When are you really gonna believe in yourself
Quiet, quiet sadness creeps upon her. It is the monster that chases her daily. The thoughts of not belonging here plague her daily. Meira has always doubted her place in Novus, but hearing it out loud has quieted the swelling storm inside. Instead she sinks into her internal sea. It is in each curve of her bodice, how the weight of her companion's words have begun to drown her. The silence persists, until the woman speaks again. The words are so undeniably right. Meira knows she has misread the intentions of this stranger. She knows she is wrong about most mages, but she can't help it. Not after what he did to her. Enamels grind into one another as she faces her folly head on. "You're right. I shouldn't have said that." Meira admits out loud, and it feels like acid as it falls from her lips. Her tongue recoils at the thought of apologizing to a mage. The woman continues on, the fire swells as she speaks. Her rage is visible in the way she wields her magic. Meira's storm does not swell in response. She is trapped in the same state of mind as when she was with him.
Meira is quiet, so quiet. The stranger continues to speak, and her hate spills out. Meira wonders if this is what she makes others feel like when she indulges in her hate and disdain for mages. It is the first time anyone has accused her of being a liar. Her expression remains quiet, sinking, sinking. It is the only thing the woman has been wrong about so far. Meira knows intimately the pain of the fire, of the destruction magic causes. Pain cannot possibly lie. Meira is smart enough now to know what was done to her was not her fault. It makes her ache in ways she never could have imagined as a bright-eyed youth. She does not know if she can ever forgive him for robbing her of who she once was. The woman asks why she is in Novus at all. Silence permeates the conversation. She stares at the woman and her fire. Meira feels as though the sea has frozen her tongue. Part of her storm does rise to life, because she resents the idea that she should have to give up her home for what someone else has done to her. The silence continues until it would seem she may not speak again at all. As if she would steal away into the night rather than risk the truth she knows lurks inside her. Sometimes the sea spills its secrets, and she realizes this is why she chose Dawn.
She wants to start over, but that doesn't happen if she makes no changes. "Let me explain to you, so maybe you can understand my reaction to those who are like you. I know the pain of magic, the suffering it can bring. I know it is unfair of me to cast judgment upon all mages for what was done to me, right here in Novus. My home since my birth. I resent the notion that I should leave my home, that I love beyond all measure, because of what someone else did to me." Meira feels the threat of sharing her truth with a stranger. She knows she cannot hide this for the rest of her life. Meira knows that the sea will always return, but her tides have grown so low. "I am no liar. But I guess that is up for you to decide. So I will tell you a true story of my own if you enjoy them so much. Perhaps it is the fictional stories I find no comfort in. Do you know what it is like to fall in love with someone who seems so right, so right that your soul screams and aches when you are not with them? I do. A mage, before I ever knew what magic could do in the wrong hands. He promised me the world, and for a time he gave it to me. I thought he saved me, but instead, he robbed me of peace. All it took was for him to take me far away from my home, to Denocte. He kept me trapped there. My sweet love changed so quickly. He bound me to him with his magic and promised no one would believe me. He was right. They didn't believe me. I had to fight for my life to get here. I have survived terrible things at the hands of one mage, things perhaps you can't even imagine. So I will ask you, who are you to tell me I don't belong in Novus? Who are you to tell me that I should leave because of what someone did to me? I will admit my own shortcomings in making assumptions about you and all mages as a knee jerk reaction. It isn't fair to you all either, but tell me honestly. Why do you love magic? What good does it do, when it is just as capable of irreparable damage?"
Meira has nowhere to hide now. She has no idea why she has shared her past with a stranger who will undoubtedly not care about her. It is a struggle for her to accept that she needs to change, but that will not happen if she keeps her truth a secret. "Teach me then, what is magic like in the hands of someone who does not intend to use to destroy someone in front of them just because they can. I will not change if I hide from my truth, or allow myself to judge all mages as inherently evil." Meira wonders if she will entertain the idea of educating the mare who has been so unkind to her. The sadness creeps, creeps across her frame. It seeps into her bones as she stands before the mare who will undoubtedly leave. "I know you didn't ask for my story, and you probably don't care given how I treated you. It isn't your job to teach me, but I will appreciate it." The words are so foreign and thick as they tumble from her mouth. Every inch of her screams for her to attack or run. To fight. She is too tired to fight now though.
Meira is quiet, so quiet. The stranger continues to speak, and her hate spills out. Meira wonders if this is what she makes others feel like when she indulges in her hate and disdain for mages. It is the first time anyone has accused her of being a liar. Her expression remains quiet, sinking, sinking. It is the only thing the woman has been wrong about so far. Meira knows intimately the pain of the fire, of the destruction magic causes. Pain cannot possibly lie. Meira is smart enough now to know what was done to her was not her fault. It makes her ache in ways she never could have imagined as a bright-eyed youth. She does not know if she can ever forgive him for robbing her of who she once was. The woman asks why she is in Novus at all. Silence permeates the conversation. She stares at the woman and her fire. Meira feels as though the sea has frozen her tongue. Part of her storm does rise to life, because she resents the idea that she should have to give up her home for what someone else has done to her. The silence continues until it would seem she may not speak again at all. As if she would steal away into the night rather than risk the truth she knows lurks inside her. Sometimes the sea spills its secrets, and she realizes this is why she chose Dawn.
She wants to start over, but that doesn't happen if she makes no changes. "Let me explain to you, so maybe you can understand my reaction to those who are like you. I know the pain of magic, the suffering it can bring. I know it is unfair of me to cast judgment upon all mages for what was done to me, right here in Novus. My home since my birth. I resent the notion that I should leave my home, that I love beyond all measure, because of what someone else did to me." Meira feels the threat of sharing her truth with a stranger. She knows she cannot hide this for the rest of her life. Meira knows that the sea will always return, but her tides have grown so low. "I am no liar. But I guess that is up for you to decide. So I will tell you a true story of my own if you enjoy them so much. Perhaps it is the fictional stories I find no comfort in. Do you know what it is like to fall in love with someone who seems so right, so right that your soul screams and aches when you are not with them? I do. A mage, before I ever knew what magic could do in the wrong hands. He promised me the world, and for a time he gave it to me. I thought he saved me, but instead, he robbed me of peace. All it took was for him to take me far away from my home, to Denocte. He kept me trapped there. My sweet love changed so quickly. He bound me to him with his magic and promised no one would believe me. He was right. They didn't believe me. I had to fight for my life to get here. I have survived terrible things at the hands of one mage, things perhaps you can't even imagine. So I will ask you, who are you to tell me I don't belong in Novus? Who are you to tell me that I should leave because of what someone did to me? I will admit my own shortcomings in making assumptions about you and all mages as a knee jerk reaction. It isn't fair to you all either, but tell me honestly. Why do you love magic? What good does it do, when it is just as capable of irreparable damage?"
Meira has nowhere to hide now. She has no idea why she has shared her past with a stranger who will undoubtedly not care about her. It is a struggle for her to accept that she needs to change, but that will not happen if she keeps her truth a secret. "Teach me then, what is magic like in the hands of someone who does not intend to use to destroy someone in front of them just because they can. I will not change if I hide from my truth, or allow myself to judge all mages as inherently evil." Meira wonders if she will entertain the idea of educating the mare who has been so unkind to her. The sadness creeps, creeps across her frame. It seeps into her bones as she stands before the mare who will undoubtedly leave. "I know you didn't ask for my story, and you probably don't care given how I treated you. It isn't your job to teach me, but I will appreciate it." The words are so foreign and thick as they tumble from her mouth. Every inch of her screams for her to attack or run. To fight. She is too tired to fight now though.
