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+---- Thread: [P] behind the glow [fall] (/showthread.php?tid=5190)
behind the glow [fall] - Aspara - 07-02-2020
I was so used to being one of the youngest members of Denocte. The baby. As much as I thought of that word with derision, there was definitely a comfort to it, a freedom in knowing that if you did anything wrong-- anything at all-- ah, well. You could not really hold a baby accountable, could you?
But time marches on. I grew tall and narrow like a reed. More babies were born, and the brief specialness I experienced was eventually passed on to someone else. I should not have felt resentful for someone younger than me, I didn’t want to, but controlling my emotions was beyond me. When I saw the younger girl at the lake, I’m ashamed to say my first reaction was jealousy.
Maeve was pretty, and so very small, and she had the joyful spark of youth which I recognized in myself as fading fast. (I wanted to cling to my spark, but the harder I tried the faster it slipped through my grasp. I don’t understand why life is so heavy, even when it is so wonderful; I had everything I could ever ask for, but still that spark slowly bled from me.) I wanted to ignore her, because ignoring her was the easiest way to ignore my own discomfort. But I could not ignore the way she struggled to light the candle in her lantern.
I glanced around and saw no one to help her, no parental guidance, and I sighed. At this rate she was going to burn herself, or-- knowing what I do now of her lineage-- set the hillside on fire. “Hey there! Here, let me help you.” I plucked my pale blue lantern from the lake’s surface and trotted over to the girl. I leaned in and picked up my candle to light hers. “I like your lantern,” I murmured as I worked, and I hated the vague tone of motherly approval in my voice. Why must I always be so nice?! The girl didn't even need to be placated. “Ready? Make your wish-- now!” I lowered the flame to the unlit wick and-- I couldn’t help myself-- I smiled warmly.
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@Maeve I hope this works! <3
RE: behind the glow [fall] - Maeve - 07-08-2020
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RE: behind the glow [fall] - Aspara - 07-18-2020
I wanted very very much to ask the girl what she had wished for. The tales went that if you told someone your lantern wish, it wouldn’t come true, but of course I didn’t believe in that. I had a deep respect for secrets, but I didn’t delude myself. A secret-- or in this case a wish-- was not magic. It was just a bundle of words and thoughts and feelings, and while it required a delicate touch it was not going to fade away just because it was shared with someone.
In fact the more I thought about it the more it seemed to me that wishes should be said aloud. Sometimes words had a power that came to life on the tongue. But I felt I should not share any of my thoughts with the girl-- it was too beautiful and light a night, and the child probably uninterested in philosophizing.
Maeve nudged me as though I was not already looking at the lanterns as they slowly bobbed in the lake, moving to currents unknown. It was like a strange slow dance, orchestrated by the slightest kiss of the wind or the eddies of fish swimming just below the surface. Captivated, I took a step into the water, and then another. The water was cold but not uncomfortably so. It was orange with lantern light, and as I stepped deeper my skin brightened with the glow. Lanterns bobbed at my knees, bumping into each other in the wake of my steps.
“I know,” I said with a grin when the girl introduced herself. Maeve was the regent’s daughter, the court’s newest baby. Of course I knew who she was. “I’m Aspara.” I glanced over my shoulder, and beckoned to the younger girl with a mischievous smile. “Come on, the lake is pretty shallow on the edges.” I took a few steps further, careful to make sure we would never go deeper than Maeve could touch.
“When I was little my sister and I practically lived in the lake.” Little fish. The memories made my heart do something funny I couldn’t quite describe. Not a pain, not a joy. Not even nostalgia. Just-- something. (what a poor storyteller I am! Mother, I don’t mean to fail you, I promise…) “We pretended to be kelpies. Do you know what a kelpie is?”
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@Maeve
RE: behind the glow [fall] - Maeve - 07-19-2020
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RE: behind the glow [fall] - Aspara - 07-25-2020
It made my heart ache when Maeve’s shoulder brushed gently against mine. It should have been Avesta there at my side. I should have never let us be separated. But we were separated-- my fault for staying-- and the heartache was entirely my own doing. I smiled, sad and thoughtful, and for a moment I was… elsewhere. Far above the lake full of lanterns, far above the rolling prairie and jagged mountains of my youth. I was above the clouds, above the stars. I was far enough away that I could see my sister, a tiny grey blur somewhere across the sea, and I could see myself far below, and I told myself we weren’t really that far apart. It was just a matter of perspective, and I was too close to the matter to see things as they were.
This thought lasted just a moment before I returned, with no small disappointment, to my body and its heartache. Maeve at my side seemingly careless as a butterfly as we walked step by step into the water.
“No, but I know what kelp is. Are they made of kelp?”
It was actually a very logical conclusion to come to, and while ridiculous to imagine a kelpie made of actual kelp, one did have to wonder at the origins of the name. I did not laugh, although the idea was charming. “From what I’ve heard, they aren’t made of kelp. Just flesh and blood like the rest of us.” My smile was warm-- despite my reluctance I began to like Maeve. Being around a younger girl felt… easier, somehow, than the company of most strangers. Maybe it was because looking at her was almost like looking at a younger version of myself. Maybe because I didn’t feel like I had anything to prove to her.
“No, I don’t think they live in the lake.” My nose wrinkled with amusement at the thought. “At least, I’ve personally never seen one here. But there are tales of them surfacing on nights when the moon is full and low, and the water still as glass.” My voice had drawn low and dramatic, my words infused with a drama that was unlike me. I loved a story that was-- if not quite scary-- full of mystery. “It is said that kelpies are more shark than horse, although they look very much like us. Some tribes are known for their extreme beauty, luring unsuspecting mares and stallions into the water where-” I swallowed the graphic details. “they’re never seen again.”
I let the sentence sit dramatically between us for a long second, and then I flicked my tail to splash water on the younger girl. “But don’t worry. Even if there was a kelpie hiding in the deep, we’re protected by all these wishes.” The lanterns bobbed around us, a rainbow of hues all lit with a warm, flickering glow.
“What did you wish for?” I asked finally, because I had been wanting to ever since we set our lanterns afloat-- and I never could resist a good question.
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@Maeve
RE: behind the glow [fall] - Maeve - 07-25-2020
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RE: behind the glow [fall] - Aspara - 07-31-2020
We splashed water at each other, giggling and harmless, surrounded by multicolored lanterns, and although it was a lovely scene I didn’t wholly feel myself. Like I was just pretending to be a girl when really I felt more like a tree, or a stone, or a pile of moss. I guess I had forgotten what it felt like to play, even though I was still practically a baby. But I forced myself to do it for Maeve, and as I repeated the actions they became easier. More natural.
It made me feel good to make her smile. Sadness didn’t suit little Maeve. Maybe it didn’t suit any young girl, myself included, but what could I do. I’d say it wasn’t up to me-- I didn’t want to be sad-- but to be honest I think every emotion is a choice. You can feel it, or you can’t. And to be alive meant to feel, so I threw myself into the feeling.
“Well I think you’re already on the right track, you seem pretty courageous to me.” In terms of courage we both paled in comparison to Avesta, but I wasn’t about to say that out loud. My sister was so courageous, sometimes when I was scared or uncertain I just pictured her there next to me, and I instantly felt safer. Stronger.
Maeve asked me what my wish was, and I smiled sadly. “I wished for the safety of my family.” It was a small lie, and it came out easily. In truth I had wished for my family to be brought back to me. It didn’t even occur to me to specify that they be brought back alive and well, healthy and whole. I felt selfish for leaving out those details, so I fudged the truth a little. “Gods forgive me,” I thought with a glance to the sky and a little smirk, knowing they couldn’t care less. “They went across the sea to bring light to a dark place,” I explained in case she didn’t already know.
It was my turn to change the subject, and I did so swiftly and without remorse. “Want to know a secret? Your momma Morr kind of scares me.” I laughed, remembering the time she had followed Avesta and I into the strange maze. Thinking of how I avoided her (not just her but the others too: Antiope, Moira, Sloane. All the not-Isras) as I slunk around the court like a villain, quiet and brooding. I turned to look behind us at the shoreline, wondering with amusement who the regent was bullying this time. Whatever she was doing, she was out of sight.
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@Maeve <3
RE: behind the glow [fall] - Maeve - 08-05-2020
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RE: behind the glow [fall] - Aspara - 08-07-2020
I didn’t realize how starved for touch I was until Maeve leaned into me just a little harder. It took me back to before Avesta left- we were always tangled up in each other like roots, so close sometimes it was hard to distinguish where I ended and she began. We often slept hip to hip, love happily strangled where all our soft edges pressed against each other.
The last time anyone touched me was Charlie, as we cut through the court like shooting stars, shoulders occasionally bumping in testament to how very nearly out of control we were. We clattered over cobblestone streets that spoke to me of what it was like to watch the time pass.
“It’s fine,” I said with a brave smile, trying not to think of how my loneliness felt even heavier in contrast to the company Maeve provided. It’s temporary, whispered some cruel voice in the back of my head. You’ll only have her for so long, and then she’ll be gone. I tried to ignore that constant sense of impending doom by throwing myself into the conversation, into my body, into the night. “Magic is a wonderful thing, though!” I felt that my magic had so critically shaped my identity, without it I would be someone else entirely. Magic had saved our wolves, transformed our home to magic, opened doors to me and my sister that normally (for better or worse) would have been locked. “It’s only as good or bad as the person wielding it.” I didn’t really like spitting out wisdom like that… it didn’t feel like me, and I surely was not under the impression that I was wise. But something in Maeve brought out a big-sister kind of attitude in me.
“Hey, wanna get out of here before she comes back?” I was not usually what others would consider a bad influence. But I was getting restless and my shoulder was growing hot where it was pressed against hers. I stepped away and began to splash back to the shoreline. “Come on, I want to show you the church tree where I was born!” I felt bad for not giving her any time to protest, but I was confident at the end of the night she would be happy that she chose to go on a little adventure instead of standing around all alone at the lake, waiting for her scary mother to return.
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@Maeve bloop! this was such a fun thread <3
RE: behind the glow [fall] - Maeve - 08-11-2020
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