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+---- Thread: [P] I've become so numb (/showthread.php?tid=6866)
I've become so numb - Caelum - 01-29-2022
my eyes like open doors?
leading you down into my core
where i've become so numb
Caelum had been to many places throughout Novus in her time here.
Had met a number of new friends, and reconnected with old. Yet, there was no sense in denying the loneliness in her heart. Some used the pain: Luvena and her kind understanding, Boleyn and his energetic needling, even Seb and his odd way of making her forget the hurt. She still didn't know what to make of his mysterious ways that could make her forget her troubles. But she lived up with rather solitary life. She didn't eagerly join the others, meet up with friends, especially in the Winter.
When she would spend her days alone in her empty tea shop.
She knew it wasn't healthy, yet she couldn't help herself. The cold temperatures made it hard enough to brave the outside world, and since her running with Seb, her heart had been hurting more than it had prior. She didn't want to run into anyone she may know. She didn't want to make them worry, or worse, lie to them. So she'd been hiding awand hiding away.
But then things got worse.
She'd see him in the shadows from the corner of her eye. All cocky smiles and tsnder expressions, but when she would turn he would be gone. Or she would see him walking down the hallway, into her bedroom. She would rush to catch up, his name a desperate plea on her lips, only to be met with an empty room. She would hear his throaty chuckle from behind her, so deep it would rattle her bones. Or feel the leather of his bat like wings caress her cheek when she squeezed her eyes shut.
She was chasing a phantom.
And while it broke her heart to admit it, she had to get away from it. The dainty fae had ran. She didn't lock up her shop, turn the sign to close, or even grab herself a cloak to protect her from the chill of the wind. She had to get away, and quickly. The air was freezing, frost clinging to her delicate wings even as she flew from the lake, from Denocte's lands around the gulf of the sea. Desperate for a place to hide.
She touched down at the cliffs.
It was now out of need, rather than preference. Her wings now too heavy with ice to support her, she shivered as she looked out over the waters. The cold wind tugged at her long, loose ivory locks, stinging a hide and build fit for warmer weather. Ice crystals clung to her eyelashes, tear tracks frozen in place on her cheeks. But the cold grasp of winter on her delicate body did little to chase away the pain in her heart.
The ache remained.
"Speech"
Thoughts
@Mannon
Notes: <3 I missed his character <3 Caelum's just like 'Ah yes, I remember this one.'
sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and
lead it back home
RE: I've become so numb - Mannon - 01-29-2022
At some point he'd lost track of how long and far he'd been walking. He couldn't think of where he was, hell he didn't even know how he'd gotten here. Well, no he did know if he really thought about it. He got to the cliffs the same way he got to anywhere: Auto-pilot. Yes, yes that was it; his terrible habit of just walking forward without a pause. Mannon is fairly certain that it'll one day lead to his death, he'll most likely just tumble off a cliff or down the side of a canyon from a misstep. For a second he wonders if he'd survive a tumble off a cliff? He'd surely survived worse, or at least what he considered worse. Not just worse but a death in and of itself; a long and torturous death that (to him) never seemed to end.
Mannon is drawn out of his own mind, pulled away from the ceaseless torment living in the grooves of his brain, by the sight of something flying. But then the small flying ''something'' landed on the cliff he had been slowly making his way towards. She's landed close enough that he can tell it's some kind of equine, at least he thinks it's something related to an equine. For a moment he's tempted to turn around and leave the shorter mare be, to let the odd beings of this world do whatever it was that they did. At least until Mannon takes note of the ice covering what he would consider her whole body. His ears tip back a bit in thought Should I help? Roheryn...Tell me what to do. Tell me if I should help. It's a cold wind that swirls snow before his nose that he interprets as her saying he should do something. Yes. Yes that's what he'll tell himself, that's how he'll keep her alive. If she can't be with him now than Mannon will simply put her into everything he sees.
The painted man softly clears his throat, continues climbing up the cliff, and walks around her. He's praying to God he's not intimidating or even scared her. Mannon doesn't stop very close to her but he tries to stop in a way that might block the cold winds from biting at her. Ears tip back in a way that gives away his awkwardness, he's not exactly sure how to tell her that he's not going to hurt her. The only thing he can decide on is the truth. "You're covered in ice and I think your wings are..." He frowns for a moment, thinking while he stares off into the distance. "Fragile? Would that be a good word?" It's clear that he's only noticed the ice on her wings so far but when he turns his head to offer a smile he's startled by the ice on her lashes and face. "Are you okay? I don't think ice is supposed to be on bodies but maybe I'm wrong." He doesn't know what to do, should he back up in case she's supposed to be cold? Should he stand still and try to block the winds? "Please forgive me I'm not sure if you're cold or made of ice and I fear I may have made a mistake trying to help."
"Talk."
NATIVE LANGUAGE, HOVER OVER ME
Thoughts
Amarië
Tags » @Caelum
Voice »
OOC » <3
drop by drop
RE: I've become so numb - Caelum - 01-29-2022
my eyes like open doors?
leading you down into my core
where i've become so numb
She lands without misstep.
It must be a miracle, even with her eyes cloudy with tears, the water freezing on her face as the tears refuse to be held back. Her gaze sweeps the water. And for a moment she wonders what it may be like to fold her wings and let herself just fall, would she return to Tremaine's side then? There's a rush of heat at her chest. The necklace nearly burning her as if responding to the thought. The soul trapped inside always seemed to know when to jolt Caelum from these dangerous thoughts.
The noise behind her has her stiffen.
A stallion approaches, shifting to stand so he blocks some of the wind from striking at her figure. She lifts her gaze up slowly, chocolate eyes confused from where they stare out of the dark, slightly dished face. The fae cuts her gaze away when she sees he is not looking at her, though her ear flick back when he mentions the state of her wings. Her gaze turns slowly to her back, surveying the damage she hadn't really felt. "They are." She agrees quietly, her muzzle brushing against an edge, careful to not accidentally break part of her wing off. "It will melt at some point." The lack of concern is obvious, even as she shifts her gaze. In that brief moment that practiced mask slides in place so smoothly one would think it authentic.
She smiles, the expression soft and gentle.
The pain is wadded into a clump, tossed into a box she can shove deep in her soul. Out of reach from where it may concern others. She's perfect and poised once again," But I appreciate your consideration, nonetheless." She forgets about thee frozen tears clumping her lashes, stained and frozen in her pelt.
His eyes don't miss them.
His questions are immediately voiced with concern, asking if she's okay. Instantly that smile, practiced for years in the mirrors scattered through out her wing of the now ruined castle, slides back in place. Nothing is wrong. Everything is perfect. Be poised. Be perfect. Hide everything. Only show your best, "I am alright. Lie. "The icy wind must have made by eyes water." Lie. "I apologize if I caused you any concern." Truth. "But I am perfectly alright." Lie.
How easy it is for her to lie.
To hide the turmoil that keeps her heart in a vice like grip. Trey would hate seeing her like this. He preferred her smile, her wild and contagious laughter that promised playful tricks and chaos if he would only ask her to partake. "I am a being of Summer, certainly not made of ice. So I appreciate your care of my rather frozen countenance. I had not truly noticed how could it had gotten, again, I apologize for causing you concern."
She laughs, the sound as controlled as her smile, light and airy.
But fake to those who knew her personally from the youth she had once been, "My name is Caelum, I am from Denocte, a medic to Night Court, so I assure you, I can care for myself once I am ready to journey ho-home." There is a distinct catch in her voice as the word, remembering what it was she was running from in the shop. She forcefully keeps the mask up, refusing to acknowledge the struggle at one small word, nor making any move away from the cliffs, those chocolate eyes back on the water.
"Speech"
Thoughts
@Mannon
Notes: <3 he's so sweet!!
sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and
lead it back home
RE: I've become so numb - Mannon - 01-30-2022
Mannon eyes her carefully, curiosity and sadness mixed in the pale blue. Unlike this little fae before him it's been a long, long while since he showed a brave face for another. The way he watches her is almost like he's inspecting her the way he would have inspected one of his soldiers after battle, he's concerned about her wings. There's a temptation to nose at them but he knows better than to touch another. Partly because he is not ''Mannon The Warrior of Anar'' here and because it's just plain rude in any land. He hums in thought at her wings, brow furrowing slightly because in all honesty he doesn't know what she is. At least not in the common tongue. Mannon closes his eyes in slightly frustration at himself for not knowing it, he probably should given he went wandering outside of Isilme for so long but he's never stopped to ask. When he opens his eyes he's looking at her again with an apologetic face. "Are you a bird mare? In my home we would call you ''dulin er'' and it means bird one since you have wings, maybe it's not the same here though." He's hoping that an explanation for the awkward ''bird mare'' would help ease any offense it may cause if he's wrong about the terms. His pale eyes go from her wings to her face, he notes that she's not concerned about the ice on her wings and it eases the concern he had that they may break like glass.
He's silent while listening to her thank him, explain that she's alright, that the cold wind had made her eyes water, and that she's a creature of summer. That last part confuses him a bit he wouldn't lie, and he's not entirely convinced that she's alright. Mannon is close to saying something, breaking his silence, when she introduces herself, where she is from, and a rank. Quick to note the break in the word ''home'' his ears tip back a bit, a hum from deep in his chest rumbles up while he thinks. When he was younger he didn't think so much on his words but now he does; it was something he had picked up from Roheryn. But, of course, only after she had left the mortal plane did he follow in her steps on ''think before you speak.'' Mannon's ears relax so they are no longer tipped, he turns his head towards the waters, and he takes a deep breath before he speaks. "You have nothing to thank me for Caelum, I have done nothing more than attempt to block the winds out, and to do what anyone should. Lend a hand to another." His head turns to face her again, a great sorrow in his pale eyes that roam over her face turned towards the waters. "I am Mannon, I don't believe I belong to a ''court'' and have no rank." He offers her a smile and then faces the waters as well.
"I have no doubt that you can care for yourself...But if I may be frank Caelum, I don't think that right now you're alright. If anything I suspect you may be something like myself at this moment, and that is alright." Closing his eyes he breathes in deep, filling his lungs with the cold air and then exhales a heavy sigh. "My wife was better at knowing people, better at helping others, she could soothe a soul like it was what she was born to do. She was always like that...all the way to the end even. But me? I was a warrior. I've never been much help in the ways she was. I mainly ''smashed'' my way through life to help others." Opening his own eyes he can feel his own tears well up just a bit and he turns to look at the smaller mare. "If I am wrong, if you...if you are not in a similar pain and the wind truly has frozen your eyes then I am just a silly old man. But little bird mare if I am right then tonight you are not alone in this." Mannon smiles softly, though sad, and finishes his little monologue. "Whatever you feel is alright, I still feel my wife, I hear her in the wind, I see her in the night, and that is alright. That is how I heal, and healing is how we endure."
"Talk."
NATIVE LANGUAGE, HOVER OVER ME
Thoughts
Amarië
Tags » @Caelum
Voice »
OOC » <3
drop by drop
RE: I've become so numb - Caelum - 01-30-2022
my eyes like open doors?
leading you down into my core
where i've become so numb
She is being observed, and she prays the mask holds.
It wasn't the first time she'd had another's attention, the judgement on how many of her words were truth. In a way, they aren't necessarily true lies either. When thought out of context, she had told the truth - physically she was fine. The cold wind had added to the wetness of her eyes. But a fae's trick is learning to speak in half truths and obscuring the real answer.
Still he seems to see more than she wants him to.
She is briefly distracted by his questions on what she was, and a brief smile tugs at her muzzle, the slightest of laughs. Bird mare, indeed? "Pegasus you mean? In some ways I suppose I fit the general description, but I am one of the fae. Or faeries. Not really a bird." She goes to flutter those wings on emphasis only to hear ice crack and she makes a face at the reminder of her currently iced over wings, "I would demonstrate, but as mentioned, my wings are currently in a frozen state due to the weather, and I really do not wish to break off part of a wing. It would be inconvenient and take too long to grow back."
She wasn't worried about the potential pain.
Not compared to the constant turmoil of her heart. He is quick to staye she has nothing to thank him for, to which she graciously nods, "Be that as it may, you will find there are not so many who would use their own body to shelter another from the wind, especially a stranger. Perhaps it is merely an act of compassion lost on the use." The thought makes the Immortal dame suddenly feel so old. It likely didn't help how old fashioned her people had been. He introduces himself and she is surprised he claims no Court with ties too, "You are not part of Dusk Court, of Terrastella?" She questions in surprise. "I had assumed so with your presence on these lands." She added by way of explination.
As he turns back to the water, she does not expect his next words.
They are like a punch to the gut, stealing her breath with vengeance and leaving her feeling exposed. She chooses to not respond right away, instead listening to his words. Her gaze has also returned to the ocean, though her smile has fallen from her dark muzzle. She wasn't expecting him tobstate he thinks she is like him. And the words regarding what his wife was like, how she excelled at helping others where he did not. From her peripheral she sees him start to tear up, and when he looks back to her, she meets his gaze with caution.
The eye contact does not last long however.
As he speaks of seeing and feeling his wife everywhere, her head drops, and those tears well up again. "I . . . Thought I was doing better. Being stronger. Overcoming it all. I was able to comfortably discuss some of the pain with another . . . But them it all came racing back, worse than before. I was seeing him in ever shadow of my home, hearing him in every sigh of the wind." She brushes her cheeks wearily, only go remember the cold air is causing her tears to freeze. "They say it should get easier with time, and I thought it was. But I was not prepared for a set back of this magnitude."
She signs, lifting her gaze from the ground.
Those chocolate eyes are conflicted now as they settle on him, "I apologize, you have clearly caught me at one of my worst moments. I try to keep myself more put together than this. I sincerely apologize for any distress I have caused you." Perhaps it was the best example of her character, apologizing for her blubbering even as the tears fall down.
"Speech"
Thoughts
@Mannon
Notes: <3 he's so sweet!!
sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and
lead it back home