None aided her heart as much as those from her furthest path though, the ones who knew her story as well as she did - and to her that was Huehuecoyotl, even if he was a bit much to deal with at times. When they were younger, before her own actions had been tempered down by wisdom, and pain, they had caused trouble and fun together. Now, they were still close friends, but both knew that her heart wasn't in the mischief she once played with. Pain left marks that even time couldn't heal.

Her wounds ran deep.

His words were honest, joyful, and she smiled gently as she hovered before him, wings fluttering before she finally touched to the ground, letting her wings gently fall, tucking them along the line of back, letting them fall into a resting position, lightly folded. "It's lovely to see you as well, truly." She responded gently. When he spoke however, her ears tilted forward, hearing him talk about wandering, of experiencing his magic. The mare tilted her head to the side, smiling softly, before she paused when he asked of herself. She watched his eyes tracing her, watching her, and she knew what he was looking for.

She shoved the darkness deeper down.

Layers of false happiness fell between the darkness and her outward expression, lightening her eyes, so they would appear less void, hiding the shadows that crept into the corners of her world, the tug at the corners of her muzzle, the pitch of her head. Happy, think happy. "I have been well . . . returned from visiting home for a little while. Things are growing back well." She replied with a smile, as if the pain of seeing the proclomations on the walls 'Long Live Queen Caelum' hadn't jolted through her like sharp stick. As if the graves hadn't set the scene into melancholy - as if the rubble of what was once her home hadn't crumbled her own resistance.

She was acting, but she was good at it.

He spoke again, and she relaxed gently, smiling and nodding, before pausing when he asked how she was, how she really was. For a moment her muzzle dipped lightly, eyeing him for a moment, before her smile returned, this time it was more practiced, the look of a royal who had to keep the mask in place, a look she wore as naturally as her own expressions, "Some days are a little harder than most, but I've been well enough. Being back in Denocte helps, so I can't complain." She replied casually, her thoughts carefully neutral least something slips.

She was fine, she had to be fine, she couldn't think about them.

She had to smile, this time more real, more soft, almost wistful; when he beamed at the mention of the little doe. She was surprised that he hadn't found her - had gone for Cael first. that same smile returned, and she embraced him gently, friend to friend, "I'm sure you'll locate her soon enough, your fairly tenacious about that. Don't really take no for an answer, and you're quite smitten. Don't push her to the side for me though, friend. I know better than most how little time we can have with our loved ones, remember to spend as much time with her while you can."

Least you go to regret not doing so, like she does.

"Speech"
Thoughts
@Huehuecoyotl
Notes: Kinda bleh, sorry.

Caelum

His words hit her like a ton of bricks to the gut.

Her shoulders straightened, her eyes narrowed, her tiara rose to the sky and she straightened her stance more fully, "I can assure you, Huehuecoyotl, there's no falsehoods to try to convince anyone, nor myself." She didn't need to be psychoanalyzed for the turmoil she lived in constantly, he knew well enough already that she didn't play in that game. His expression was gentle, however, and so while she had straightened her stance, it did keep her voice from being bitter.

He understood anyways, he knew what was at home.

He let loose a sigh, but at his words, her gaze turned away from him, and for a moment a shadow crossed the dark brown depths of her eyes, "There was a painted note, on what was left of one of the castle walls,"
She stated after a moment, "'Long Live Queen Caelum'" She finally admitted, her gaze drawing up towards the sky as a shuttered breath left her, "My mother was the queen, and there's not a kingdom left to rule." It had spurred her to the core, the passionate cry of support written for her to see, for those rogue units to bear witness to. And yet, what good was she to her people.

It had been her fault too, she knew that.

Her replies were casual, clearly more so than he intended to hear. Calling her out on it struck a nerve, and her eyes flashed briefly, "I wouldn't call it an act, you also know that I'm not so blasé with you, so do take care to remembering that." She retorted, a touch sharper than she intended, though she knew he wouldn't hold it against her, he was well, well aware of where she came from, most of her story he had helped pick up the pieces, "I do not think you would betray me, but some wounds remain fresh, and may color the presentation We give." She stated simply, a casual slip into the royal we to reinforce the words more strongly, "We thank you for the concern, but We are capable of watching our own mental state. We do not need such assistance yet, and if We did, We would ask." A subtle caution for him not to push what she wasn't ready to yet give, not just on the state of her own self, but that of her country and people.

But she wasn't so far gone to risk the bad days winning.

Her expression softened at the obvious show of concern, ivory hair gently fluttering in front of the brown eyes that had lost their sparkle so many, many years ago, "I'm not so far lost for you to worry about that. Some days may be dark, but I keep a candle lit on the worst ones so the light can always chase the demons away." She assured, "I'm not searching for a descent into the darkness yet, I promise." She stated after a soft sigh. She eagerly allowed him to turn the words towards Callynite, however, smiling slightly, "She'd be a fool not to let you closer, and truly - I feel that she is no fool, although perhaps a little considering she is fond of you."

His next words were like a slap though, even if a gentle one.

She flicked her ears, sighing, "I love you too, Coyote, you're one of my oldest friends, you know more about me than anyone, but if I really needed to find a strong, and handsome shoulder to lean on, I'm pretty sure I can find better options than you." She teased, even as she stepped forward, pressing her crown against his neck, puffing air from her nostrils against his mane, "But . . . thank you. I'm not ready to discuss anything yet. But . . . if I do need to, I know where you are."

She pulled back, ears flicking, and finally relaxing again.

"I know you mean well, Huehuecoyotl, some of it still just too fresh of a wound to be poking at just yet, and going home reopened it again. I'm getting better though, one day at a time, and I wasn't lying. Being in Denocte, where no one knows me, no one knows my history and my tragedies does help. I can live in peace as a healer, helping others as I've always hoped, and there's no one watching, waiting for me to collapse, to see me falter and fall. And even if there was, you know how stubborn I can be. I'll keep them waiting for an eternity."

Besides, she had to continue to live, because her baby could not.

"Speech"
Thoughts
@Huehuecoyotl
Notes: Kinda bleh, sorry.

Caelum

She could sense the change.

He hides his emotions as well as she does, but just as he could read her, so could she for him. He was an open book that resonated with her from a shared history . . . for him, she was a book he had helped to write the hardest parts for. She sighed gently, tilting her head at his words, at the clear struggle he was facing, and she managed a soft, gentle smile. A momentary rush of warmth that filled her face, and that shy, impish smile touched her muzzle, "Well, you know me, always holding my secrets close. Can't get away with anything when you show your hand to everyone at the table." She reminded gently, even as she brushed her muzzle reassuringly against his shoulder, "I know you worry Coy, if the situation was reversed, I'd be the same. But I'm still strong, I promise, I'm to going to buckle under any weight. I have things to accomplish in life far before I let that happen." Not that anything could happen with her majority being reached anyways. True and proper fae coming into her own. The immortality was set in, and she knew the proper grasping of her magic wasn't very far behind.

Of course, he always knew just what to say.

Her gaze lowered, her neck bowing slightly, a sigh fluttering quietly from her muzzle as she kicked at the dirt with a forelimb, digging up the soil just a touch, "It's more than there not being an entire kingdom . . . It's my fault it is in ruin. I was foolish, we thought we were envinsible, and in the end it cost me everything. How can they cherish me after I led that destruction through our front gates? How could they forgive me for setting those vile beings on our kingdom?" She asked quietly, how could her people forgive her?

She hadn't yet forgiven herself.

His voice shifted, cool and formal, and she paused herself, before breathing softly, shaking her head, "No . . . I'm sorry, you're just . . . you're trying to help, and it's just been a lot of fresh wounds re-opening before I could properly bandage them." She murmured apologetically, the cool and formal tone having hurt more than his words had before.

They didn't get better, as he kept himself more aloof, more cold.

She did have to smile slightly at his acknowledging she wasn't far gone, but she was his friend, even if she flinched faintly at the cool retort of asking forgiveness for carrying to worry. Her gaze flinching as she looked up, muzzle twisting with almost despair at the words, the tone, "I . . . that's not what . . . . Coy . . ." It didn't get better and she took a step back, followed by another, each sentence another stab through her heart, wanting to find the words to apologize, but not sure what to say, where to go. She couldn't talk about, didn't want to hear about it. She just needed a little time to let the wounds reheal enough that they wouldn't be reopened with jagged edges that would take even longer to heal.

Didn't he understand that?

But wasn't it her fault for pushing back? She'd slipped into formality, he'd done the same, and even now the part that resonated with her mother, that demanded she be herself, wanted to rise up with fire and passion and remind him of what happened to those who speak so callously. Wanted to be an imp and crazy and wild, to get that coolness to disappear, and replace with laughter again.

But like always, that side was locked down.

Behind four different doors, eight different boxes, and a thousand different chains, and it left her feeling a shell of uncertainty on what she should do to respond proper. He spoke again, this time his voice softening and as he relaxed, she allowed herself to as well. "I know you will be, and that's why I love you. You're my oldest, and dearest friend, and I know you were only trying to help. It's just . . . too soon to let those wounds weep to heal better. Too fresh still, but I'm getting there. In Novus, in Denocte, I'm healing." Her smile did lighten, and for a moment, that impish gin returned briefly, "I hope Novus is ready for what it's sowing, while it works its healing magic though." She added, a tough of play to her tone, and a single chain breaking free from around that fortress protecting the core of herself.

"Speech"
Thoughts
@Huehuecoyotl
Notes: Kinda bleh, sorry.

Caelum

The past is doomed to repeat.

It's a saying that haunts the female - a worry that she kept buried deep in her core. A fear that she prays wouldn't be true. If the past isn't doomed to repeat, though; then why hadn't she escaped the broken record. Love, happiness, loss, despair - and then repeat. Over, and over again, a cycle that grew in the emotional trauma it left behind. A cycle that was traumatizing, wounding her. Never letting her heal before another round was called upon. Had she done something in a previous life to deserve it?

At least she wasn't skipping alone.

Every time that record needle slipped, bringing her to her knees, she had support. Friends pick her back up, dust her off, and reset the needle to the soundtrack of her life.Perhaps it was why she'd made it this far. Perhaps that was also why this conversation had hit rough water. Both friends knew the other extremely well, they had been friends for years after all. But while that kind of friendship has its upsides, it also made their fights more personal, and their verbal attacks a lot more hurtful. Particularly in cases like this one.

He just wanted to help, she wasn't ready.

His sigh soothed the bruised ego slightly, she allowed the kind words, warm tone, to wrap her in a familiar shelter of friendship and safety. Her smile, however, was still melancholy, "Mother always did tell me to act the part, so when you go for their throats, they are surprised. And always attack with words. A shaken confidence takes longer to heal than a wound." She mused quietly, "But, I also must be strong. For myself, for my people . . ." for my son. His concerned words did make the melancholy worry warm, however, the familiar way he showed his care, helped heal the hurt feelings. She'd forgotten how mothering he could be.

But she could hold out - just a while longer.

"The pressure may be tough at times, but I've shouldered more stress before - but if I ever need a helping hoof, you'll be the first I turn to. Promise." She reminded him, in an attempt to clear his mind, sooth his worries. She would worry, she would help the others first. Whomever they may be. She could worry about herself later. His muzzle touched her hide, but she didn't look up. She may have been young . . . but . . .

But she hadn't been a mere child.

Her actions were her own consequences, or her inactions as it were, when she was so much younger, when her world crashed and burned for the first time. She'd not hide the truths behind a curtain, a veil, while putting the focus of blame on a perceived foolish youth. She'd known better, she'd known she should have done more. She'd never been much of a fool anyway. But she still couldn't imagine what they saw in her. Strength? Passion? She was a shell of her former self! Even she could recognize that! So she didn't respond to his heartfelt words, she just couldn't see that picture, she couldn't move forward and forgive, learn just yet.

She wasn't on that step.

"I don't think I could forget about the past, not even if I wanted to," She admitted, her words quiet, "But worry less, please, I'll be fine. It just takes some time." And it had only just been ripped right open, all of those heartaches at the surface. That kind of pain doesn't just go away with a wish. She wasn't expecting the verbal attack next, however, and his regret didn't lessen the punch that his words had delivered. Even if she didn't hesitate to accept his apology.

It came back to friendship making fights personal.

She gently flicked a filmy wing, though, sending a faceful of fairy dust his way, "Oh, do not be stupid. We have been friends long enough for you to know I feel the same way. We are practically siblings. And I do know you'll be there for me too . . . sappy, idiot." She chided, her words softer, almost playful but not quite. She flicked her tail, as if to chase those darker thoughts away, grasping for a safer, gentler topic, "Now then, onto brighter notes, do you, by chance, know how to build a house?"

"Speech"
Thoughts
@Huehuecoyotl
Notes: Might be a bit all over the place. I wrote it at work between jobs :D