Caelum

The sun had barely started to rise.

Color dotted the horizon, bright and cheerful, full of wonder and the promise of a new day. The colors didn't melt the frozen heart. They didn't make the fae smile; they didn't inspire any sort of reaction from the mare who'd already been up for a few hours. She stretched in the coolness of the autumn morning instead, one limb and then the next, unkinking and realigning the vertebra of her spine, her neck. Her head was tossed back, chocolate eyes dull from the pain of nightmares through the night, as she shook her mane into a better array, letting the long forelock fall loosely over her gaze, shielding the lack of a proper emotional response from the few in Denocte who would recognize the symptoms of a long night of no rest.

It wasn't uncommon after all.

But last night had been worse than normal, and at the moment, Caelum just needed an escape, a short escape, to regather herself, her thoughts, her memories. To bind it all into a tight ball, as small as she could make it before shoving that ball into the depths of her self-conscious so she could once more wear her brave face without it slipping into an emotionless void when she wasn't paying attention. A few hours, to regather, to recenter, to let the magic that Novus held over her do its work and settle her mind, soothe the frayed ends of her tattered heart, and help her forget the visions, the memories that had danced through her mind.

She should have known it would happen.

She'd gone home, she'd seen the graves, she'd returned to where her life had shattered, her heart had been ripped out and burned, and she had done what she needed on autopilot there, she hadn't taken time to mourn silently, she hadn't had the time with those who hunted her sniffing her out when they realized she'd shown back up on the Seelie Lands. The fae had to cut her visit short when they'd treaded too close to her, and now the feeling of betrayal, of ignoring them, ignoring the past had raised the memories from their locked box. Had forced her to relive their last moments. Arson sacrificing himself so she could get away from the bandits after their fairy wings. Convallis falling with a pitiful cry of 'mommy' as she was unable to reach him before her baby fell, Calico, attacking with a vengeance before he was robbed from her by those teeth stained with her baby's blood. She'd woken to the memory of Trey standing bloodied, a corpse showing every wound he'd received when fighting to the death to keep her safe. He didn't say anything, just stared at her with his red eyes, silently watching, as if suggesting she'd forgotten him.

As if she could ever forget him.

But now, for just a few days, she wanted to. She wanted a chance to breathe, a chance to resettle her mind, to let Novus reheal the wounds that had been opened by seeing her kingdom in ruins again. Her wings snapped out, delicate film flapping as she lept into the air, easily catching her weight and carrying her up, and up, and up in that dawn sky. Her wings carried her further out of Denocte, making her way to Ruris, to Eluetheria Plain where she could let the simple, peaceful land settle her mind and settle her heart. Wings fluttered quickly, her mane and tail whipping behind her, banners of ivory signaling her request of mercy to the pain. Fairy dust trailed delicately through the air, shedding off of her wings with each flap as she crossed the realms easily. It didn't take her too long to get where she was going.

A year had passed, and she still knew Novus.

It was proof of how much she liked the land that had done so much to help her, how it worked to settle her thoughts and soothe the pain, help her feel more alive like it would be okay eventually. And some days were excellent - when she could laugh and dance around others, impish and playful, a true fae to the name. But it would take a little time for the reopened wounds to heal enough for her days to be anything more than passable, a few weeks to remember she didn't need to feel guilty, she didn't need to feel like she forgot, because she couldn't forget.

Her wings angled her down to the plains.

She didn't touch down, wings humming to keep her afloat a few inches off of the ground, even as she trotted through the air. She breathed in the early morning air, the chill that clutched at her lungs, as the peaceful sounds of the plains just waking up helped chase away the last of the shadows remaining from the nightmare. A smile started to twitch to life, even if her eyes remained dull for the time being. She allowed her hooves to touch the ground, carefully checking and not seeing anyone nearby. Another deep breath, another forcefully full body shake, starting from the top of her mane and ending at the base of her tail. Mentally she was recentering herself, gathering the pain and memories the nightmares had dredged up and once more burying them deep into her subconscious. Even asleep, they would be untouchable.

The tension fell off her shoulders.

Less tense, less stressed, less struggling with each step. It wasn't perfect; it rarely was on these harder days, but it was enough to help her replace her mask, finally faking the expression of contentment, using it to disguise just how void of emotion she usually was deep down inside, how emotionless she'd become most of the time to keep from living in the constant emotional pain of her past. It was a mask built on her mother's knee, the mask of a royal who couldn't let the subjects see when something was wrong: flawless, too perfect, artificial. As artificial as she felt when she introduced herself fully - Princess of a dead kingdom more like. Can she really call herself the Light of Summer if the Summer Court had been so hopelessly destroyed? You can remove the princess from the country, but you can't take that training from her actions. And a part of her was glad; she'd use that mask to pretend like she was okay, like she was fine like she was another oblivious little mare who didn't know any better about the real darkness of the world.

Better than being a warrior with survivors' guilt.

"Speech"
Thoughts
@Leviathan
Notes: No idea what will happen but I'm fairly excited to find out