The way every once in a while,
it catches the light and starts smoking.
Orestes said, glorious as the sun, “Strength can be its own kind of weakness.”
The thought made my head hurt, and then my heart. It was too much like something my father would say. There’s too much truth to it, and too much paradox, and it made me feel for a moment like we’re all caught in a strange dance, a loop-- doing the same things over and over again. Being the same people, over and over again. All the suffering we feel, all the hurt we do, cogs on a wheel we keep turning because we’ve forgotten what it feels like to do anything else.
I wanted to say “no, strength is just strength,” but it felt too much like denial. So instead I grew somber, chewing the inside of my lip like I might find better words hidden within my own flesh.
I didn’t, of course.
But Orestes invited me to Solterra and I brightened like the sun. “I would love that. I’ll bring my sister.” It was a promise, and although it might not mean anything to him it meant the world to me.
(Asterion said "oh" somewhere around then, or maybe sooner, and I would think of that sound later that night before I fell asleep. What did it mean? Did he, perhaps, realize our relation? I wish I hadn't been too cowardly to tell him the truth: "My parents are Eik and Isra. They told me stories about you. They knew you were coming back someday, somehow-- they never stopped believing in you.")
Then something strange suddenly caught my attention, and I do not say this lightly-- it took a lot to distract me from those two precious men. I felt buoyant to stand there between them like an equal, and the memory of that conversation would fill me with light for a long time to come. But you see, from the corner of my eye I saw Antiope pass beneath the colored light of the eventide arch. She was leaving, in the middle of the celebration for the great arch. I felt myself frowning, then quickly returned my attention to the two stallions and smiled blithely as though there was nothing afoot.
And, really, there wasn’t. But the nighttime and the colored glass and the smoke in the air all heightened my senses. I was convinced there was some great mystery to be unravelled, and I would be the one to unravel it. I was still young enough to believe in things with enough conviction to almost make them come true.
What good fate for me, that the conversation was about to wrap itself up! Although I quite liked my godfather up until that moment, it was only when he made the move to leave that I felt I could love him. I never knew how to end a conversation, how to leave when I so dearly wanted to. He saved me from that, and even though it had nothing to do with me I still felt like I was in his debt.
“Oh I'm sorry, there’s something I need to do. Goodbye uncle Asterion, it was so nice to meet you!” The title just slipped out-- I wouldn’t realize it until after. For all I knew, it would be the first and last time I’d ever see him, so I stepped forward and pressed my lips to his temple in a kiss; that way I could at least tell Avesta what he smelled like. Eik’s stories always lacked the important details like that. “I’m so, so happy you found your father,” I added, almost breathlessly. I was very suddenly close to tears with how far away mine felt-- I quickly turned to Orestes before emotion could overcome me.
“Bye Orestes.” I smiled shyly at the sun king. I was far more certain I would see him again some day, so I did not give him a kiss. To Ariel I dipped my head in farewell. Then I turned and slipped into the shadows of the tree line, intent as a hound as I followed my sovereign into the night.
The way it will cleave and grow
like antlers.
A S P A R A
@Asterion @Orestes the longest farewell <3 I loved this thread so much, thank you both! Aspara is going to sneakily(?) follow Antiope in this thread... although I imagine she will be found out and confronted somewhere on the way to Veneror
