JaneJane had never been to Denocte before, not even when she had been a girl, seemingly so long ago. The cloying dark of the mountains seemed to bound down into the valleys, into the cities. It was Summer now, true Summer, and Jane could feel her sides sweating. And yet she was in shadow; the shadow of the Sun. It seemed that Jane’s sin had soaked into the surrounding environment and was now being repaid by the hard road, the harder sky. 

She reminded herself once more of the address in her cloak, clawed out of the relatives in the Sun Court. She had told her husband of her plan to visit Sebastian, but she didn’t know if that same news had reached her cousin. Jane truly hoped that he would not be irritated by her presence, but she was desperate.

Desperate. That word was an apt summary of her person, Jane thought. When hadn’t she been desperate? For her mother’s muzzle, for her husband’s friendship, for that ugly thing that the people in the cities called love.

No, love had no place in Jane’s life. She couldn’t even claim that the sinful bastard in her womb came from love- that, too, had come from the severe desperation for touch. Not kind touch, just the acknowledgement that she existed, was a beast within this world just as any other of her kind. For as long as it had stood, she was wife. Not real, just a word written next to her husband’s name. In the registry, she was nothing.

But she was Vogelstein. Hopefully, the Vogelstein of her mother’s blood would not betray her, not like her mother had. Maybe there was something warm somewhere within her mother’s lineage, and perhaps she could find it in the Night Court. Other than Veil, Jane had no one else. 


The buildings seemed to stretch over her, structures of brick and stone that had existed forever. What horses had raised these boulders, and what sadness and anger had seeped into the Summer-soaked streets. Jane checked the address one final time, and walked to where she could hope to find salvation. 

@Sebastian

 
i've never felt more alone
it feels so scary getting old