[P] I don't know what you've been told [Ard|Erd]

[Elena]

every day it feels like I’m holding back an ocean

Nothingness; it encased her. She was screaming. ‘Save me, save me,’ she cries, but no one came, no one was coming, and in the deep caverns of her heart, Elena knew it. The darkness was so cold, the kind of cold she only felt when Frostbane had been around. It mocked her, blinded her, chilled her to her soul. Trapped, broken, crying. There was no saving her, and they both knew it. She’s gagging on the ice, it enters her bones, freezes her blood. She cant move. She wishes for the sun, the moon, the stars, any light she could be offered, but she just feels herself plunging further into darkness. Elena never knew it could be this dark in this world. She’s dying. 

Her eyes open then.
Blue and shining. 
She is safe.
The darkness has not won this time. 

A quiet sigh, she unfurls her legs that suddenly feel sore from being stiff with fear. The sun was out, darkness just a faint memory now as the sunshine cascades down in vacant droplets. Elena still doesn't know this land she has decided to live in, a rushed decision, one she hopes is right. Unfamiliar faces pass her and Elena can do little more than smile. Maybe, she shouldn't have left Beqanna after all. She feels old even though her body still hums with youth. Her eyes feel ancient, like she is Ruth looking into the past. The fresh, vibrant image of her dream still clings to her like a bad dream catcher. 

The blonde shuffles off, unsure of here she should go when she has no map to guide her. It is only when she reaches a small patch of water within the field, perhaps collected from melting snow. She looks into it, looks at those eyes, those new eyes of hers, Lilli’s eyes. She can almost see her crimson cousin staring back at her, if she just squints her eyes just right, and turns her head just so. “Lilli, give me strength,” she says and bats those eyes before pulling away. Her heart aches a little more than just before, if it were possible. 

She feels old, heavy. She said it before, but she says it again. 
One more time.
She feels old. 

Elena is a shimmering gold, she wears sunshine and she wears it well, this summer child. She is sad, for now, but it will not be forever. There is still so much happiness in her. The palomino thinks the Dusk Court may be a different home than she ever considered for herself, but Elena is blazing her own, making the future her own, creating paths where there are none. Or, trying at least. She wonders not for the first time when everything in her life seemed to get so complicated. She is still young, and try as she might to keep that heart guarded, Elena has fallen in and out of love more times than she can count. Maybe she would be better off without it. In the end, Elena had ached too much for their touches, the physical contact that she had been neglected with the passing of her parents. Even as Tunnel drug his teeth across her, she leaned to him, wanting him to scar her body. Anything was better than being numb. This she knows all too well. 

It is why Elena so often buries herself in the emotions of others. Anyone’s misery is better than facing your own and that large cavern that threatens to swallow you whole.



* e l e n a
in the dark I’ll pray for the return of the light
the sunflower daughter of benjamin and beylani
medic of dusk.

@Erd @Ard