He does not expect Sam to be tangible, does not expect to meet hard, unyielding flesh, and for a moment the world spirals as he hits the sand in shock. It is enough to give the wolf (his wolf) the advantage, and there is a wildfire sparking to life in his veins. When he stares up at the matte man his silver snake-eye is wide, the whites showing at the corners, his nostrils flared -- but he is not as panicked as he should be, when he sees the feral light in Sam's eyes, when he feels a hoof press against his cheek, when he hears that cursed name come from Sam’s lips and his ears sweep back to pin against his head. Sam’s words, venomous as they are, act as a balm to the terrible wounds left on his heart -- he is held down and forced to listen past the denial that springs to his lips, past the doubt that has always crept in the back of his mind, past the instinctive urge to run and hide away before what he wants is ripped from his hands like it has been so many times. His heart sings back I love you too in the gaping hollow of his chest, in the way he surges to his feet when Sam gives him the opening, in the way that ashes spring into flames within a body pushed near to death -- he doesn’t know how the words taste in his mouth, doesn’t know how the syllables would feel falling over his tongue, doesn’t think he could be so brave when he is still falling apart at every seam and his mind is still howling that this is a trick, that Sam will disappear from before his eyes and this will all be some terrible, cruel nightmare. His love has always had teeth to it, and he does not know how to be gentle. This is a dance that he has always known -- that he has sought out from other partners, that he has instigated in back alley brawls, spitting blood over a crooked grin -- but they had never been Sam, had never swayed to the rhythm that was a heartbeat drumming in their ears. It is his turn to lunge forward now, to throw his body towards Sam in reckless fury at the accusation that rings in his ears. “I searched for you everywhere--” The words leap from his tongue, and his teeth seek out purchase along the flesh of Sam’s crest, one hoof throwing itself out across the taller stallion’s back for purchase, and his ears are buried beneath the tangled mess of his mane, pinned tightly along his neck. “I woke up and you were gone, and then you didn't come back!" He had thought it normal, at first -- they had drifted in and out of each other’s days, had never quite had a schedule for when they would meet, had occasionally been busy with something. Then days had turned into weeks without any sign of Jetsam, and even Adriana had noticed him searching through Zion, poking his head into things she would rather he stay out of. He’s gone, She had sang to him with a grin full of thorns, with a malicious delight that sent shivers down his spine. He’s gone because no one has ever wanted you -- because you drove him away. You are nothing but a broken weapon -- a monster. He won’t be coming back. He doesn’t remember what happened afterwards -- until he held a match in his white-knuckled grip, until he was watching Zion go up in flames, until he had made himself into the monster she had always declared him. "---- I thought you had given up on me." |
@Jetsam
