with fire in my mouth
I became my own goddess
I became my own goddess
I
have never wanted the world to belong to me so much as I have wanted to watch it burn. Maybe this is the difference between my siblings and I, especially the boys. Pilate and Adonai would keep the other alive if it meant they kept their riches and their titles. Miriam would sweep the ashes as they burned, swearing everything was just as it should be. Ruth would never start the fire, but neither would she put it out. And Hagar, she would argue with the flames of who was most beautiful. Me, I like the way it sounds when flint strikes against steel. And the way the sparks erupt.
My mane blows like rust in the desert wind. I forgot how hot it is in Solterra this time of year, even here, in the gardens. I cant imagine the rest of them, out there on the street or the Mors. Hagar is painting below me as I look down the balcony I stand upon. I wonder what she is painting, probably herself. I remember how she cried when her pet was killed, big crocodile tears. I held her and kissed her cheeks as little sisters do. I wonder too, how long has it been since she has cried like that?
I turn and walk back inside my room leaving her to her painting. I pick up my Hagar doll and place it out in the garden of the doll house my father had one of our servants build a long time ago. I kiss the top of her head and smooth her hair. She really was very pretty.
I exit my room and being to walk down the halls, and I see the stairs leading to Miriam’s room. I wonder what she does in there all day. Even I do not know and I have been unable to find out from the servants. It is a strange thing being home, as it has been quite some time, but I found that a hiatus from the company is what was needed, and a bit of time back with the family would be beneficial. I am sure they have missed me after all. “Lady Delilah.” One the of the servants startles in surprise when we make to round the same corner. I smile sweetly and touch upon a piece of hair that was out of place—how unbecoming. But all better now. “Prince Adonai, I believe he is in the sun room, alone,” he says. They did so love to update me on my siblings’ whereabouts. It is as if I never even left. I smile again before skipping off in that direction.
He is sitting there, staring out the window as he plays the lyre. I wonder if he has even heard me come in. I shut the for quietly behind me as I approach, graceful like the side winders I see over the dunes. His music has always been beautiful. I think should this house ever burn, I would save that lyre and place it on a mantel.
I smile.
I smile all teeth and little warmth.
A lethal thing under any other circumstance really.
Oh, but not my eldest brother. For I love him so, so much.
I wait for a break in the music before I exhale. “That was lovely, brother,” I say with a sweeping blink of green eyes as I come to his side. I settle beside him and pluck a single string on the instrument and listen to the way it hums through the room.
“I had been meaning to ask you, how was the party?” I ask him, tucking my head underneath his chin as I had done since I was small. I am allowed certain things my siblings are not, being the youngest now. “I’m assuming Pilate planned the entire thing?” I ask with a scoff as I pull away. “Imagine how extravagant it would have been had you planned it, eldest brother.” Eldest brother, I know I he likes to be called that, it gives him that reminder that he was the first, the first made, the first loved. Though Pilate may be the first in line now, Adonai is still the eldest. No one can take that away from him.
I enjoy watching Pilate try though.
{ @Adonai delilah "speaks" notes: xoxo Delilah }
