Private it's you, it's always been you

salome de la rosa

enough with the lies tell me one
more time my blood your line is this you inside

year had passed. A year. She had kept him waiting for that entire year, so it stood to reason he would have moved on. Salome did not know why she came back. If Gareth had indeed moved on, it would cause them both pain to see each other. It would cause her to be angry if he told her he had a new love. But. She had to try.

Salome did not know what would be expected when she found him. It had taken the better part of a week to track him down and here he was... The same location. The same mountains. The same features of the man - weary but busy. This time, she stood right where he could see her. She did not run. "Gareth." Salome's words were a clear whisper in the night, her hood down. He could see her. The long ears, the feathered mane... And also the red pupils.

The fangs.

Her curse.

She stood a few paces away, hesitating. As much as she longed to run, to embrace him... She shouldn't. He would be mad. He might have waited long, but she had been a coward. She had run away. I'm sorry she wanted to wail at him, but knew that his reaction to her presence would be enough to know how to proceed. If he reacted negatively, she would know. If he stood and stared before anger, she would know. But there was a sliver of chance.

She had to take it.

RE: it's you, it's always been you - Gareth - 10-03-2021

G A R E T H

The cool air of the mountains made the stallion feel alive again. Though winter would soon be upon them again, the last vestiges of fall still kept the atmosphere warm and pleasant as he went about his work. Gareth had been a sour beast when last he came from his second home, and he had been harsh to Luvena. It was not his nature to be so terse with women, or with others in general, and she had not deserved his curt tongue. He had been speaking from a place of hurt, pain that had grown heavy in his chest and had cracked him open.

After the year he had spent in his cabin, mulling and licking his own wounds - the heart always takes so long to heal, and always longer than one believes it will- he was finally feeling something of himself again. She deserved an apology and an offering to make things right. Short of an olive branch, the best he could do would be to gather her medicinal supplies she may have needed. While the woman was strong, there was no question about that in his mind, there were simply ingredients that required more time in the wilderness to coax into one’s bag. She would be appreciative, and hopefully forgive him his behaviour.

He had taken the time to heal himself, after all, and coming out of his shell was an even more warm and genuine man. A man who was seeking to establish his place firmly within the world and with the people in it. The thought of making himself useful to Luvena, and in turn the denizens of the Night Court filled him with a love and appreciation that had been missing in his life. It warmed him in a way that he had not felt in a long time. In the same way that she had.

As if conjured by the mere thought of her, there she was. Magic it was, the way the full moon reflected on her dark coat, illuminating the features he had loved so much. But she was far more gaunt than he remembered. Salome had always been a petite figure, and perhaps it was that delicateness that had always bred in him the desire to protect her. There was no delicateness to her now. She was frail, but in a distinctly predatory way. The way she held herself spoke loudly to any creature that she was a huntress to be wary of, to fear.

There was no fear to be found in his gaze, though. Pain. Unadulterated pain filled his being and the facade of health he had built around his heart absolutely shattered. The brute wept openly, tears clouding his vision perhaps in an attempt to wipe away the visage of love like a mirage before him. They did him little good. The tears choked his throat and twisted his gut and they came so freely. A river of tears, a torrent. All of the hurt that he had kept to himself over the years came forward in a rush and there was no stopping what had begun. The years of loving her secretly, of thinking her gone, of being abandoned a second time with so many questions in his mind and on his heart.

Yet, here she was. Plain as any night blooming flower brought to its full beauty by the moon. And beauty had always become Salome, even now, tinged with danger though it was. His instincts were sharp, and Gareth had always been an admittedly superstitious boy. He knew without having to know exactly what she was. Somehow it didn’t matter to him if she was, indeed, a bloodlusting night beast come to finally whisk away his soul to an eternal darkness. She was here now, in a space that had been empty for far too long.

“Why?” It was the only thing he could manage to wrestle free from the knot that tied his tongue. It was a broken word that felt like shards of glass as it hung in the air. There was no anger, no spite. He could never be angry with her, not this mare he had known and loved and cherished. But the rawness left open like a burn that could not heal, that awful pain came from him in waves. It somehow made his massive frame seem so very small, dwarfed by this feeling that cascaded the expanse between them.

The question remained in the air, the only clear thought he could bring to truth. If Noor had been with him, he would have leaned on the elk for support. But of course she would come when his only friend had taken time away. Of course she would appear when the whole thing could be a fever dream written away as fiction of a broken heart.

He had thought himself healed. How very wrong he had been.

He was agony in the shape of a man.

"Speech" | @~~Salome~~ | You're welcome ?

RE: it's you, it's always been you - Salome - 10-04-2021

salome de la rosa

enough with the lies tell me one
more time my blood your line is this you inside

hy, he said. Salome's expression did not waver. Pain radiated from the man - that was her doing. She did this. Caused all this... because she had been weak. She had been too weak to do anything right. If she could manage to cry, she know she'd weep tears of blood. That wasn't what he needed though. He required more than this, more than what she had previously given him.

"Because" she tries to sum it up, but does not excuse herself. She knows she had done wrong. She knows she owes him something. "I was afraid" Salome keeps her distance, her eyes staying on Gareth and Gareth alone. There is regret there, pain and untold suffering - but it is a mere reflection of his own suffering. Yes, the pain is real. The regret too. But she cannot be vain; the woman knows he suffered much more than she had. "I was a coward."

In a way, she still was. "So I ran" Salome adds, her gaze slipping from his and to the earth between them. Holding it there. "I thought it would be easier. To spare you, so you didn't have to lose the image of who I once had been. Of what I had been" but the woman takes in a ragged, sarcastic breath "but that was not my choice to make. Not alone. It was unfair to you, Gareth. I am sorry. For that. For everything. I should have said something. I was afraid..." she repeats, raising her eyes.

This time, true pain. Her lids flicker briefly, blinking away tears. Refusing to let the man see just how weak she felt. If this was to be their parting, she wanted it to be as painless as possible. With no guilt. No suffering - even if that was unavoidable. "I shouldn't have run from you. I should have trusted you with the truth."

RE: it's you, it's always been you - Gareth - 10-09-2021

G A R E T H

The brute stood there, knees beginning to shake. Whether it was from sorrow or from the sudden rush of anger - a feeling usually foreign to him- he was unsure. He let the delicate woman finish her thoughts and allowed the silence to stretch far between them. A cool breeze rustled the feathers at his hooves, bringing with it a slow moving cloud. He watched as the shadow moved across the grassy expanse of the glen him and his once childhood friend shared. It seemed an eternity before the fingers of the night clutched at the brightness of the moon and dimmed her light.

It was as if Caligo herself thought that this exchange should be had in secret. Under cover of darkness. Hidden away from everyone and everything. The thought broke him, and a dark, raspy chuckle started low in his throat. Once it started, though, it quickly boiled over and what could only be the sound of madness and heartbreak ripped from his chest in a torrent.

Gareth had always been a gentle soul. Had always been patient and kind. But this explanation she had given him, it twisted something deep in his gut and turned him over. Anger was often something he kept to himself, never to indulge in with his size. His strength would just have run rampant. Perhaps he would have held more control had Noor been with him. Perhaps he would have not allowed things to hurt this much had he honestly healed and not just poorly bandaged the wounds on his heart.

“That is such bullshit, Salome,” he spat the words, callously. Perhaps it was the fact that he could barely see her form now as the moon desperately tried to seek shelter from the two. He drew himself up to his full height, his vocals shaking with the rage of a broken man, tears still flowing freely.

“How selfish could you possibly be?” He took a single step forward, closing the distance between them to half in that single stride. “How absolutely childish. If you had truly wanted to ‘spare me’ whatever in all the nine hells that could possibly mean,” He took another step, now just in front of her, towering. The heat from his body, the pounding of his heart surely a beacon in the darkness for her. Surely this predator woman would have had no trouble seeing him in ways he could not possibly fathom.

Gareth dropped his voice low, a dark whisper. “You wouldn’t have shown your face to begin with. You would not have promised me answers and then left.” His knotted tail flicked viciously behind him, the thick thud against his rump somewhat grounding.

“So start by being honest with yourself first, Salome. I believe that you were a coward then, but I also believe you are a coward now. You speak of trust, but you harbor none. You want my trust?” His voice broke, and all the anger that had brought him to her simply left his body. He slumped as if all the energy had been pulled like a string, unraveling him. The moon started to break free from the clouds and the first thing illuminated was her.

He ached to reach down and press his muzzle to her, to make sure that she was real. He had heard from so many that the unhealed heart finds ways to force you to face your demons, so it was possible this was just one such occasion. Seeing her, to be this close to her for the first time in all of these years, it stripped him down to that young colt who laid eyes on her the very first time.

Gods was he tired. Tired of pretending he didn’t still love her. That he had moved on, and held no space for her. He was damaged by her actions, and still further by her words, but his own tongue lashing would do nothing to soothe either of them. It merely left more wounds on the heart.

The great brute’s knees finally buckled and he went to the ground, now face to face with the vampire woman. His words came in a weak, airy breath. “How on earth do I trust you again?”

"Speech" | @~~Salome~~ |

RE: it's you, it's always been you - Salome - 10-09-2021

salome de la rosa

enough with the lies tell me one
more time my blood your line is this you inside

e comes closer, after spouting his rage. His anger. Salome refuses to leave. She refuses to show her own anger. It bubbles to the surface once before being pushed back down. Gareth is right. He was right. She was a coward. She didn't have the capacity to make him trust her. Maybe she wasn't asking him to trust her. Maybe this whole thing had been a mistake.

"Yes" the woman says quietly, having dropped her gaze when he was before her. She reared back now, looking at him. Not defiantly, but defeated "I was a coward. I still am a coward, you're right" a pause "I am not asking you to trust me, Gareth. I don't know what I'm asking of you. I don't even know why I am standing here" because it was clear to her that he held nothing but contempt for her now "if... you don't want anything to do with me, I will leave."

It was perhaps the only thing she could promise him, as selfish as that was.

"I thought I could ignore what happened. I thought... I thought I could continue on, believing nothing had. When I saw you again" she trails off, frowning. It woke up hunger. "it doesn't matter" she soldiers on best she could "the point was, I didn't... want anything to change. I wanted to go back to standing in the sun. With you. Only you. But things have changed. I promised you answers. I didn't give them to you."

She was ashamed she ran. She thought that nothing in this world would scare her now. But that wasn't true. There was only one thing that scared her; facing what had happened. Accepting it and moving on. But without Gareth... she did not want to move on. She could feel his blood flowing, hot. She swallows, glancing away again. She doesn't want to see the veins beneath his coat. "I wanted to release you" she murmurs to the man "so you can stand in the sun."

Without her.

"Because I can't" it wasn't right to ask him to give up anything for her "I was ashamed. You did nothing wrong, Gareth. This... this isn't your fault. It's mine. I am ashamed" I'll just end up hurting you "I should have done things differently. It isn't right to place that on you, to make assumptions of what you'd do. If you want to know the truth now, I will give it to you." But be prepared for it to never leave one's mind.

"Gareth, I was scared you'd reject me" Salome's eyes turned to him again, an underlying fear welling up "I didn't want to face you. The thought of you turning away from me hurt. But it was only a thought - I shouldn't have become so consumed by it. But... the truth is, I care for you. Deeply. As... As" pink tints her cheeks "more than friends."

RE: it's you, it's always been you - Gareth - 10-09-2021

G A R E T H

The brightest summer sun. That was his first memory of her. They were nothing more than children, and even at that age Gareth had always been the beefy brute among their herd. Long, thick pistons and a pronounced face, girthy in the middle, but somehow still gangly as children always are in those early days. The bees had been busy and the local plantlife had been springing brightly to blooms ready for the picking. He had been listening to the lecture his grandmother was giving on the differences in medicinal and poisonous flowers when he saw her.

She had been so small and so beautiful even then. Her ears, which would have been comically large on any other filly, somehow seemed perfect on her. It was as if Caligo had crafted her visage from a clear night sky and placed her upon the earth, and he knew in that moment that he must protect her. His grandmother had caught him watching the young girl and smiled widely. She explained that Salome -what a lovely name, a kiss of honey on the tongue- was gifted as no other in their herd had been before. She was to be their most precious diviner, to bring the kind of greatness only the old gods knew of.

Gareth would mull over those feelings for days before finally approaching the filly to introduce himself as their herbalist in training. That if she desired a quiet place to study he knew a few places that she might find accommodating. He tried to be as polite as possible, not wanting to push her, not wanting to seem so eager as he had seen other young colts who wanted to vye for her attention. Still, when she had agreed to be shown these beautiful places, he had been delighted, and the first time he made her laugh he knew that he would love her then and from every moment thereon.

The memory faded and he was under the clear moonlight, on his knees before the woman he thought he would never see again. The childhood friend who had brought him so many memories of private joy and wonder. The figure who now held herself as a dangerous predator, who avoided his gaze and dodged his questions with more words to confuse his heart than he thought possible.

It pained him to see her this way, but he knew, in the way that she spoke, there was more to tell. He was so close to her now and all of his emotions came crashing down. Tentatively, he lifted his muzzle, stopping just short of pressing it to her dished face. She was so delicate, gods. Even more than she had ever been in their youth, it had never really occurred to him just how much bigger he was. He exhaled softly, his breath stirring the fine hairs of her mane.

The confession tumbled through his mind and sputtered in his heart. Anguish came first. A feeling of betrayal. Why had she not spoken before now? If she had truly felt this way, why had she not told him in confidence before she had been whisked away? Before everything had changed. More than that, though, he knew that she was speaking in half truths again. She would not be so concerned with his rejection if there was not something more. He had an inkling, being as close to her as he was now. But he needed to hear it from her. He needed her to be honest and to tell him the whole truth.

He stayed as he was, very careful not to touch her, as much as he ached to do so. He took in a deep breath, shaking as he spoke softly to her.

“Salome… My sweet Salome. I have always loved you.” To say it aloud in this way was startling. It made it real. His heart swelled and burst. Tears that had begun to dry started anew, but not tainted with anger or sorrow. It was tenderness and release. “I have always loved you,” he repeated, his lyrics thick with emotion. “So tell me what it is that you find so deplorable that you must hide from me.”

"Speech" | @~~Salome~~ |

RE: it's you, it's always been you - Salome - 10-09-2021

salome de la rosa

enough with the lies tell me one
more time my blood your line is this you inside

sharp intake of breath she hadn't realized she held. Salome could feel his heat, radiating from his body. How easy it would be to simply take from him. He was vulnerable, too close. So close... She bit back a trembling breath. It was not fair that they spoke sweet now, when she realized it was her fault it would be crashing down. "I love you too, Gareth." she tries to resist the crash. Waiting and wanting this moment to last forever.

"I waited so long for you to say that to me" she shuddered under the emotions in her own chest. But she did not reach for him like she wanted. She didn't blame him for not saying it sooner; how could she begin to blame him? "but perhaps I should have been the first one, years ago" if she had just been honest with herself, with the elders... she should have taken her life into her own hooves. "then we could have had more time together..." and this time she wept.

Instead of blood weeping from her eyes, it was an honest and daresay human show. Tears. Wet and watery. His own dripped to her face. "It was not fair to keep it from you" Salome begins again "even if you did not love me as I loved you, you were my dearest friend" the subject of her late-husband was not sore but shameful "I regret so much" she breathes, backing away now. Not because of anything he did, but because he needed to see clearly. She was not leaving. "I regret I wasn't strong enough."

A few steps away was all she wanted. The moon broke from the sky, reflecting her. She curls back her lips, revealing the canines. Unlike a normal equine. Wicked and sharp. Cleaned, not bloody. "It is... ironic" Salome says with an uneasy feeling "I feel the Night's grasp better than most. Gareth, I'm not alive... My life was taken from me" and therefore it was unfair to take Gareth's from him "my heart does not beat. I cannot eat. I only wake and walk at night. Please - can you see that's not what I ever want for you?" Her dear, sweet Gareth...

Maybe now he would understand her words. "I've killed people to survive" Not normal. Not a normal woman. Not a laughing, giggling girl. Not someone for Gareth. He deserved the sun. "t-to drink their blood."

RE: it's you, it's always been you - Gareth - 10-11-2021

G A R E T H

I love you too.

The words spoken so softly to him. Words that he had yearned to hear fall from her lips for years. They were broken, hurt words. Words that carried with them not just love but also such a deep regret. As if Caligo knew - and she must have, for she knew intimately all of her children- the moon darkened once more, casting shadow over the would-be lovers as Salome spoke, her own tears falling to mingle with his.

She told of regrets that only a woman who had experienced the hells of life could speak with truth. Regret for not speaking up, though Gareth could have done the same. He had carried that sorrow with him every day since her departure and it pained him to know that she carried that same shadow in her heart. No more, however. No more, now that they had voiced their truths to each other. If nothing else, at least the honesty of their love could be shared, even if only a minor release.

Temporary it would prove itself to be as the woman shifted her weight away from him. It took all of the brute’s reserves not to desperately reach for her, to not lose her again. Suddenly the moon broke once more, and he could see her, truly see her. His instincts had been correct, though he hadn’t been sure if he had wanted it to be true. A predator she was. A monster some might say. A walking corpse that fed on the life of others in order to maintain this facade, this half existence. And even now, she spoke desperately of wishing to spare him this fate. To walk only ever in the sun and never the shadows.

The stallion was quiet for a long time, rich amber pools drinking in the visage of the woman before him. His eyes carefully trailed the entirety of her form, taking his time to etch every last bit of her to his memory. Just in case. He did not know how this would end, but if he may never see her again, he wanted to be sure that he could never forget her, not even for a second. He saved her eyes for last. The swirling pools of the cosmos which spoke to his heart more than any words she could share with him. He held them for as long as she would allow him to.

“Salome,” the strength in his voice surprised even him. The tears had dried and he felt his heart sing steady, unlike the thready flutter of heartbreak that it had been before. “Do you think the mountain lion apologies to her prey as she stalks and hunts him? Do you think the hawk asks forgiveness from the gods for being as he was made to be?”

Gareth closed his eyes and shook his head, a bright chuckle moving from his chest and into the small space between them. “I cannot speak for how you have been made this way. Whether by the hand of others, or by divine Caligo’s design, you are who you are.” He lifted his golden gaze to hers once more.

“You are Salome, a near goddess among men. You have always been so sure of foot, of knowledge beyond any reckoning. A mere mortal could not comprehend. You have always been destined for greatness, Salome.” He sighed softly.

“I know my words may not be the comfort that you seek. And for that I apologize, but it is my truth, and if it is my destiny to see you to your greatness,” He paused, searching her desperately for answers that perhaps he would never know. “So be it. If you wish me to use my medicinal skills to pursue a cure so that one day you may feel the embrace and release of true death,” his voice cracked at the thought of her nonexistence, but he pushed through to continue. “So be it. I give myself, my soul and my life to you Salome. As I did before you were betrothed, as I always had, even if only in my secret heart.”

His gaze became intense, and perhaps it was just the fervor of his love that clouded his mind, but he had never been more sure of anything in his life. If Noor were here, the elk may have tried to talk the brute out of it. But as things stood, the stallion was here alone with the woman whom he had spent his life loving, and he knew what he needed to do.

Gareth turned his head, proffering his neck to her. “If you must drink to survive, then drink. Survive. Let me show you the depths of my devotion and allow me to quiet the sorrow in your soul.”

"Speech" | @~~Salome~~ |

RE: it's you, it's always been you - Salome - 10-11-2021

salome de la rosa

enough with the lies tell me one
more time my blood your line is this you inside

er eyes flickered open, more alert. More shocked. He offered his neck to her, but more than that... he accepted her. She sniffs quietly, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. Her eyes close briefly, a look of pain and acceptance mingling into one emotion. "No" she says to him quietly at first, shaking her head. He's before her again, pursuing her this time. "do not cure me" in her heart, she knew it was her fate "I will not ask you to spend countless hours, months or years consumed" she knew it was her penance "not when we could use that time to start over." he didn't need to know the depths of her self-hatred.

Salome reaches out, pressing her head against Gareth's neck. Briefly hovering before her neck curls into his own, holding him there. "I still love life" she utters against him, her body moving to embrace him "I may not be alive, but I will not take another's life as long as you are devoted to me. I give you that vow back; I will not take the life of an equine so long as I love you" She will survive off rats, small mammals... Anything but the beating liquid that coursed through the living. It was out of respect for her love of Gareth, not any half-assed vow made to make him feel better about the situation they were both in. "I will always love you." Even if he passed a mortal's life. Even if she could not spend eternity with him.

It was enough they said it now.

RE: it's you, it's always been you - Gareth - 11-03-2021

G A R E T H

If it were not for the darkness of the night and the deep earthen colour of his coat, his dished cheeks would have flushed a dark hue of red as the man blushed deeply. Perhaps it was from a slight embarrassment as part of his senses returned to him. Gareth had never been a particularly rash person, but something about the thought of losing Salome again, after having denied himself his own feelings for so long, had brought it out of him. He knew that the words he had spoken were harsh, all the thoughts and feelings he’d had over the many years tumbling together and falling out all at once. Yet still, here she was, holding him, as close as she had ever been.

The body of the mare fit so neatly into the space that the stallion could not help but quake, curling his neck around hers as well to hold her so very gently. He knew that with her audits pressed to his body that she could surely hear and feel the very pulse of his life run through him. The fluttering of his heart in his chest as he tried to put together what had happened. The torrent of emotions kept him tumbling and it felt as if he might drown beneath the crashing waves. He was still angry. Both at himself, with her, and with her husband, their herd, their traditions. He wasn’t sure yet how to process that anger, if it was even right to feel it. More than that, the sorrow that she would leave him again, as she had a year ago. The fear that clutched his heart with the notion that this could all have been some wild fantasy, some dream the mountain had brought to him.

Yet his love for her burned brighter still. He was so tired. Having run so far from his love for her in a false attempt to heal himself. Distance had only made his heart grow fonder, and now with Salome here in his arms, he could not imagine letting her go for anything.

However, as he allowed himself to think on the events of the evening, he knew that his mind was not being rational. He did not want to make any more impulsive decisions. Noor would have his hide if his friend knew of the words that he had so quickly spoken to the woman.

Gareth sighed deeply through his nares, squeezing the vampire mare closer to him for just a moment before pulling away. He did not rise, for the brute could not bring himself to part from her completely just yet. He did need to look her in the eye, though. He needed to know that she understood what he was about to say.

“Salome,” He spoke softly, his rich vocals heavy with the sincerity of the words that fell from his lips. “I have always loved you. But I…” He swallowed and resisted the urge to turn away. “I need some time, Salome. I need to think through my feelings. Because I want to be sure that I am going to do right by you, and that I am not clinging to a young colt’s ideals.” The stallion heaves a sigh, his shoulders slumping. “So many things have changed, Salome. So many things. I… I need to be sure. You deserve so many things, Salome, and I am unsure if I will be able to provide those things for you. Beyond just the physical needs, but the emotional and spiritual ones as well. I need to be sure that I can still be the stallion you once knew.” He hung his head and closed his amber gaze, breathing deeply.

“I love you, Salome,” He repeated before opening his eyes again. “But I need some time to think. And… I think, if we want this to work between us, we need to start over. Too many things have happened in each other’s absence, and we have become different people.” He slowly extended his neck so that his muzzle might gently brush her cheek. “And I desire the chance to woo you, to court you properly, as I was too foolish to do in my youth.”

"Speech" | @~~Salome~~ |