and bury it before it buries me
It had started sweet—it had started innocent.
He had been bonfires burning on a summer’s night, the edges of him bright, casting dancing shadows in the light of it.
He had simply been there, and it had been easy to trick herself into thinking that the stirring in her belly was nothing. It was easy to trick herself into thinking that this was different—that she was different.
But sweetness has an edge.
He turns away from her. Her heart swells painfully in her breast, emotions far too fresh for the years that have past sweeping through her—leaving her with an aching nostalgia, a bitter anguish, and an entirely new yearning that curls in her belly. She is raw in her pain and yet endlessly hopeful, and although she knows better than to give herself over to this fresh hurt, she has no way to guard herself from it.
She cannot tell him that her heart is a malleable thing. She cannot tell him that what may be hunger and fervor for him, could forever change her. She cannot tell him that another sits waiting for her, that she cuts into his heart just as he cuts into hers. She cannot tell him.
So she doesn’t.
She keeps such secrets tucked away and instead closes her blue eyes on a sigh.
Her heart clutches. She could shatter at any moment. All those fractured, broken pieces she holds together coming undone at the seams, falling away to leave something jagged and unfamiliar behind. “Tenebrae,” she can’t help but to say his name again like it will take away her thoughts of what may have happened.
“Tenebrae,” she breathes his name against him as their foreheads touch, a name she had wanted for so long to grace her lips, and the first time she had spoken it had been with such spite, when she knows all along it was supposed to be spoken with the tenderness that is so wholly Elena. Not that it sits poised in such sentimentality, the golden sunshine girl cannot stop herself from repeating it over and over. She doesn’t realize there’s a smile on her lips now, soft and gentle and reaching for her eyes. Doesn’t realize until it’s blossomed into something visible for just a heartbeat, until she pushes it away. Her body trembles without her permission, a hundred invisible ripples as though he has tossed a stone into the ocean of her dark and bottomless blue.
Each time her lips press against him (how he tastes like salt water, like shadows, like embers, and desire) she feels her chest burn with desire, his desire. It seems selfish somehow, selfish to sit in his embrace and pretend that she is okay with this, even if it is for a few heartbeats under the cover of night. It is more selfish still as she steals that kiss from him. More than just sin passes from their lips. His desire becomes hers (it is electric down her spine for the new empath). His emotions hit her like beads of water and Elena is reminded all at once what it is like to be alive. She wants more from him, to know every emotion he harbors in his heart and just what each of them taste like on his lips, and how each of them either settle with weight in her heart, or fly wildly in her chest.
And then her lips are gone from his, with he abruptness of the sun falling behind a passing raincloud. She could smile at him, right now, but it surely make her teeth ache. Her breath shudders, trembles, and her heart feels too tight in her chest, her bones too tight beneath her skin. There are no tears on her face though, no sobs catching like burrs in her throat. Instead, she is quiet beside him, fighting the way her bruised blue eyes always seem to drift back to that face. Her chest is in turmoil, humming and thrumming and aching for a closeness that seems only just barely out of reach. She know it is possible, it is shown in the way her lips still feel the shadow of his, however phantom they may be. She cannot help but glance up at him with soft, wounded blue eyes because he must know, he must know how easily he is unraveling that treacherous heart in her golden breast. And then his guilt hits her, it slides like sludge down her throat. She swallows it and lets it sit heavy in her belly. Somehow, this feels more real than all the rest.
Do you love me, Elena?
A pause and she looks away, flinching at the knot that ties and unties itself in the pit of her stomach.
Her eyes drift back to him again, they are not the cold blue of winter, but that first blue sky at the beginning of spring, quiet even as they explore the lines and angles of his face. Then, softly, and against the muted mumbling of her instincts, “You know the answer,” she says. “But I’m not ready to hear it right now.” She is a coward, terrified of her own emotions even when she is lost in the sea of others.
Falling into the sea wasn't drowning.
This is.
His kiss fills her like water in her lungs. It is no longer his desire she feels, but her own. It burns underneath her and fire glazes her tongue as she strikes a match. “You’ve taken enough from me, Tenebrae, let me keep my answer a while longer,” she says as she rests against him with the effort of holding back everything she wanted to give him. “Please, Denocte.”
He had been bonfires burning on a summer’s night, the edges of him bright, casting dancing shadows in the light of it.
He had simply been there, and it had been easy to trick herself into thinking that the stirring in her belly was nothing. It was easy to trick herself into thinking that this was different—that she was different.
But sweetness has an edge.
He turns away from her. Her heart swells painfully in her breast, emotions far too fresh for the years that have past sweeping through her—leaving her with an aching nostalgia, a bitter anguish, and an entirely new yearning that curls in her belly. She is raw in her pain and yet endlessly hopeful, and although she knows better than to give herself over to this fresh hurt, she has no way to guard herself from it.
She cannot tell him that her heart is a malleable thing. She cannot tell him that what may be hunger and fervor for him, could forever change her. She cannot tell him that another sits waiting for her, that she cuts into his heart just as he cuts into hers. She cannot tell him.
So she doesn’t.
She keeps such secrets tucked away and instead closes her blue eyes on a sigh.
Her heart clutches. She could shatter at any moment. All those fractured, broken pieces she holds together coming undone at the seams, falling away to leave something jagged and unfamiliar behind. “Tenebrae,” she can’t help but to say his name again like it will take away her thoughts of what may have happened.
“Tenebrae,” she breathes his name against him as their foreheads touch, a name she had wanted for so long to grace her lips, and the first time she had spoken it had been with such spite, when she knows all along it was supposed to be spoken with the tenderness that is so wholly Elena. Not that it sits poised in such sentimentality, the golden sunshine girl cannot stop herself from repeating it over and over. She doesn’t realize there’s a smile on her lips now, soft and gentle and reaching for her eyes. Doesn’t realize until it’s blossomed into something visible for just a heartbeat, until she pushes it away. Her body trembles without her permission, a hundred invisible ripples as though he has tossed a stone into the ocean of her dark and bottomless blue.
Each time her lips press against him (how he tastes like salt water, like shadows, like embers, and desire) she feels her chest burn with desire, his desire. It seems selfish somehow, selfish to sit in his embrace and pretend that she is okay with this, even if it is for a few heartbeats under the cover of night. It is more selfish still as she steals that kiss from him. More than just sin passes from their lips. His desire becomes hers (it is electric down her spine for the new empath). His emotions hit her like beads of water and Elena is reminded all at once what it is like to be alive. She wants more from him, to know every emotion he harbors in his heart and just what each of them taste like on his lips, and how each of them either settle with weight in her heart, or fly wildly in her chest.
And then her lips are gone from his, with he abruptness of the sun falling behind a passing raincloud. She could smile at him, right now, but it surely make her teeth ache. Her breath shudders, trembles, and her heart feels too tight in her chest, her bones too tight beneath her skin. There are no tears on her face though, no sobs catching like burrs in her throat. Instead, she is quiet beside him, fighting the way her bruised blue eyes always seem to drift back to that face. Her chest is in turmoil, humming and thrumming and aching for a closeness that seems only just barely out of reach. She know it is possible, it is shown in the way her lips still feel the shadow of his, however phantom they may be. She cannot help but glance up at him with soft, wounded blue eyes because he must know, he must know how easily he is unraveling that treacherous heart in her golden breast. And then his guilt hits her, it slides like sludge down her throat. She swallows it and lets it sit heavy in her belly. Somehow, this feels more real than all the rest.
Do you love me, Elena?
A pause and she looks away, flinching at the knot that ties and unties itself in the pit of her stomach.
Her eyes drift back to him again, they are not the cold blue of winter, but that first blue sky at the beginning of spring, quiet even as they explore the lines and angles of his face. Then, softly, and against the muted mumbling of her instincts, “You know the answer,” she says. “But I’m not ready to hear it right now.” She is a coward, terrified of her own emotions even when she is lost in the sea of others.
Falling into the sea wasn't drowning.
This is.
His kiss fills her like water in her lungs. It is no longer his desire she feels, but her own. It burns underneath her and fire glazes her tongue as she strikes a match. “You’ve taken enough from me, Tenebrae, let me keep my answer a while longer,” she says as she rests against him with the effort of holding back everything she wanted to give him. “Please, Denocte.”
so take away this apathy
bury it before it buries me
@Tenebrae <3
![[Image: ddvotwe-59302ba6-6a81-47bf-9846-30c5a5db...0iFb4PvyXE]](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/8026a53b-dc57-41ab-b574-9f8a8fe57ce4/ddvotwe-59302ba6-6a81-47bf-9846-30c5a5db0780.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzgwMjZhNTNiLWRjNTctNDFhYi1iNTc0LTlmOGE4ZmU1N2NlNFwvZGR2b3R3ZS01OTMwMmJhNi02YTgxLTQ3YmYtOTg0Ni0zMGM1YTVkYjA3ODAucG5nIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmZpbGUuZG93bmxvYWQiXX0.ujCJH7FAbsQhfZlQniMmEd_vw-VmvaTDn0iFb4PvyXE)
let's light this house on fire
we'll dance in the warmth of its blaze
pixel made by the amazing star
