Caelum
if you dream all day and drink all night
Caelum was quiet for a long moment.
So many thoughts, emotions, worries crossing her mind. It hurt, it scared her; and more than anything, to have to think about what had happened - to have to tell her cousin what happened. To go through it all again. She was trying to heal - trying to move on, to get better, feel better, not focus on the past, to not get lost in what was, what can't be any longer.
Her name was spoken so softly.
She glanced up at Syn, and for a brief moment, fire flamed her soul. Not been easy, that was a joke! An understatement, and Syn had no idea. How dare she try to say anything. To make light of it, light of Caelum. Caelum wasn't light, she hadn't been Light in a long time. Light of Summer, the Heart of summer. The vibrancy of the kingdom. She'd destroyed it all! But Syn didn't know that. She then froze briefly when her cousin spoke the name of her first love.
It wasn't about Arson anymore though.
When she spoke, her voice was soft, but cool; burying a fire that would be visible briefly in her gaze; "What happened after Arson . . . it was not easy, Syn. You are correct. My life . . . it hass been a mess. I . . . I have been a walking mistake. Everything that could have gone wrong, did go wrong. It . .. " She drew in a shaky breath, her body seeming to start to quiver, and this time, when she spoke, there fire had replaced the coolness, that heat directed at herself, not her cousin. It was always directed at herself. "I single handedly killed the Fae Kingdoms, Absynthe." Her muzzle twisted, a snarl crossing her features, a look she'd picked up from Tremaine, and their time together. It wasn't a normal look on her, but it fit the situation, the hatred she felt for her self. "I fucking destroyed it all." The curse startled even herself.
She blinked, shaking her head, slowly deflating.
Her gaze lowered, staring down at her forehooves, "I destroyed everything we ever loved, Syn." When her cousin spoke, Caelum flinched at every word, of summer being the light, the warmth. Summer, her kingdom, her. She didn't say anything, didn't address the jealousy she could hear, because she couldn't. Not yet. She didn't want to think about it all. For a brief moment she just wanted to feel numb.
Because she wasn't perfect.
When her cousin finally stated how little she knew, he hesitated for a long moment, and when she did finally start to speak, she found herself skipping over Tremaine completely, unable to touch on that, not yet. How was it she could talk about her child more easily then Trey? "Syn . . . I . . . things started out well after I left. I met new friends, started to heal. Should have healed. But disaster always strikes. Perhaps I truly am cursed, perhaps that's why this always happens to me. On-one thing leads to another. They . . . He . . . I . . ." She faulters, before visibly skipping over an entire section.
""I find myself enslaved.
"I was lucky, Calico found me. rescued me really. But we sought together to try to rescue others. To help others. Freeing who we could. We created our own mini nation, a sanctuary for those who needed it. But . . . others didn't like our efforts, taking away their workers, playthings. They . . . they infiltrated what we had built . . . So we tried to send those rescued to mother and father, give them a safe place to restart. " Caelum fell quiet for a moment, ears falling back.
"I wanted to help them." She swore softly.
"By the time we realized how far we'd been infiltrated . . . it was too late. We tried to make it out. Calico, myself . . . a-and . . . and our son." Caelum's voice briefly broke, her gaze lowering, uncomfortable, troubled, painful. "I was one of the few who survived that ambush, but that's my curse isn't it? I survive when they don't . . . ." Her gaze was on anything, anything but her cousin. She didn't say what her cousin probably understood, the foal hadn't made it either.
"I tried to go home, I need mother and father."
She still did, if she was being honest. She craved her mother's soothing touch, and reassuring words. The safety net her father offered with his calm, steady presence. "I found them dead in the throne room. Left there like a message. Primulan City was burnt to the ground. Gone. Everything was gone. And it was my fault." Caelum stood, spinning away from Syn to hide the pain in her gaze, the self-hatred for what she'd caused, what she had lost. What she had done. "How many times does life repeat itself, Abysnthe? How many times until I see what I should not have? Arson . . T-tr . . . Arson and Calico." Again a name was noticeably skipped.
Her gaze turned briefly to her cousin.
"How can you sit there and look at me, tell me I'm not the problem. That I was someone to admire. When it's my fault everyone is dead. My fault you can no longer go home. My fault my parents never got to meet their grandchild. How . . . how can you look at me with such affection . . . when I cannot stand to even look at myself?"
"Speech"
Thoughts
@Absynthe
Notes:
So many thoughts, emotions, worries crossing her mind. It hurt, it scared her; and more than anything, to have to think about what had happened - to have to tell her cousin what happened. To go through it all again. She was trying to heal - trying to move on, to get better, feel better, not focus on the past, to not get lost in what was, what can't be any longer.
Her name was spoken so softly.
She glanced up at Syn, and for a brief moment, fire flamed her soul. Not been easy, that was a joke! An understatement, and Syn had no idea. How dare she try to say anything. To make light of it, light of Caelum. Caelum wasn't light, she hadn't been Light in a long time. Light of Summer, the Heart of summer. The vibrancy of the kingdom. She'd destroyed it all! But Syn didn't know that. She then froze briefly when her cousin spoke the name of her first love.
It wasn't about Arson anymore though.
When she spoke, her voice was soft, but cool; burying a fire that would be visible briefly in her gaze; "What happened after Arson . . . it was not easy, Syn. You are correct. My life . . . it hass been a mess. I . . . I have been a walking mistake. Everything that could have gone wrong, did go wrong. It . .. " She drew in a shaky breath, her body seeming to start to quiver, and this time, when she spoke, there fire had replaced the coolness, that heat directed at herself, not her cousin. It was always directed at herself. "I single handedly killed the Fae Kingdoms, Absynthe." Her muzzle twisted, a snarl crossing her features, a look she'd picked up from Tremaine, and their time together. It wasn't a normal look on her, but it fit the situation, the hatred she felt for her self. "I fucking destroyed it all." The curse startled even herself.
She blinked, shaking her head, slowly deflating.
Her gaze lowered, staring down at her forehooves, "I destroyed everything we ever loved, Syn." When her cousin spoke, Caelum flinched at every word, of summer being the light, the warmth. Summer, her kingdom, her. She didn't say anything, didn't address the jealousy she could hear, because she couldn't. Not yet. She didn't want to think about it all. For a brief moment she just wanted to feel numb.
Because she wasn't perfect.
When her cousin finally stated how little she knew, he hesitated for a long moment, and when she did finally start to speak, she found herself skipping over Tremaine completely, unable to touch on that, not yet. How was it she could talk about her child more easily then Trey? "Syn . . . I . . . things started out well after I left. I met new friends, started to heal. Should have healed. But disaster always strikes. Perhaps I truly am cursed, perhaps that's why this always happens to me. On-one thing leads to another. They . . . He . . . I . . ." She faulters, before visibly skipping over an entire section.
""I find myself enslaved.
"I was lucky, Calico found me. rescued me really. But we sought together to try to rescue others. To help others. Freeing who we could. We created our own mini nation, a sanctuary for those who needed it. But . . . others didn't like our efforts, taking away their workers, playthings. They . . . they infiltrated what we had built . . . So we tried to send those rescued to mother and father, give them a safe place to restart. " Caelum fell quiet for a moment, ears falling back.
"I wanted to help them." She swore softly.
"By the time we realized how far we'd been infiltrated . . . it was too late. We tried to make it out. Calico, myself . . . a-and . . . and our son." Caelum's voice briefly broke, her gaze lowering, uncomfortable, troubled, painful. "I was one of the few who survived that ambush, but that's my curse isn't it? I survive when they don't . . . ." Her gaze was on anything, anything but her cousin. She didn't say what her cousin probably understood, the foal hadn't made it either.
"I tried to go home, I need mother and father."
She still did, if she was being honest. She craved her mother's soothing touch, and reassuring words. The safety net her father offered with his calm, steady presence. "I found them dead in the throne room. Left there like a message. Primulan City was burnt to the ground. Gone. Everything was gone. And it was my fault." Caelum stood, spinning away from Syn to hide the pain in her gaze, the self-hatred for what she'd caused, what she had lost. What she had done. "How many times does life repeat itself, Abysnthe? How many times until I see what I should not have? Arson . . T-tr . . . Arson and Calico." Again a name was noticeably skipped.
Her gaze turned briefly to her cousin.
"How can you sit there and look at me, tell me I'm not the problem. That I was someone to admire. When it's my fault everyone is dead. My fault you can no longer go home. My fault my parents never got to meet their grandchild. How . . . how can you look at me with such affection . . . when I cannot stand to even look at myself?"
"Speech"
Thoughts
@Absynthe
Notes:
over men and momma's and miller lite
well then, we should be friends
art by bingo
