Below Zero
my frost philosophy will put no curse on me
The world seemed so alive, even as night had fallen and suffocated out the sunlight. The moon had taken her spot in the sky, giving light to those below who celebrated. Bonfires flickered, cast glowing embers into the air, and painting hides with soft hues of orange, yellow and red. Many might see the hues and colors of fall dancing from soul to soul . . . Bel only saw the red, red like blood. Her eyes closed briefly, her heart already aching with pain for the path she would be taking. Her heart wasn't in the celebrations . . . no, she was here for another reason.
She stood out against the darkness - her body glowing faintly with that cyan glow her people where known for, turning what might have been a silvered out body beneath moonlight to something . . . more. The glow cascaded over her dual-nature form, along her tail and fin, up her sides and neck, and totally encompassing her two sets of eyes. She likely looked like a sea monster stepped ashore . . . she currently felt like a monster. Her gaze turned towards the place of the alters, some already glittering and glimming with light of the candles - whispers and prayers to those dearly departed.
That was where she would go . . but it was not to be an easy distance to cross. Her limbs seemed to shake slightly, as if she were going up to battle against a shark with a thirst for flesh than the memories of those now gone. Her breath came out in tiny poofs of nervous air, congealing into a soft cloud of fog as her hot breath met cold, autumn air. The returned deep breath in brought the scent of the festivities, autumn air, cider, and it helped ground her, remind her that she was owed this closure as well, and she wasn't here alone.
Still her limbs shook as she moved into the quiet area for mourning. She paused by the candles, before silently picking one up with her mouth. She wanted to do this herself - no magic . . . she wasn't very good at using the magic anyways. it had no purpose in the waters. She carried one candle to a small alter, before following it up with a smaller candle to set beside it. From there it was a slow task, carrying a few careful picked items at a time, not once stirring up her magic that tended to lay silently with in her anyways. It was a taxing duty, crossing the space time and time again, collecting items and small trinkets, but slowly her alter, her shrine was built up. Tiny bits of coral, little seashells and bits of clams and oysters. Items of the sea, placed carefully around the large candle, and the slightly smaller candle next to it.
Bel lowered her muzzle towards the ground, and in one quick motion, rubbed her hoof against her nose, where a faint speckling of scales lay against her skin. A few flaked off, and she carefully picked those pieces up with her magic - afraid of damaging them and let the tiny scales settle among the pile of artifacts from the sea - all but two scales that is. The final two where placed against the body of the candles, one on each, a part of her to join her mother and sister.
It was only then did Bel finally allow the candles to be lit. A word hadn't been spoken in the process, and still she was silent as she stared at the two candles, their flickering soft and gentle. "Mama . . . Polar North." She glanced from candle to candle, suddenly unsure of what to say. A soft cree left her, a quieter version of a sound similar to that of a dolphin mourning, but distorted by the lack of water to carry the sound. "I . . . I'm sorry Polar . . . I should have . . . ." Wetness dotted at her eyes and the mare jolted, touching her face with a forelimb, surprised when the soft fur came back wet. "Why . . . are my eyes leaking?" She asked herself before shaking her attention back to the candles at hand. She couldn't let herself be distracted. This was her time to say goodbye, to fix thing, to make things better. To start to heal.
"Mama, it was terrible . . . Polar . . . looked so bad after the shark. So much . . . so much of her fin gone. The . . . the pod wanted to leave her . . . from the beginning. Papa and I fought them about it. We tried so hard. Traveling had to be slow, and Papa and I carried her usually. But the bleeding was never able to be fully stopped, leaving trails to be f-found. There were s-so many close calls, Mama. So many . . . so many . . . ." Her voice died, her eyes unfocused as tears fell down her cheeks unstopped, "Mama, I tried to defend her. To help her. I tried to get the wound to heal, but . . . but she couldn't swim proper . . . Polar . . . I'm so sorry Polar. I should . . . I should have stopped them. I . . . I should have . . . ." The aquatic creature shook her head, trying to banish the thoughts that were stirring up with out her control.
"That pup will get us killed! It's already slowed us down way to much! She can't even swim anymore. She was as good as dead when her tail was bitten off. We need to do the right thing. For the pod." Below Zero's eyes narrowed harshly onto the bull talking, her head held high as she met the fiery red gaze of Ice Shard. He was as cold as Vapor Treaders came, and he was always the first to voice an abandonment. She'd seen him walk away from his own mother when he decided that her leg wound wouldn't heal fast enough for the 'pod's survival'.
"We are not leaving my sister behind. Polar is trying - but we are moving too much too soon to even give her a chance to heal! She hardly bleeds anymore!" She argued, turning to look at her father in hopes he would help support her. After all Polar and she were all that they had left of her mother. Seascape had gone down from a shark in the same attack that had robbed Polar of most of her tail. Her father didn't say anything though. His eyes were on the ice at his feet. "Papa, surely you're not . . . you're not agreeing with them! Polar will be fine! She just needs time to rest and heal."
Ice Shard sneered at Bel, his gaze cold and annoyed, "Don't be foolish Below Zero," Bel made a face in return as her full name was used. Stuck in a world of tradition, Ice Shard refused to call her anything shorter, "Northern Caps knows what must be done. Polar North is as good as dead." Her father still refused to say anything, and Bel stood taller, straighter - ready to defend the tiny filly who was sleeping peacefully in the middle of the pod, "NO!" The word came out sharper, louder than she intended, and the rest of the pod glanced towards the small group meeting, most of the expression sympathetic. Losing a loved one was hard . . . . abandoning one, especially a young one was even harder.
"That's enough Bel . . . I know this is hard, but . . . but it's better for the pod. Less of a risk." Bel stared at her father in horror, her eyes wide and unbelieving, "What about what is better for Polar! We'd be abandoning her to the elements, to predators! It'd a slow and painful way to die!" She cried, her voice betraying her desperation for her sister's life. "We can't just leave her here." Her father looked at her sadly, brushing his muzzle against her cheek, "It's already been decided. We dive tomorrow. Polar will . . . stay behind . . ."
Bel stared in horror before sneering coldly at both of the males she was talking to. Her father looked dejected but accepting, but Ice Shard was sneering at her with clear pleasure at her pain. Truly a heart of ice. A cold wind rushed past them, causing both males to shiver even as Bel leaned into the icy touch, her eyes harsh, "Then you . . . father . . . get the pleasure of explaining to your child why you're abandoning he-"
"You're abandoning me?" The voice was tiny, frightened, and all three adults froze and glanced to the side where Polar North stood, her body gleaming with a soft pale lavender glow, her eyes scared and her mauled tail draped low against the snow, "P-please . . . P-please d-don't. I'll d-do better. G-give me a ch-chance! Please! D-don't leave me h-here to die! I-I don't w-want to die!" The little pup begged, her voice shaking and high, half of her words coming out as shrill whistles and crees.
Her father turned away, unable to look and Ice Shard glared at the tiny creature before roughly pushing past her, shoving the foal down. Bel rushed forward, helping her sister find her footing, trying to reassure her that they'd change Ice Shard's mind. Everyone's mind. That night, Polar and Bel slept cuddled together, refusing to be near their father who had damned Polar with his decision.
But when mornning game, Bel was forciably herded away from her terrified sister who begged and pleaded for reconsidering. It wasn't until her father nipped Bel that Bel was forced to accept defeat, and walked away from her pleading sister of her own free will. Bel glanced back and winced at the betrayal on Polar's face, "You promised Bel! You promised." One by one the pod was diving into the waters until only Bel, her father, Ice Shard and her sister remained. Her father dived with out sparing Polar another looking.
Bel stood almost frozen, lost in the desperate, betrayed gaze of her little sister, "Bel you promised! You promised! D-don't leave me! You can't d-do this! Bel!" Ice shard kicked snow at the tiny foal, nudging Bel forward, "I . . . I'm sorry Polar. F-forgive me." With the plea in the air, and Ice Shard's shoving, Bel was forced to dive, but the final accusing, defeated look her sister had given her pained her heart. The guilt was heavy . . . heavier than any she'd felt before . . . and less than a week later she had left the pod forever.
Bel stared at the two flickering candles with a heavy heart, her gaze locked soully on the smaller one, "Oh . . Oh Polar . . . I'm s-so sorry I c-couldn't keep my promise. I . . . I hope you were able to f-forgive me. I'm . . . I'm so sorry Polar. I'm so sorry." With that final apology, Bel hung her head, tears falling down her face as she mourned the life forced to end too soon. And her part in playing her sister's executioner.
Thoughts Speech
Notes: Poor little Bel
i feel no cold, i feel no fear inside my mind Now I'm full of energy
Sol snorted as he breathed in the fall air. He loved the smell of autumn, the changes in the leaves and soil that announced the world readying for the crush of winter. It seemed like the world was holding it's breath and he loved it. He had decided to take a flight as the sun set and bathed the already colorful world in even more colors. From above, it looked like a giant painting. As the sun sank, taking the warmth with it, Sol began angling to the soil to see where he was over the realm.
A glowing figure in the gloom caught his attention, his golden eyes zeroing in on Bel's radiant beauty. She seemed different than when he usually saw her and he frowned as he touched back to the earth. As usual, he took a few moments to acclimate to the change in gravity and get his wings fully tucked away. Weaving his way through the bodies around him, he searched for the glow that told him where she was. He had intended to seek her soon, preferably with flowers or some other suitable gift. A late rose on the outskirts of the night market caught his eye and he paused to pick it. Tucking it protectively between his wings, he continued on his search for the aquatic mare.
Finding her, he paused a few lengths away and took in her distressed form. Her head was dropped, tears flowing down her pale face. The sight tore at his heart and he wanted nothing more than to comfort her. Without thought, his hooves carried him closer to her and his muzzle dipped toward her side.
"Bel? Are you alright?" He murmured, head rising to search for any sign of what might have caused her the distress. His protective instincts took hold and he wanted to know who was to blame for her sorrow. Seeing nothing amiss, he dropped his gaze back to her and waited patiently for her to speak to him.
Below Zero
my frost philosophy will put no curse on me
Her cyan glow was the only bright spot to her, as she stood before the alter, head bowed. Her eyes never wavered however - focused on the two candles that fluttered in the slight breeze, the encouraging wind that seemed to want to blow them out. Bel wouldn't allow it however, and her body shifted to help block the candles, so their flames grew stronger, carrying the smoke in soft spirals up to the heaven, her words whispered softly in that smoke. A silent part of her hoped the smoke would carry her whispers, her plaintiff pleas to the ears of those long gone, that her words might reach her mother and sister.
She had no idea Polar lived, watched over just as she was by their mother from her skyward home in the heavens. Still Bel mourned her sister, her actions that led to Pol's dismissal from the herd, her abandonment to the elements, her perceived death to what ever horrors had waited for her. She should have tried hard, protected her better . . . She should have fought for her sister . . . her sister's life. A quiver raced down Bel's back, her dorsal fin flexing before in a motion that she rarely did, she carefully folded it down, the bars of the fin collapsing one on top of the other until it was flat down her back, the thick fin membrane awkwardly folding in a way it wasn't designed to. The motion was mirrored by her frilled ears laying flat as well, whispering her apologies desperately, even as her eyes appeared to leak water that she no longer noticed.
A sound behind her hardly drew her attention, one ear twitching before dismissing it as someone else heading off to mourn on their own. That was until the heavy hooves carried the being closer to her, to her side, and a muzzle touched her. It was enough to startle her out of her mourning, causing the aquatic mare to suddenly fling her fin back up into place, jumping to the side, a motion that would likely have caused another aquatic raised horse to draw parallels to a lion fish flashing it's fins in an attempt to prove itself as an adversary not worth taking on.
Her alarm diminished as she recognized the voice before the large form. The tenor was gentle, but deep; reassuring just as much as it was familiar. Her gaze turned towards the large beast, her eyes glowing in a way that seemed far more out of this world than it had on the Island. The Island made all things strange seem normal. On normal land, her alien features seemed far more obvious. Are you alright? She blinked at the question, before noting that her eyelashes seemed to briefly stick together with slickness. She rubbed her cheek against one limb, being careful of the scattering of scales on her face that were hidden with in the mass of short, soft fur. "I'm . . . alright." She mumbled before drawing her face from her forelimb, blinking at the wetness, "My . . . eyes are leaking. Is . . . is that normal?" She asked softly in a quiet voice.
Her normal spark was muted, buried down behind grief as she glanced back to the two candles, her eyes watching them burn. Already rivets of wax careened down their sides, encompassing their base. Some rivets were partially covering the scale she'd gently pressed into each of the candles. Her voice started again, more hesitated, "I had to . . . apologize to her. Or, atleast . . . try. I . . . don't know if . . . she would even . . . hear me . . . forgive me." She glanced back at him then, her glowing eyes seeming to mask the emotions hidden with in the cyan hues, "You were surprised . . . when I didn't judge you for your past." She turned back to the candles, her muzzle caressing the smaller of the two, "I cannot judge you . . . for I did something so much worse." She fell silent then, letting the quiet fill the void between her and the large stallion.
The silence seemed to stretch between them as she watched the flame flicker and bend, flaring and dimming as the elements interacted with it. After a long pause, followed by another even larger one; she finally filled the void again with quiet words, "I killed my sister . . . not by my fin, but my actions. I left her . . . the pod left her for dead. She was so little, so young. She'd have never been able to fend of what ever predator smelled her blood . . . . I didn't fight for her like I should have. I let Ice Shard and my father direct my choice. I walked away from her as she begged me to stay. She knew she would die . . . that is what happens to any Treader cast from the Pod. My baby sister . . . . I killed her." She did look at Sol, her gaze held strong on that candle for her sister. Her ears didn't perk towards him, in a way she'd forgotten he was there - realizing she just needed to get the story out.
Finally she comes back to the present, looking back towards him, "How can I judge you for what you did in blind rage, when I killed a loved one. I swam out on her, abandoned her to her death. The pod may have been the jury, but I was her executioner. How can I judge you, when what I did was . . . so, so much worse." In her eyes, her actions were . . . simply . . . unforgiveable.
Thoughts Speech
Notes: My little darling T.T
i feel no cold, i feel no fear inside my mind Now I'm full of energy
10-15-2019, 01:09 AM - This post was last modified: 10-15-2019, 01:10 AM by Below Zero
"I'm . . . alright. My . . . eyes are leaking. Is . . . is that normal?" Sol felt his heart being torn apart by her distress and couldnt stop his steps closer to her. Couldnt help the desire to try to comfort her the best that he could. For a moment, he thought about his flaming hooves and the fact that she was a creature of the water, glad that he couldnt actually burn her with them. "It is so hard to remember that you are from a whole different world. The leaking is tears. It is your body's way of releasing the pain and emotions that it is feeling. A good cry can lighten your heart as you express the pain that you are feeling. It can also come from joy, though not as often." He explained softly, his velvety voice lowered so that he was only speaking to her as his wings on her side stretched out to try to protect her from the wind.
"I had to . . . apologize to her. Or, atleast . . . try. I . . . don't know if . . . she would even . . . hear me . . . forgive me. You were surprised . . . when I didn't judge you for your past. I cannot judge you . . . for I did something so much worse." Sol pulled her close, not believing for a second that the warm hearted mare beside him could ever do anything worse than he did. "Nothing you could do would cause me to damn you or think any less of you. I have seen the warm heart within your aquatic self." Her said softly, golden eyes warm as he gazed at her.
"I killed my sister . . . not by my fin, but my actions. I left her . . . the pod left her for dead. She was so little, so young. She'd have never been able to fend of what ever predator smelled her blood . . . . I didn't fight for her like I should have. I let Ice Shard and my father direct my choice. I walked away from her as she begged me to stay. She knew she would die . . . that is what happens to any Treader cast from the Pod. My baby sister . . . . I killed her." Sol's heart broke for the despair in her voice. "The blame for that doesnt rest on your shoulders. Your choice was made for you. This Ice Shard and your father are the ones with blood on their hooves. Some traditions are not worth keeping, but changing the hearts of those that hold traditions like they are sacred orders from a God can be hard. You were given no choice." He vowed softly, though there was lingering anger at the stallions that had made the order and forced Bel to tear out her own heart in the process. This mare was clearly broken in some aspect by it and all he wanted to do was find her pod and make them pay for the pain that they had put her though.
"How can I judge you for what you did in blind rage, when I killed a loved one. I swam out on her, abandoned her to her death. The pod may have been the jury, but I was her executioner. How can I judge you, when what I did was . . . so, so much worse." Sol shook his head. "The crimes you claim as your own are the crimes of another. It is difficult to disobey those higher in leadership than yourself. If you had fought, perhaps you would have been left for a predator as well... or worse. Either way, you may not have been able to save your sister, even by staying. I do understand your pain though. The loss of any loved one is difficult and when you are forced to allow them to be left behind... That is unthinkable cruelty from those that are making you choose such a fate." It was definitely easy to pick up his fury at the pod that had abused her, at least in his mind. The massive ebony stallion wanted nothing more than the complete destruction of her pod and those that had hurt her. Bottling up his rage, he forced calm to descend in his heart and to allow him to care for and comfort the distraught mare beside him. She may believe that her actions were worse, but so did he. He was not forced to attack, but attacked in a fit of rage. She was forced away from her obviously beloved sister by those that didnt care for her pain.
Below Zero
my frost philosophy will put no curse on me
Bel was trying to hold strong, but saying goodbye was hard. Saying goodbye - and I'm sorry - was even harder. Especially when she couldn't be sure in her heart if she'd been, or ever would be forgiven. Her fins had been tied, and those shackles held tighter than any fisherman's net when it came to that fateful morning. But, she could shuck the blame off of herself. She couldn't ignore the despair, the plea in her sister's eyes. The distressed disbelief . . . and then the abandonment, the blame. Her sister saw it as her fault. But the fact her eyes were leaking over this was a little . . . concerning. That was until the male stepped closer to her, and spoke of it being hard to remember she was from a different world. She was silent, but nodded lightly as he explained tears to her - the concept foreign. After all, when you're in the water the whole time, you wouldn't be able to tell if you were crying water as well.
His wings stretched out and suddenly the wind was partially blocked from her, and she glanced up at him in surprise before looking at his wings and offering him a half smile before explaining that she'd done something so much worse than what he'd done His response was to pull her close, an action that had the little aquatic mare startling and glancing up at the stallion becoming a dear friend with surprise once she had her hooves back under her. His words were soft, his gaze warm when he assured her that nothing she could do would result in him damning herself, speaking of a warm heart.
So she told him. Told him of Polar North, her beloved sister. Even as she finished speaking, her gaze was partially lowered, watching the ground beneath her as her vapors settled on her skin with a cooler touch than normal, a coolness that made her a touch more comfortable - more relaxed - more like cold of the polar caps. He spoke again, his words in a vow as he told her that blame doesn't rest on her shoulders, choices had been made for her. And so Bel glanced up at him again, a second shake of her head, "No, I can't just shuck the weight off of me. Whether the choice was made for me or not, I broke my vow to stay by her side, to protect her and care for her. For that, I carry the guilt, the blame. I should have stayed with her, protected her and helped her. But I was far younger then - afraid even. Abandoned by the Pod is a death sentence, leaving it was casting yourself in exile. I couldn't bring myself to walk away so I might stay with her . . ."
She paused, before stating softly, "That was the option they gave me. The pod leaves her behind . . . or the Pod leaves us behind, her and I. Father begged me to choose the Pod. Begged me not to let him lose his whole family in such a short time. Mother had died in the attack that had maimed my sister . . . He was stricken with grief of her death, as well as the grave injuries of Pol." She paused, hesitating on how to explain just how distraught and out of it her father had been, "What you . . . need to understand is my people . . . we don't just take a new mate. Treaders mate for life, it's that one soul for us for all of time. When mother died . . . my father didn't speak for the first fourty-eight hours. Not only was he dealing with the grief of mother, but he had an injured four month old who needed his assistance, his help. He wasn't the stallion, devoted to family, as he'd been before. And when faced with losing one . . . or both of his remaining family . . . he begged me not to leave him alone. Was it fair of him, perhaps not. But while he was still so grief stricken, he had issues seeing beyond that pain. Mother's death left a huge hole in his heart, and in isn't a wound that will ever heal for him."
Still Sol seemed determined to shelter from her crimes, her blame, telling her they were the crimes of another. Bel didn't have a response to that, but the guilt still was worn, the pain it had caused. No words from another would relieve her of it. She saw the blame in Pol's eyes, and it was her sister who had controlled the placement of blame. She knew why Pol had been left behind. It wasn't just traditions to her Pod. It was a necessity for survival. They spent all their time in shark infested waters. The smallest prick of blood could call them forward . . . it was too risky, to dangerous for those injured to stay with the Pod. There was no other options. But she was relieved he was still by her side, trying to offer her comfort. But she also tried hard to not focus to hard on the past and the pain she carried. She pulled gently away from him, ducking under the protective wing so as to move around him, tugging on a strand of his mane as she did so, "Come, no point in sitting around waiting for a Bad Luck Fish to swim by . . . let's join the festivities, some fun might be just what the doctor ordered." She paused, glancing back at the alter and the two candles still burning, "Good bye Momma, Polar." I'm so sorry, again, Pol. So . . . sorry.
Thoughts Speech
@Sol Bestiam Notes: Now he can cheer her up <3
i feel no cold, i feel no fear inside my mind Now I'm full of energy
"No, I can't just shuck the weight off of me. Whether the choice was made for me or not, I broke my vow to stay by her side, to protect her and care for her. For that, I carry the guilt, the blame. I should have stayed with her, protected her and helped her. But I was far younger then - afraid even. Abandoned by the Pod is a death sentence, leaving it was casting yourself in exile. I couldn't bring myself to walk away so I might stay with her . . ." Sol gazed at her with soft golden eyes, orbs that were molten than usual as he watched her struggle with the guilt that seemed to be overwhelming her. He hated it. The more he heard about her past, the more he detested her pod. But then, he hadnt been the beacon of perfection as a colt either and had made his own share of mistakes that had driven him away with guilt of his own. "I understand. Trust me. I also have learned that holding on to guilt and pushing harder on yourself is the easiest way to completely lose it and become what you dont want to become. You must learn to forgive yourself as much as those around you." A huge part of his grumpy nature was due to guilt, something that Bel herself had helped him to work through a bit more. She was the first true friend that he could claim.
The pain in her voice as she explained the circumstances and gave him more information about her species tore at his grumpy heart. While he had a mask over his softer nature when it came to others... Bel broke through that. He let himself trust her enough to be his true self with her. The self that cared about others and even could have reverence if he felt that he could understand a higher power. "I am truly sorry for everything that you went through. There is no reason that you should have had to deal with all of that on your own. A father should put his own grief aside so that he can see what is best for his family, not wallow. Leave the wallowing for when he can afford to do it, not while there is still crisis in his home." He had resented his own sire for not caring about his family enough to put his own emotions aside while dealing with strife. "But my personal thoughts are not what you need right now. I am here to support you no matter what. You are my dearest friend, the one that accepted me when no one else would. And I would be a terrible friend if I didnt accept you no matter what. I am here for you." He promised, his head lowering to where he could look her in the eye and let her see the promise within them. There was an inkling that there might be more than friendship blooming in his heart, but he refused to acknowledge it until he knew for sure... and knew that she wouldnt laugh at him for it. There was a fear of rejection buried within him that he didnt even fully recognize.
"Come, no point in sitting around waiting for a Bad Luck Fish to swim by . . . let's join the festivities, some fun might be just what the doctor ordered. Good bye Momma, Polar." Sol smiled as she pulled a strand of his mane. Taking the time to carefully tuck his wing back in, he shook his head. "Fun sounds perfect. Any particular brand in mind?" He asked, careful to not interrupt her good byes to her beloved family. Part of him could not help but wonder what had happened after her sister had been abandoned. He would never bring up his thoughts, but they were lodged in his brain all the same. Shaking his head, he gazed at the festivities around them and wondered what all there was to do.
@Below Zero
"Speaking." Notes: <3 Sol was a bit pushy on his thoughts -headdesk-
When heaven seems so far away and dreams are just a memory
There were regrets that one might live with. Missed chances that they'll ponder about, forgotten conversations they might wish had gone different, doors closed before they were prepared to walk through them. It was a part of life, accepting those chances and not leaning to heavily on the 'what ifs' of if it had been different. But Bel's regret ran deeper in the image of her sister who hadn't even had a chance to experience those doors before her perceived (by Bel) death. Bel's biggest regret wasn't a regret for herself, but for her sister and a life she was convinced had been taken so soon. And so, even with Sol's desperation to rid her of that pain, of his determination to see that it wasn't really her fault, she was a victim just as her sister had been, she still carried that guilt heavy across her shoulders, a thousand pounds of imaginary regret that was her burden to bare. He spoke, and despite her down-casted face, the large set of eyes focused on the ground, her hooves, anything else, the smaller set of secondary eyes did turn towards him. It wasn't that she didn't trust him, she knew he understood the guilt that one could carry. She knew he was right about learning to forgive yourself . . . but there was a difference between the guilt of he carried, of an innocent hurt, and the guilt she carried, of her baby sister, the one she aught to have protected murdered by her inaction. That wasn't something you can just learn to forgive yourself for. Bel carried the guilt and weight of her actions, and the self-branded belief that she was a murderer, "I suppose you're . . . just stronger than I am, Sol. I can't just forgive myself yet . . . Whether you see me as a murderer or not, I assisted in her death - I played just as big of a role as Shard had by his decisions . . . I may not have cast the vote, but I practically invited the shark to the feast by not defending her. If I were to ignore it, to accept it and not let it weight down on me - what would that make me, to be okay with the murder of my sister by my inaction." She owed Pol more than that.
There was a vast difference in the lives they had lived - she and Sol, and where as her father's behavior made since to Bel, to Sol it did not. He spoke of her father needing to put the grief aside to do what was best for his family - but Bel could understand why he hadn't be able to. The love between two treaders was so much more than just mates. It was like never seeing color in your life, and suddenly as something powerful developed between the two individuals it was like your world was flooded with neon lights and vibrant hues you had only heard stories about. It was like the blind seeing for the first time, the deaf hearing for the first time. It wasn't just a mate, it was a soulmate, the other half that completed you and made you whole . . . and when her father had lost her mother, he had lost more than his mate. He had lost the colors in the world, he'd lost the brightness and warmth the sun brought to the day. He had lost his better half, his heart and his soul, and in it's place a husk had been left, broken and beaten by the missing piece that no longer walked at his side. "My people . . . . we do not survive the loss of our mates well. The fact father held on at all was amazing in itself. Mates rarely outlive one another. When one is gone . . . the other loses their will to do anything, family aside. The love that treaders share is a powerful, and wonderful thing, but when they lose that other half, they lose all the good things about the world. Father tried, please don't think ill of him for his suffering. He held on, when many in his place would have gone to the sharks to joint their other half in the beyond." Her father had tried . . . Bel was relieved when Sol did push those thoughts aside, declaring him there to support her, and she nodded gently, "Thank you, I'm glad to have a friend like you." She stated with a faint smile.
At the topic of moving on, away from the candles and back to the party, she smiled faintly when he agreed and the two started to walk off, before a voice of a past had screamed her name and stopped Bel in her path.
"Speech" Thoughts
@Sol Bestiam Notes:: Shall we call this one done and continue it in the one with Pol and her xP
I need someone who sees the fire in my eyes And wants to play with it...
Sol was beginning to understand where she was coming from and couldnt find the words to explain it. Pulling against her lightly with his wing, he tried to comfort her further. "I dont mean to say that you should be ok with her loss. Not by any means. But I also hate to see your guilt destroying the beautiful heart that beats within you. Even in the face of such pain and regret, you are so much stronger than you know." He murmured, his muzzle pressing close to her neck as he tried to express himself. It was funny, he had never before had such troubles trying to express himself. But here he was, sounding like an idiot and probably looking like one as well. "And there is no way that I am stronger than you. I ran away from everything after my bad decisions... You are trying to live with them and find a way to keep going. If anything, you make me look like a coward while you are the rock solid one."
Sol listened to her words, trying to wrap his head around the bond between mates in her species. It was hard to understand, particularly to one that had never experienced love of any kind before. Even with his parents, there hadnt been true love between them and their son. "I find myself apologizing again. I have never witnessed real love, not romantically or familial. I judged what I do not know out of anger and it was not my place. I am so sorry that you had to go through all of this without the support of your father, but I am also trying to understand why he did what he did." Sol answered, once again berating himself for putting his hoof into his mouth and sounding like an ass.
"Thank you, I'm glad to have a friend like you." Sol felt a warmth spread through him. "I may be an idiot, but I will always be your friend." He murmured as they moved, feeling a jolt pass through him at the furious call behind them. Staying with Bel, he faced the angry filly that had called and felt the blood drain from his face. It couldnt be... Could it?
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