Katniss wants to start a war. She wants to kill whoever took away her Metaphor. She wants to burn all of Novus to the ground. And yet, she stays here. She has a duty to her son and to her court. She doesn’t have the luxury to simply gallivant around Novus on some wild goose chase that she might not ever see the end of. She has responsibilities and so, she stays. She stays because she cannot leave her son without a mother or Denocte without their champion. Perhaps it is what keeps her waking each morning, keeps her from succumbing to the darkness. Whatever the reason, she finds that each new day is not easier. It’s only more painful. The more pain she feels, the more she can feel her heart begin to harden into stone.
She looks at Isra after she has stood, her yes void of anything but pain, rage, and exhaustion. Katniss has not slept in months - not truly. Sure, her eyes would close and she would dream, but those dreams would be nightmares giving her a restless, fitful sleep. She is cold and alone and there is nothing that seems to make the nightmares go away. She’s tried magic, she’s tried prayers, she’s even tried a witches brew. But nothing seems to calm her mind enough to allow sleep to overtake her. Nothing seems to help and Katniss and tired of trying. She’s tired of it all. She just wants it all to stop.
She can hear the closeness of Finnick, the way his breathing seems to calm the raging storm within her. HE has been the only one who has any sort of power over her for he has been there since the beginning. He watched her create her son. He watched the bombs explode and cut through Metaphor like shards of broken glass through cloth. He watched her drag his body home and he watched Katniss suffer every day since. There is nothing he can say to make her feel better, only the closeness is all that seems to make any sort of difference.
As Isra begins to speak, Katniss narrows her eyes. Leave? How could her queen even think of leaving? There is anger there, an immediate blame for even thinking of abandoning her people. She doesn’t know the reason, she supposes she might not ever truly know. But her morals and those of Isra have always been different. At first she says nothing, she only lets her eyes speak for her. The way they blame her for leaving.
It is a long time before Katniss allows her words to speak what her mind wants to scream. “Why?” She has so many questions, so many things she wants to ask but simply cannot. “Will you return?” She hopes so. She needs the one and only true friend to be by her side. Even though she has been less than friendly since Metaphor’s passing, Isra is really the only one besides Finnick who knows her, knows the thoughts she has and the words she cannot speak. She is the only one besides Finnick who knows her deepest desires and her darkest thoughts. She doesn’t like the way it feels knowing that Isra is leaving.
There is a part of her that has a feeling Isra won’t be coming back. She cannot place that feeling and she has no idea where it has come from. But she supposes everyone leaves. She has heard of many kings and queens leaving, some having yet to return. It makes an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. “Will you take Eik, your children?” Would she had to fight for Isra’s family? Would she have to fight to save Isra’s loved ones when she could not even save her own. How could her queen ask this of her? Perhaps she is jumping to too many conclusions. Perhaps she should just stand here and wait for her answer. But nothing can soothe that feeling that settles deep within the pit of her stomach.
@Isra
