If anyone has any doubts about their own self-worth, it is Katniss. So much has happened in her life, many of which she wishes she could forget altogether. She wishes she hadn’t abandoned her daughters, she wishes Metaphor hadn’t died, she wishes she had been a better mother, lover, and soldier.

Even at her core, Katniss puts so much stock in friendship. Deep down, Katniss is a genuine individual that seeks companionship in the form of friendship. She had Kibou and she had Fininck, but what Katniss craved even more than that was a connection with someone that wasn’t family or her bonded. She enjoys having idle conversations with others about nothing in particular. It’s freeing. It makes her forget all that has happened in her life and allows her to just be herself, if only for a moment.

So when she saw Kassandra in the champion gathering, she cannot help but wonder if something was amiss. She had spoken to the mare once before and she seemed friendly enough. But at that gathering, she seemed almost conflicted. Katniss couldn’t put her finger on the why or how, but she felt like Kassandra might need a friend or guidance.

It was this thought that brought her into the center of the court on his early morning. She meandered idly, looking for the blue and silver mare. She can hear the citizens as they awake and begin to go about their day. She can hear the laughter of children and the scolding of mothers. It brings her peace. But none of it belongs to Kassandra.

Eventually, she finds the mare and steps closer. Once at a respectable distance, she offers the mare a smile and a dip of her head in greeting. “Good morning Kassandra. Might I have a word with you?” She doesn’t know how to approach the topic and her mind is still sifting through all possible ways to start the conversation. She motions to her satchel and for a quiet patch of grass beneath a towering oak. “Will you share a meal with me?” Food was always something that won over her own heart, so just maybe she might appreciate the gesture. Katniss only wanted to make the meeting feel like a meeting of friends rather than an intervention.

@Kassandra

Even though the silver black mare is a warrior, she is a soft sort of creature. She is most certainly her mother’s daughter and it shows. Her mother had a kind soul and offered everyone she encountered some respect, even if they did not deserve it. Her mother’s feathers rarely got ruffled and when they did, it was because someone had threatened her own children. She was the best mother, a mother Katniss did not deserve. And yet, she loved Jaye. She loved her unconditionally.

It was because of her mother’s empathy that Katniss is softer than most soldiers. She has a way about people that makes them easy to talk to, easy to read, and always feeling relaxed in her presence. Katniss was a strange soldier in the sense that she used her honest nature to try to talk diplomacy before battle. Most would run hard into the front lines of battle while Katniss preferred less aggressive measures if at all possible. When those failed, she would act as she had been trained.

It was this empathetic side of her that had brought her to seek out Kassandra on this very beautiful morning. Katniss knew something was wrong, even if she didn’t understand the details. She wanted to speak to the blue and silver mare, but in a way that the mare wouldn’t feel threatened or pushed in a corner. She wanted to let her know that she had Katniss as a friend, an ear to listen to, and a shoulder to cry on. She wanted the mare to know that she was not alone, no matter what troubled her.

Thankfully, Kassandra was willing to sit with her and share a meal. Katniss offered her a fine smile, genuine and full of hope and joy. She leads the other to the grassy spot beneath the tall oak before lowering herself to the ground. When the other has finally joined her, she begins to unpack the spread she has prepared. It’s simple, bread and jam with some assorted fruits and nuts. It’s not the breakfast of a queen, but it’s an delicious one.

When Kassandra begins to speak, apologizing for not being able to provide any food for this picnic, Katniss shakes her head softly. “There is no need to apologize. I have more than enough for us both. Please, enjoy.” She motions at the food before she takes a slice of the fresh French loaf and spreads a heaping layer of apple jam on it. She bites into it, allowing the sweetness of the flavors to saturate her senses before she finally swallows. She gives Kassandra a little time to gather her breakfast, showing her that all was well by eating some herself. Finnick, ever watchful, perches himself in the oak as he looks down at his bonded. He hopes that there is leftovers because apple jam is his favorite. Katniss can hear the way he practically drools above her and for a moment, her eyes glance up at him, offering him a glare of warning. This was not for him.

But before she can breech the subject of why she has called Kassandra here, the mare is already speaking. Katniss turns her attention back to the other, listening quietly. She sighs softly when she is finish, thinking thoughtfully. “Denocte’s interests have always been my own. While so many things have changed, my goal still remains the same. I still want Denocte to thrive. I will always support my court, in whatever way it demands of me. There is no need to tank me for putting Denocte first, it is only sensible and right.” Katniss had always been uncomfortable when she was paid compliments. Never did she do an action for recognition, only because it was what her heart told her was right and true. Perhaps that is why she hates her title of Champion. Even in the core of her soul, she is just a soldier, fighting for her home and her freedom. The title puts her on a pedestal, something she doesn’t’ feel like she deserves.

But this meeting was not to puff up her feathers or her ego. This was about friendship. As Katniss has said, she will always do what is right for her home. Right now, that meant showing Kassandra that she was a friend. “…but I did not call you here this morning to talk about myself.” Her voice is soft, and there is a sense of uncertainty present, much more likened to nervousness rather than true uncertainty. “At the gathering, I noticed you seemed a little off, not really like yourself.” While Kassandra was not her best friend and their conversations had never been deep or frequent, she still noticed that something was not quite right. “I won’t’ pretend I know why, nor will I ask you to share, but I want you to know my hut is always opened. I will always have the time to sit and listen. And if there is anything I can do to make you smile again, please let me know and I will do it.” She wants to see the sparkle in her eye again, the hope and joy filling her soul. She just wants to let her know that she is here and available to be whatever Kassandra needs her to be.

@Kassandra

It is soothing to see the blue and silver mare finally begin to settle into her seat and prepare her meal. She smiles at the way she offers the food to the canine and already she can hear the way Finnick protests. If her bonded can have food, why can’t he? Katniss wants to bore her eyes into him but instead settles on words thick with judgement, but only for his ears to hear. “Not now, Finnick. You will get leftovers if you are patient. Please be so.” The branches rustle above them as the eagle hops onto a higher branch. He’s tempted to spread his wings and fly away, but he stays where he is. After all, his bonded needs protection…from what, he is unsure.

The other begins to nibble on an apple and Katniss wants to tell her to indulge herself, but she has this inkling feeling that the mare is eating all she wants for now. So Katniss says nothing, at least not about her lack of appetite. “Please, it’s just Katniss.” She has never liked the idea of titles, putting herself above everyone else on some sort of pedestal. Some like the way it makes them feel above the rest, but Katniss still feels like just another individual. Sure, she might have duties that supersede another’s, but Katniss does not feel as though she is above anyone else.

But Katniss continues, choosing not to focus on the title, or the praise the other offers her. While Katniss has never really considered herself a humble person, she supposes that many might call her such a thing when she was being was herself, true to her very nature at her core.

But again, they are not here to discuss herself. Katniss can see the way the other seems to recoil at the idea that she had come to talk about the other. Katniss can tell she’s made Kassandra uncomfortable and she tries to put the mare’s fears aside, telling her she had not come to any sort of explanation about why she did not seem herself. In the end, it didn’t matter. Katniss didn’t need to know why and it certainly wasn’t her place and she recognized that.

Kassandra begins to speak, saying that since the coronation, she has been unable to settle. Katniss looks at her concerned, her eyes soft and wishing only that she could make the other feel better. She goes on to explain that she had been unable to sleep, but that she shouldn’t trouble herself with her issues. Katniss sighs. “I may be a soldier, but I cannot help my desire to heal as well.” She quiet a moment as she take another bite of bread and jam. “I know a good medic here in Denocte. Maybe she can give you something to help you find rest - rest is so important for the healing of both physical and emotional wounds.” She knows that Kassandra is holding back, but she doesn’t want to be rude and pry.

In the end, Katniss knows that the best way to build trust was to offer up something in exchange. Not many know of her darkest times, when she felt as though the world was ending…of when she thought about throwing herself off the mountain. “I lost someone very dear to me several years ago. He was taken from me prematurely and left me with a son to raise without a father…” She can feel the tear begin to build in the corner of her eye and she blinks so not to appear as though she wanted to cry. “After his untimely death, I slipped into a dark depression. I did not eat, I did not sleep, I could not find joy in anything…not even the son I felt move in my womb.” She looked away for a moment. It was so hard to talk about the darkest part of her life. But she needed to share this information. She needed to build trust with Kassandra. “Many times I thought about jumping off the mountain so I might be with him again. It was a very dark time in my life and I didn’t have anyone to be a friend to me.” She sighed a moment before she rose her gaze to settle on Kassandra. “I just don’t want you to feel as though you are all alone. I am here for you. I can be whatever and whoever you need.” Whether it be a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, or just a presence. Katniss didn’t have to know the specifics, but she would be there for her herd - in all ways, not just on the battlefield. She could only hope Kassandra saw that and believed it.

@Kassandra

Katniss did not miss the way Kassandra was refusing the meal. She knew that feeling. She had been there. She did not find it rude, but she was very thankful she at least tried. Even if she did not have an appetite, her bonded did. Katniss could see the way he laid his eyes on the food, asking, begging, for just another nibble. While she could understand the other, his body language spoke volumes. “Help yourself…there is plenty.” Her eyes rested on the canine, encouraging him to eat his fill. He could hear Finnick in the tree tops above, mumbling beneath his breath about how he wanted some food too. Katniss had already told him he could have the leftovers and if there was not, Katniss would provide some for him. He clearly did not like that answer and jumped to a higher branch out of spite.

The conversation easily moved to Katniss suggesting that the other see a medic. A sleeping potion of some kind might help her. And when she finally seems to agree, Katniss cannot help but smile softly. “Her name is Luvena. Tell her I sent you for some sleeping tea.” The herbs in the tea would help her sleep and the warmth of the tea would soothe her digestion. Metaphor had made a tea for every ailment and injury. He always said tea would cure anything with the right ingredients. Oh how he missed him! Her heart ached for him in this moment, but it was overshadowed by joy at the thought that her son was quickly picking up the knowledge his father had left behind.

It is in this moment that she speaks of her loss, of her fight to be happy again, of her will to live. While her story starts off as one of sadness, she hopes the other can see the promise of hope and a future. Despite her depression, Katniss has overcome her obstacles and now, she wouldn’t dream of leaping off the mountain. She found joy in her son, in her court, and in the relationships she had. The curtains had been pulled open and just in time. For any longer in her depression and Katniss would not be here sharing her story.

What Katniss had not anticipated was for Kassandra to feel as though her troubles were less than her own. Everyone had their own troubles and it was not right to judge them on the same scale. Everyone was different and their degree to cope varied. “I care…” It may not mean much, but Katniss cared. “I have never been one to believe in gods. The soldier in me does not like the notion that they can sit up in the stars and order us around without having suffered through what we have.” She pauses a little, her eyes resting softly on the other. “It is hard for me to respect a leader who does not fight alongside her people.” And there it was, the truth about her feelings on the Gods. While she respected that many held them in such high standards and elevated them on pedestals, Katniss could not truly respect them until they too came to live amongst their people.

@Kassandra – because this is an amazing thread <3