Pain and heartbreak was one of those things that was hard to talk about, especially with a stranger, but perhaps it was something that truly needed to be said. Perhaps in order for her to start to truly heal, she needed to rip off the bandaid and let the infection ooze. Only then could she sterilize it with alcohol. While the burn would sting initially, the wound would begin to heal. In time, it would heal and produce a new scar. This scar would not be like the ones she wore proudly against her dappled coat. This scar would always run deeper and always hurt her with the change of a season and a new milestone met by her child. That ache would always be there, but in time she would learn to ignore its painful sting.
Katniss tries to have a pleasant conversation, something to keep her mind off the baby moving wildly within her womb and the pain in her heart. It was just what she needed to survive, to heal, to begin to look at the world through different, more open eyes. Introductions were a good start and she offered the mare her name and a silent offer to just call her Katniss. She did not need to be called Katniss the Warrior, Katniss the Champion of Battle, Katniss the one who’s lover died. She just needed to be called Katniss. It wasn’t that she was selling herself short, but it was more that she did not want to seem different than anyone else. She wanted those around her to feel comfortable in her presence, not scared or uneasy. Her companion seemed to jokingly call her Just Katniss and it made the mare smile. One might have seen the words as sarcastic, but Katniss knew them to be friendly in nature.
As she looks back to the mirror, the baby within her moves, making her skin jump without control. Katniss had gotten used to the movements over the months. At first they had startled her because she had not realized that the love she had for Metaphor and that quiet moment in the creek had taken. If you knew Katniss’ past, you might know that this is her first normal pregnancy so everything was so new and different. Each movement, each change in her body was different and unexpected. But she was trying to enjoy it, trying to hope that one day she would get to meet the baby she and Metaphor had wanted so badly.
Her eyes catch the mare’s and she cannot help but smile, genuinely this time, at the way the sudden movement of her foal had caused her gaze to quickly fall to her baby where the baby was kicking. It was then that Katniss decided that a walk would do them both some good. She could stop staring at her ever growing waistline and it would offer them both time for pleasant conversation, something she knew to be quite helpful.
As they fell into step with one another, Katniss looked at the merchants as she passed them. Several were selling jewelry, clothing, trinkets. Most of it was unnecessary, but she supposed everyone liked something. Her attention was brought back to the other mare as she states that she’s never seen a pregnancy before because her mother died so shortly after her birth. “I am sorry for your loss.” It was the appropriate thing to say, something no one had yet to tell her. Not even Isra had offered that sort of sentiment. Then again, she hadn’t expected the queen to. Maybe Isra just knew that Katniss was not quite ready to hear those words again. But none of that was what they had come here to talk about. They were supposed to be discussing her pregnancy, not loss.
Katniss sighed softly as she looked to the other mare, unsure of what sort of information did she wish to allow the other to know. “This is my second pregnancy, but my first relatively normal one. I am still learning.” Only Metaphor knew that her first pregnancy had been when she was so very young and immature. She had allowed a man to seduce her and he had left her with a gift she hadn’t wanted. Her pregnancy with her twin girls from conception to birth had only lasted a few minutes, not eleven months. The delivery had been hard for the frightened mare and it had caused her to abandon her girls from the moment they hit the air, before they even had a chance to stand. It was a dark part of her history, something only her lover had known about.
And then the other is introducing herself as Kassandra. Katniss offers her a solemn smile. “It is a pleasure to meet you as well, Just Kassandra.” Her smile turns a little more playful, joking with the mare on her decision to call her Just Katniss.
And then she was asking when she was due and Katniss could not help but feel the tear roll down her cheek at the thought of her due date. “…Any day now I suspect.” Eleven months ago she had gone to the creek with her lover to give herself completely to him. Eleven months ago, she had lost him to a land mine that had been meant for her. It was guilt that burdened the mare and it was guilt that caused the tears.
Most pregnancies, she assumed, were joyful and exciting, so it did not surprise her when Kassandra mentioned that she imagined it to be quite exciting. Exciting is not exactly the world she would have used to describe this pregnancy. “More like bittersweet and painful…emotionally, speaking.” She tried not to sound so upset, not wanting the other to feel bad. Perhaps she should tell the mare why it was so painful to her, so bittersweet. “The baby’s father, my lover, died eleven months ago…” She could do the math, determine that the baby’s father died very shortly after this child’s conception. Katniss did not regret going to the creek that evening. She had wanted to tell Metaphor how much she loved him and wanted to give him her everything. They both wanted this baby so very much. So Katniss was stuck in a place where she wanted this baby because it was a part of her and Metaphor…but her heart ached knowing that he would never get to see his child.
There was a soft call of an eagle above them and Katniss looked up to find Finnick soaring just above her. He could feel the pain in her heart and he wanted her to know that he was still with her, that he would always be there for her and for this baby. While Katniss had never had a bonded before, she couldn’t help but thank the gods for helping her to find Finnick. The Harpy eagle had been the one thing that had helped her navigate through this dark era. She owed him more than she could ever say in words.
@Kassandra - Good lord the muse was rolling on this one.
