Recently, he had felt... strange.
There was a sense of disconnect between body, heart, and ideal of self. The stallion was not sure where this sensation had come from or when it would leave him, but all he knew was that he could not wait to feel himself again. Even if the scarlet stained brute's understanding of normal was a constant drone of self loathing and bitterness that filled his days and his breath - he supposed that normal was just what one was used to, and Camdis Lohir was entirely used to the blackened feeling of self hatred along his spine.
It should have been a comfort, this feeling of not-quite-apathy, not-quite-emptiness that surrounded the man like a veil. He wondered distantly if others had noticed, though he doubted it, he hadn't in contact with many that knew him well enough to make such an observation. Indeed, Camdis assumed that Kaladin or Pretty Bexley were the only two creatures that had marked his mannerisms enough to notice a change in the grouchy stag. A shrug rolled over his well muscled shoulders as he trudged toward the Vitreus, that fated meeting place of Rostislav and his first encounter with his own reflection; it would be well enough in time, Camdis could learn to live with a general sense of other as long as it didn't remove him from the place that he was beginning to carve out for himself in Denocte.
Hopefully he could begin to carve out a home for himself in his sovereign's heart as well.
A grim smile tugged at the stallion's mouth at the thought of Reichenbach, that bruised skin and those glimmering grins paired with an intense gaze and an air of intimacy that practically made Camdis' skin crawl with craving. It was not that the caretaker lusted after his monarch - though there had been a moment between their last meeting and his current state that the stallion had allowed a rather uncouth amount of heat into his thoughts with the youthful king - no, the draw to the Emperor of Stars was set deeper than that. There was something more than attraction that burned within Camdis Lohir's gut and while he could not place it, he welcomed it.
It was suspiciously similar to joy, dangerously close to an inferno, worriedly akin to everything and nothing all at once.
Yet, as the regal silhouette of his sovereign came into view, all sharp corners and curved edges, Camdis' smile slipped from his lips. It was as if every time he saw the gypsy lad, each time he laid eyes upon that silken skin -
He wondered what it would be to touch that skin, to feel the heat that undoubtedly rolled from the boy king's frame, to press against the musculature of his side in something closer, louder, bigger, than camaraderie -
he was in awe. Truly, though, it was not shocking that Reichenbach inspired such a reaction from anyone, least of all Camdis, for it was no secret that the monarch was of things more beautiful than the common man. He was of star stuff and moon dust, a lullaby and a war drum, searing heat and frigid embrace, a crowned Child of Denocte in every possible way. Drawing nearer and slowing to a stop before his king, standing square with chin held high, Camdis grinned and gave a nod to his emperor, rumbling voice breaking the relative silence that had descended as the moon rose, "Greetings, my friend." He flicked his heavy tail, the locks landing upon the grassy earth with a muffled thump, "The boy that fetched me - one of your wards - he is smart and swift, I would like to have him assigned to me as my page, if it pleases you. I believe it would do me well to have someone to fetch my herbs and tinctures."
What the stallion would not say, though, what was blaring within his skull, was that Camdis would like to offer the softer side of his nurturing urges to someone that deserved it, not some sniveling lordling who couldn't be bothered to learn something from a lowly healer.
There was a sense of disconnect between body, heart, and ideal of self. The stallion was not sure where this sensation had come from or when it would leave him, but all he knew was that he could not wait to feel himself again. Even if the scarlet stained brute's understanding of normal was a constant drone of self loathing and bitterness that filled his days and his breath - he supposed that normal was just what one was used to, and Camdis Lohir was entirely used to the blackened feeling of self hatred along his spine.
It should have been a comfort, this feeling of not-quite-apathy, not-quite-emptiness that surrounded the man like a veil. He wondered distantly if others had noticed, though he doubted it, he hadn't in contact with many that knew him well enough to make such an observation. Indeed, Camdis assumed that Kaladin or Pretty Bexley were the only two creatures that had marked his mannerisms enough to notice a change in the grouchy stag. A shrug rolled over his well muscled shoulders as he trudged toward the Vitreus, that fated meeting place of Rostislav and his first encounter with his own reflection; it would be well enough in time, Camdis could learn to live with a general sense of other as long as it didn't remove him from the place that he was beginning to carve out for himself in Denocte.
Hopefully he could begin to carve out a home for himself in his sovereign's heart as well.
A grim smile tugged at the stallion's mouth at the thought of Reichenbach, that bruised skin and those glimmering grins paired with an intense gaze and an air of intimacy that practically made Camdis' skin crawl with craving. It was not that the caretaker lusted after his monarch - though there had been a moment between their last meeting and his current state that the stallion had allowed a rather uncouth amount of heat into his thoughts with the youthful king - no, the draw to the Emperor of Stars was set deeper than that. There was something more than attraction that burned within Camdis Lohir's gut and while he could not place it, he welcomed it.
It was suspiciously similar to joy, dangerously close to an inferno, worriedly akin to everything and nothing all at once.
Yet, as the regal silhouette of his sovereign came into view, all sharp corners and curved edges, Camdis' smile slipped from his lips. It was as if every time he saw the gypsy lad, each time he laid eyes upon that silken skin -
He wondered what it would be to touch that skin, to feel the heat that undoubtedly rolled from the boy king's frame, to press against the musculature of his side in something closer, louder, bigger, than camaraderie -
he was in awe. Truly, though, it was not shocking that Reichenbach inspired such a reaction from anyone, least of all Camdis, for it was no secret that the monarch was of things more beautiful than the common man. He was of star stuff and moon dust, a lullaby and a war drum, searing heat and frigid embrace, a crowned Child of Denocte in every possible way. Drawing nearer and slowing to a stop before his king, standing square with chin held high, Camdis grinned and gave a nod to his emperor, rumbling voice breaking the relative silence that had descended as the moon rose, "Greetings, my friend." He flicked his heavy tail, the locks landing upon the grassy earth with a muffled thump, "The boy that fetched me - one of your wards - he is smart and swift, I would like to have him assigned to me as my page, if it pleases you. I believe it would do me well to have someone to fetch my herbs and tinctures."
What the stallion would not say, though, what was blaring within his skull, was that Camdis would like to offer the softer side of his nurturing urges to someone that deserved it, not some sniveling lordling who couldn't be bothered to learn something from a lowly healer.
@Reichenbach ahhh and we're getting back. <33
