The bonfire was easily twice my height. I don’t think I had ever seen a fire so large, or so many of them. They were strung out along the coast like beads on a necklace. They were so captivating, although I find myself at a lack of words to describe how or why. Earlier that night I swam out in the dark water to view the spectacle from the sea. I tried to imagine what a kelpie would think, to see the blazes for the first time. I secretly hoped I might find one, drawn to the light on the cliffs, but as far as I could tell I was alone in the water.
I was drying out and warming up by one of the fires when a boy stumbled up to the warm glow. I could immediately tell he was very drunk. The smell of wine hung in a cloud around him. On closer inspection his lips and legs were stained with the drink, a deep purple-red that reminded me of violent sunsets at their very last moments.
I myself had sipped some wine earlier in the day. I had been curious, and there was no one to stop me. It made me feel dizzy and at the time I had not desired more. But one stolen glance at the boy’s smiling wine-dark lips and I wanted what he had. I wanted his buoyancy, his confidence, his sea-swept ease of being. I wanted to believe it was the wine which gave him these things, and so it could give them to me, too.
I only wanted to be someone other than myself when I was around other people. I think that’s why I was most comfortable alone.
I felt nervous talking to anyone that wasn’t old... but I stubbornly fought such nonsensical emotions. To do anything else would be too much like validation. I cleared my throat, telling myself it was smoke that made it suddenly hard to speak. “Did you know you’re supposed to write down your worries and throw them into the fire?” I had to raise my voice to catch his attention over the crackle of the fire. “I think it’s supposed to... make you feel better. Lighter.” He didn't seem to need any help with that though. I angled my head and returned my gaze to the fire as though consulting its opinion on the matter.
Personally, I found the activity a little childish-- I was only there for the warmth.
Short as a day;
Full of strife,
Work, thought, and play
@Caspian
