G A R E T H
The medic shifted awkwardly, his bulk swaying from one leg to the other as he debated how to continue. He gave a beleaguered sigh, giving in to the open offer to share the fresh wounds on his heart. “To tell the truth,” he began slowly, “They’re the wounds of a colt that never fully healed.”
The stallion shook his head, the loose buns atop his strong crest shivering and threatening to come undone. He settled down, careful of his girth in the small clinic and met Luvena’s gaze once more, glad to see that her demeanor was open, honest, and so far lacked the judgment he would have faced at home if he had confessed these thoughts to Noor.
“I fell in love, and as children do, it was without hesitation and consideration. Of course things never came to fruit and she went on to live her own life, never the wiser of my affections.” Gareth dipped his head, sorrow colouring his lyrics as he continued, softly. “I had settled myself, mostly, with the fact I would never see her again. Then like the ghost of my past she had become, I was haunted by her.” The medic hesitated to meet the Sovereign queen’s gaze, taking in a deep breath to steady the uncertainty in his chest.
“It was fleeting, at first. She told me that all things would be revealed, and then disappeared again. It’s why I spent the previous winter on the mountain. I waited for her, and she never came.” The brute chuckled darkly. “Noor thought I was mad. Because as time does to us all, she had changed, and was no longer the young filly I had known and loved. I had been broken again by her loss and as I thought I was finally healing myself again, she came to me once more.”
He stared into one of the empty corners of the clinic, silent for a long moment, watching the murky shadows for the cloaked apparition that he had come to know better than his own skin. He knew she would not manifest, would not chance the sunlight, but that did not stop his heart from aching with the hope of seeing the soft rose hues staring back at him from the darkness.
“I was angry with her, for leaving me, for not answering my questions when I asked them.” The stallion turned to Luvena, grief struck through his being like a tidal wave, his expression no longer guarded, no longer careful. He was a broken man.
“How can you claim to love someone and then dance upon their heartstrings, to then cut the chords like a marionette when you feel it’s best to set them free?” Tears welled at the corners of his whiskey coloured pools and he blinked them away, the hot stain flowing down his cheeks.
Gareth took another shaking breath. “She says it’s all done to protect me, and the colt in my heart that loves her still wants to believe there is goodness left, that all that we could have been can still be, but I am afraid, Luvena. Afraid that she is nothing more than a ghost come to haunt me with all the childish reverence I had for her when I was too young to know the difference between true love and blind adoration. Afraid that she might be real and that my heart belongs to her even if I no longer understand her true nature. Afraid she might disappear once more and I’ll be wondering if it was not my own loneliness that kept me on the mountains in a madness that befalls those who do not open their hearts to the kindness of others.”
The brute’s head fell, heavy like the ache in his heart, unable to muster the energy to face the consequences of his own actions. “I am lost, and I am afraid. I thought I had done all this healing, but her arrival in my life again has done nothing but tear old wounds open to reveal the rot beneath and I do not know if I should trust her, and follow my heart like the young man who she once knew, to court her like a gentleman as I never had the opportunity.”
A heavy sigh shook his being and he looked to the wise woman once again. “I cannot stop this sinking in my gut that tells me she will go again, that I will never heal if I continue to chase after a dream that was never meant to be. But I cannot help to hope. Is hope such a damnable thing to have, Lu? Is it as sharp as a cutting edge for all those who dare to hope for things, or just for those of us who know that the hope is ultimately futile?”
The stallion shook his head, the loose buns atop his strong crest shivering and threatening to come undone. He settled down, careful of his girth in the small clinic and met Luvena’s gaze once more, glad to see that her demeanor was open, honest, and so far lacked the judgment he would have faced at home if he had confessed these thoughts to Noor.
“I fell in love, and as children do, it was without hesitation and consideration. Of course things never came to fruit and she went on to live her own life, never the wiser of my affections.” Gareth dipped his head, sorrow colouring his lyrics as he continued, softly. “I had settled myself, mostly, with the fact I would never see her again. Then like the ghost of my past she had become, I was haunted by her.” The medic hesitated to meet the Sovereign queen’s gaze, taking in a deep breath to steady the uncertainty in his chest.
“It was fleeting, at first. She told me that all things would be revealed, and then disappeared again. It’s why I spent the previous winter on the mountain. I waited for her, and she never came.” The brute chuckled darkly. “Noor thought I was mad. Because as time does to us all, she had changed, and was no longer the young filly I had known and loved. I had been broken again by her loss and as I thought I was finally healing myself again, she came to me once more.”
He stared into one of the empty corners of the clinic, silent for a long moment, watching the murky shadows for the cloaked apparition that he had come to know better than his own skin. He knew she would not manifest, would not chance the sunlight, but that did not stop his heart from aching with the hope of seeing the soft rose hues staring back at him from the darkness.
“I was angry with her, for leaving me, for not answering my questions when I asked them.” The stallion turned to Luvena, grief struck through his being like a tidal wave, his expression no longer guarded, no longer careful. He was a broken man.
“How can you claim to love someone and then dance upon their heartstrings, to then cut the chords like a marionette when you feel it’s best to set them free?” Tears welled at the corners of his whiskey coloured pools and he blinked them away, the hot stain flowing down his cheeks.
Gareth took another shaking breath. “She says it’s all done to protect me, and the colt in my heart that loves her still wants to believe there is goodness left, that all that we could have been can still be, but I am afraid, Luvena. Afraid that she is nothing more than a ghost come to haunt me with all the childish reverence I had for her when I was too young to know the difference between true love and blind adoration. Afraid that she might be real and that my heart belongs to her even if I no longer understand her true nature. Afraid she might disappear once more and I’ll be wondering if it was not my own loneliness that kept me on the mountains in a madness that befalls those who do not open their hearts to the kindness of others.”
The brute’s head fell, heavy like the ache in his heart, unable to muster the energy to face the consequences of his own actions. “I am lost, and I am afraid. I thought I had done all this healing, but her arrival in my life again has done nothing but tear old wounds open to reveal the rot beneath and I do not know if I should trust her, and follow my heart like the young man who she once knew, to court her like a gentleman as I never had the opportunity.”
A heavy sigh shook his being and he looked to the wise woman once again. “I cannot stop this sinking in my gut that tells me she will go again, that I will never heal if I continue to chase after a dream that was never meant to be. But I cannot help to hope. Is hope such a damnable thing to have, Lu? Is it as sharp as a cutting edge for all those who dare to hope for things, or just for those of us who know that the hope is ultimately futile?”
"Speech" || @Luvena |I had worried it would be more difficult to turn back the clock on his emotional turmoil but apparently the boy had thoughts
