Novus
an equine & cervidae rpg
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Novus closed 10/31/2022, after The Gentle Exodus
Lotte
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Age:

511 [Year ]

Gender:

Female

Pronouns:

She/Her/Hers

Orientation:

Pansexual

Breed:

Thoroughbred Cross X

Height:

8 hh

Health:


Attack:


Experience:

Offline

Last Visit:

07-31-2024, 07:07 PM

Joined:

01-05-2021

Signos:

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i thought that i heard you sing

species; unicorn
breed; thoroughbred cross
eyes; soft violet
coat; sleek black
scent; rain and flowers

Sister, do you remember when we were but school girls, and you convinced me that we should switch places during our lessons? I had told you that it would never work; we are identical, of course, but I was convinced that the instructor would see right through your little game. He did not, and I wonder if perhaps that was the first time I realized how freeing it was, to be somebody I was not.

We have always been the perfect replica of each other since we were babes. I remember flipping through family photos and having to point between the two of us—dark skinned, like midnight, fading to alabaster on our faces and stomachs—and asking, ”Which one is me?” When we were that little, even in photographs it was hard to tell us apart. With our long straight hair that was blush pink at the ends and just beginning to darken from violet to obsidian at the roots.

Even our dapples were perfectly matched. Do you remember when you had us each draw the other’s, so we could compare them on paper? You were always right, always ingenious in your plans, too. Always thinking up some new, wild idea. We were an identical set, down to our amethyst eyes and our cloven hooves, and our horns that grew in slowly over time.

If I hadn’t gotten that tattoo, we would have been the same forever. If you hadn’t convinced me to get that tattoo, I would have lost you forever.

i think i thought i saw you try

tenacious, clever, outgoing, unapologetic, captivating, lush
bitter, sarcastic, unstable, dishonest

Sometimes, Hannah, I try to be someone other than who I am. I think it is because I do not know how to be without you. But maybe it is for no good reason at all, that I meet a stranger in the street and I give them a fake name and a fake life to go along with it. Does that make me creative, or wrong? Maybe it just makes me lonely. Sometimes I sit in your room and I wait for you to come out of the shower, or in from the hall. I am still figuring out how to live a twinless life, even if you are not truly gone.

You would not believe the fun I can have, sometimes, if I just let go. If I just allow myself to have it. Oh, sister, to party all night and to love everyone and anyone without really loving them at all—without having to worry about whether they will get too close to me. Sometimes, it is easy to be more like you, than like me. More like popular, outgoing, everyone’s favorite, Hannah rather than quiet, unwavering, uncanny Lotte.

And sometimes, Hannah, I am angry. And sometimes I do not know how to be anything other than angry. Anything other than sour, and acidic, like a poorly made lemonade. Sometimes my words are sharper than my teeth, with a much stronger bite. Maybe this is just the way I am meant to be now. It is the only way I know how to disguise the fact that I am lost without you by my side. Sister, why are you no longer by my side?

but that was just a dream

There is no before you, Hannah. There is only when you were here and after you.

How can there be anything else?

We have always been together, since birth, and you are all I have ever had and needed. Not in the way we needed mother and father to keep us alive, until they were gone. Not in the way we needed our brothers after that, to look over us and keep us safe. In the way that you are an intrinsic part of who I am. Without you, I am not me.

I got along okay with them—our brothers—not in the same way that you get along with everyone. Others adore you. Stop and stare when you walk into a room. Long to get closer to you. You get along with everyone. I simply tolerate them, and more now than ever. Elias, well, most of the time I do not know what to make of him and I am certain he does not know what to make of me. Vasily was, in a lot of ways, the easiest to be around and Marco is never around even if I wished he were.

Now, it does not matter. It does not matter because Hannah you are not here and without you I am only half of myself, if myself at all. With you things were easier because you always made sure to include me, no matter what. You always knew exactly what I needed and when.

After you?

Well, I am only sometimes me and sometimes you and sometimes I am someone else entirely. And depending on who I am, it is easier to talk to them and to anyone.

Hannah… do you remember mother and father at all? I try to. When I am lying in your bed at night, waiting for you to join me, I try to remember their faces, and their voices. And sometimes, I try to picture grandmother even though I have no memory of her at all.

There is no before her, for me. Only after.

Why is there an after at all? Afters are so awful, after all.

Active & Parvus Magic





Passive Magic

the living tattoo

I still remember the night you dared me to get the tattoo. It was summer, and the air was oppressive and suffocating. We laid on the floor of your room with the windows open, and it was so late that there was not a sound. Even the crickets and the wind in the trees were asleep. You leaned your neck against mine dramatically—your skin was warm, and slick with sweat, and your eyes were too bright with mischief. You said, “Lottie, you should get a tattoo.” I blanched at the idea, but you were in too deep. By the time we fell asleep, you had talked me into it.

We went two weeks later. I was nervous the whole time but you never left my side. The ink was some kind of magic, I guess, because at the end of the session I had a beautiful magenta snake tattoo, filled with intricate markings and designs that moved. It slithered and curled up along the curves of my body of its own free will, as if it had a mind of its own. And now, Hannah, it is my only connection to you. Without this tattoo, I would have lost you completely. Perhaps that was your plan all along, for me to carry you with me forever.





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