OH, TO BE HERE ON THE GROUND
Toro might not like what he was asking but he certainly liked the attention. The staring goes on, and on, and on, though, and it gets weird, until Michael finally starts laughing and says, ”I think I live here?” which is an odd thing to say, and then he keeps laughing and speaking and Toro wonders if that is an insult, but it sounded so nice, and beneath his muscles his pride writhes sinewy as if to ask and do we get to hurt him for it? but that is rather an odd thing to ask too, and so he just follows Michael in silence up the mountain. He wants to say something and again is convinced that the anticipation will eventually guide them both of the ledge, but then Michael speaks, just as before, and there lies another ugly question on the path.
”So, why are you here now?”
Toro wants to think but doesn’t and so all that spills out of his mouth is, ”Oh, I’m just in town.” There is no fucking town here, you idiot, it’s a goddamn mountain range. ”The air up here strengthens the lungs. Good for warriors.” He’s not really sure what he’s saying now but doesn’t know how to stop. ”Probably good for the brain, and the heart, and all that internal stuff. Keeps you from wanting to end it all. You come up here thinking about jumping off the ledge, but the mountain air is so good that you go back down again without realizing you survived the whole trip.”And then, at the bottom, you realize you want to die again. Oh gods, what was he saying? This was too much. Something in him must’ve snapped on the way up here. He cleared his throat. A stray hair of concern from Hajduk tickled his heart; Toro reassured him with a flimsy echo of confidence. ”Kidding,” he said, but it had about the sincerity of someone “asking for a friend.”
@
"What I say,"
What I think,
What Hajduk thinks,
