Look Forward... Trust Yourself... Find Peace

Polar North sighed as she walked. There was so much in her mind, her thoughts a chaotic jumble as she tried to understand the words that had come from her sister and those that she felt as she had grown up. She was unsure as to what she was supposed to believe, unsure of who she really was. Was she a member of an alien race that swam in the icy oceans? Sure, but did she really know what that meant? Nope. No idea at all. The idea of the ocean was enough to make her feel the start of her anxiety begin to clench at her form like the tentacles of a octopus. Her muscles tightened to the point where she was forced to halt on her journey. Closing her dual lavender eyes, the reptilian mare focused on her breathing and trying to calm from the panic that was threatening to engulf her like a tsunami sized wave. She was a poor excuse for an aquatic creature, more at home on the soil and in the air than she was in the environment that she had literally been born for.

A soft sigh escaped her maw, the air caressing her sharp teeth and cool lips as it passed through. She had eaten a small meal before leaving home, not wanting to upset her already anxious stomach further. Listening to her sister and the happiness that she felt as she learned more about the world that their species had once called home, Pol felt the need to figure out her beliefs and understand the realm that she now aligned with. The goddess that she had come to love.

Entering the area that seemed like a shrine, she headed straight to the statue of the goddess that she had come to love. Even though she had been born far from the realm of Novus, she had found that she understood the dark goddess. The stories that she had heard about the lady had resonated with her, had been words that made so much sense to the abandoned pup that she had been. Unwanted, unloved... Pushed from those that she cared for. The pain of those memories was like a knife to her heart and it was all that she could do to not curl into the pain at that very moment.

"Caligo... Lady of Night. This has been put off longer than I anticipated. I have much that I need to say, that I want to speak to you about. Much that needs to be dealt with in my past and heart. You might not know my name, as I have been rather quiet, sticking to the background rather than stepping forward in the court, and in life. I am Polar North. I am a Vapor Treader from far beyond the realm of Novus." She began, her eyes closed as she pressed her side to the statue for support, to give her a feeling of connection to the mare that was the goddess of Night.

"I have so much pain to try to work through, Caligo... So much hurt and betrayal... Abandonment..." Her words were broken, emotions wrapping themselves around the sounds from her maw. "They left me to die. After watching my mother die to protect me. Even Bella... Bella abandoned me to the ice and death. To the cold embrace of the lands that we had called home. I know it wasnt her decision, but I still have so much pain where she is concerned. Hatred for Ice Shard for what he did to me. Bitterness toward my father for not even caring that I was gone. Fear of the ocean and what is within it. So many emotions that I fight with every day. I feel like I have lost my anchor, my past is a mess that breaks me when I think too hard about it. I want to help others, but a large part of me is afraid that I am too broken to be of any use to anyone. I need guidance... Someone that cares outside of Bella. I love my sister, but seeing her is still so hard. I spent so many years with the pain and resentment as my only companions. How do I move forward?" Her words were mingled with the tears that were flowing down her cheeks. The stone she rested against felt warm against her pelt and it made her feel connected to the goddess. Rather than leave once she had spoken, the little aquatic mare curled at Caligo's feet and wept.


"Speaking"
@Random Events
Notes: This is open if anyone wants to jump in and speak to Pol... She is a bit of a mess XD

Look Forward... Trust Yourself... Find Peace

The well of tears finally ran dry, the emotions making her sleepy as she laid at the feet of her cherished goddess. There was a large part of her that wanted nothing more than to hide deep in the temple area where she was invisible to the world. Where she wasnt expected to deal with the chaos that surrounded her past.

"Caligo... Why does it take pain to grow into the mature healer that I want to be. I want nothing more than to make you proud and be someone that is more than capable to deal with pain and trauma. Seeing Bella... It hurts. I cant figure out how to move forward with the past and what happened. I wish that I could hear your voice, Caligo. I could use the kindness of a friend. Someone that can give me honest advice and help me work through the traumas of my past. Part of me wants to see Shard just to make peace. I dont find that I hate him anymore. I am hurt from the events, but I have found that I am not as angry. I have forgiven Bella... But my father and Shard are still a hard area for me." She murmured as she pressed against the statue of the goddess. There was a part of her that wished she could speak to the goddess for real, another part that wished that she was speaking to her mother. A soft snort escaped her nares as she imagined what it would be like to be a daughter of Caligo.

She felt certain that she was the outcast that Caligo had been. There was a serious connection that the little mare had with the goddess and she cherished the connection. It gave her a feeling of belonging and that alone helped her get through the trauma of her past.

"Speaking"
@Random Events
Notes: This is open if anyone wants to jump in and speak to Pol... She is a bit of a mess XD