She hates Isra for leaving. She hates knowing that she is leaving behind a court who loves and needs her. She’s leaving behind a family who needs their mother and a man who needs his lover. She is turning away from all the things that Katniss wishes she still had. She wishes she had a lover to hold onto, a family to hug her tightly. She has none of those things and it makes her angry to know that Isra has them and is simply throwing them all away.
And yet…she understands Isra in a way that only a warrior can. She understands what it means to be able to free the enslaved and bring hope to others. She understands more than anyone what it means to be a breaker of chains. She knows and understands this, but it doesn’t make it any easier. She says nothing though, but her silence and the softness in her features should tell Isra that she understands.
Katniss is silent as Isra steps forward. She is silent as she promises that she will return. Her brain tells her that she needs to believe her queen, but her heart tells her that it’s all lies, that she will not return. Once again Katniss is being left alone and all she has will be Kibou. Will he be enough for her? Or will he slowly watch his mother give into the darkness that she has been fighting for so long?
And then she continues, telling her that she is leaving with Eik and Avesta. She is splitting up sisters and for a moment, Katniss wonders why she would allow one daughter to go into battle, another to be left here so very much alone. She doesn’t understand what her queen is doing, but she says nothing.
The silence between them grows thicker and Katniss takes a step back. At one time she wanted to throw herself into Isra’s embrace, to show her that she is the friend Katniss has always wanted. But now she is leaving and there is nothing but sadness deep within her soul.
As she takes a step back, she’s putting distance between them. And then slowly, Katniss begins to turn away. Only just before she turns away from her completely, she pauses as she speaks. “Then I will look after her as a mother, as a friend, and as a soldier.” She will look after Denocte too, but she doesn’t say as much. Isra knows that Katniss would die for her court and it wasn’t something that needed repeating. While Katniss would not give Isra her blessing, she would allow her to part knowing that at least her daughter would be looked after.
And then she is walking away from Isra, walking towards the lake. Her feet enter the cold waters and she can feel the way her muscles tense at the sudden onslaught of cold. Within moments, her body slips beneath the surface, her magic producing gills so she might breathe beneath the surface. She stays here until Isra is gone. She stays here until her eyes are dry of tears. At least here beneath the surface of the water, no one knows she is crying.
@Isra – a closer
