B e l o w Z e r o
and dreams are just a memory
There were regrets that one might live with. Missed chances that they'll ponder about, forgotten conversations they might wish had gone different, doors closed before they were prepared to walk through them. It was a part of life, accepting those chances and not leaning to heavily on the 'what ifs' of if it had been different. But Bel's regret ran deeper in the image of her sister who hadn't even had a chance to experience those doors before her perceived (by Bel) death. Bel's biggest regret wasn't a regret for herself, but for her sister and a life she was convinced had been taken so soon. And so, even with Sol's desperation to rid her of that pain, of his determination to see that it wasn't really her fault, she was a victim just as her sister had been, she still carried that guilt heavy across her shoulders, a thousand pounds of imaginary regret that was her burden to bare. He spoke, and despite her down-casted face, the large set of eyes focused on the ground, her hooves, anything else, the smaller set of secondary eyes did turn towards him. It wasn't that she didn't trust him, she knew he understood the guilt that one could carry. She knew he was right about learning to forgive yourself . . . but there was a difference between the guilt of he carried, of an innocent hurt, and the guilt she carried, of her baby sister, the one she aught to have protected murdered by her inaction. That wasn't something you can just learn to forgive yourself for. Bel carried the guilt and weight of her actions, and the self-branded belief that she was a murderer, "I suppose you're . . . just stronger than I am, Sol. I can't just forgive myself yet . . . Whether you see me as a murderer or not, I assisted in her death - I played just as big of a role as Shard had by his decisions . . . I may not have cast the vote, but I practically invited the shark to the feast by not defending her. If I were to ignore it, to accept it and not let it weight down on me - what would that make me, to be okay with the murder of my sister by my inaction." She owed Pol more than that.
There was a vast difference in the lives they had lived - she and Sol, and where as her father's behavior made since to Bel, to Sol it did not. He spoke of her father needing to put the grief aside to do what was best for his family - but Bel could understand why he hadn't be able to. The love between two treaders was so much more than just mates. It was like never seeing color in your life, and suddenly as something powerful developed between the two individuals it was like your world was flooded with neon lights and vibrant hues you had only heard stories about. It was like the blind seeing for the first time, the deaf hearing for the first time. It wasn't just a mate, it was a soulmate, the other half that completed you and made you whole . . . and when her father had lost her mother, he had lost more than his mate. He had lost the colors in the world, he'd lost the brightness and warmth the sun brought to the day. He had lost his better half, his heart and his soul, and in it's place a husk had been left, broken and beaten by the missing piece that no longer walked at his side. "My people . . . . we do not survive the loss of our mates well. The fact father held on at all was amazing in itself. Mates rarely outlive one another. When one is gone . . . the other loses their will to do anything, family aside. The love that treaders share is a powerful, and wonderful thing, but when they lose that other half, they lose all the good things about the world. Father tried, please don't think ill of him for his suffering. He held on, when many in his place would have gone to the sharks to joint their other half in the beyond." Her father had tried . . . Bel was relieved when Sol did push those thoughts aside, declaring him there to support her, and she nodded gently, "Thank you, I'm glad to have a friend like you." She stated with a faint smile.
At the topic of moving on, away from the candles and back to the party, she smiled faintly when he agreed and the two started to walk off, before a voice of a past had screamed her name and stopped Bel in her path.
"Speech"
Thoughts
@Sol Bestiam
Notes:: Shall we call this one done and continue it in the one with Pol and her xP
There was a vast difference in the lives they had lived - she and Sol, and where as her father's behavior made since to Bel, to Sol it did not. He spoke of her father needing to put the grief aside to do what was best for his family - but Bel could understand why he hadn't be able to. The love between two treaders was so much more than just mates. It was like never seeing color in your life, and suddenly as something powerful developed between the two individuals it was like your world was flooded with neon lights and vibrant hues you had only heard stories about. It was like the blind seeing for the first time, the deaf hearing for the first time. It wasn't just a mate, it was a soulmate, the other half that completed you and made you whole . . . and when her father had lost her mother, he had lost more than his mate. He had lost the colors in the world, he'd lost the brightness and warmth the sun brought to the day. He had lost his better half, his heart and his soul, and in it's place a husk had been left, broken and beaten by the missing piece that no longer walked at his side. "My people . . . . we do not survive the loss of our mates well. The fact father held on at all was amazing in itself. Mates rarely outlive one another. When one is gone . . . the other loses their will to do anything, family aside. The love that treaders share is a powerful, and wonderful thing, but when they lose that other half, they lose all the good things about the world. Father tried, please don't think ill of him for his suffering. He held on, when many in his place would have gone to the sharks to joint their other half in the beyond." Her father had tried . . . Bel was relieved when Sol did push those thoughts aside, declaring him there to support her, and she nodded gently, "Thank you, I'm glad to have a friend like you." She stated with a faint smile.
At the topic of moving on, away from the candles and back to the party, she smiled faintly when he agreed and the two started to walk off, before a voice of a past had screamed her name and stopped Bel in her path.
"Speech"
Thoughts
@Sol Bestiam
Notes:: Shall we call this one done and continue it in the one with Pol and her xP
![[Image: i-jTNwWx8.png]](https://photos.smugmug.com/BelowZeroNovus/n-X9d9fZ/i-jTNwWx8/1/e09fb6c3/O/i-jTNwWx8.png)
