and bury it before it buries me
Old wounds break open. All of the different ways that he could destroy her. All of the ways she could break along his fault lines.
All of the ways that she would let him.
That battered piece of hope glows warm in her golden chest, small but threatening to grow if given time. She doesn’t let him see that, keeping her face as mask like as possible but unable to fight off the shadows. Unable to keep the ghosts from her eyes. She can still feel the heat on her lips, the taste of him, she feels phantom lips pressed to her own in remembrance. Her lungs burn, her face burns, her skin burns and she finds she has to turn away from him, just for a moment, until her heart stops its treacherous struggling and she can remember how to breathe again. Those blue eyes that turn back to look at him are so ghostly pale, they are neither winter ice nor summer sky.
“Thank you,” she finally says because she cannot say what else lingers in her heart—not yet. She cannot allow herself to feel it, to admit to it, to cave to its strength like an oak tree before the storm.
All the words he speaks are like bombs, detonating in her mind, until all of their air is sucked out of her lungs and her head is light. Because it was what she had been wanting to hear. And yet. It wasn’t enough. She wasn’t enough.
Heartbeat.
Breath.
Heartbeat.
“I wish I was enough,” she finally whispers, the words broken on an equally shattered tongue, her blue eyes closing against the weight of everything. She could die here, she thinks. She could just sink into the earth until it swallowed her whole, until she was nothing but a seed and she was growing, growing into something new, something more beautiful, something eternal. She could die happy with his mouth on her and his scent in her and his words ringing in her ears. If only. If only it was that simple—that easy.
If there wasn't another, that settles in the sea of his heart. If he wasn't meant to follow so devout to his faith. If when he left she wasn't entirely sure if she would ever see him again. (Find me again, she wants to scream. Fight for me. But she buries the words in her selfish heart.) She had asked him to leave, to not return to Terrastella, and here she is cradled in his arms, those words hidden beneath her tongue as if she had never spoken them.
Her mouth find his cheek. She leaves one final kiss there. Her lips quirk just a little in the corner and a frown chases her eyes.
This was enough, she thinks.
It has to be.
Even if she was not.
“Until the morning.” A promise. For several long moments she watches the stars. They appear to bob and float across the ocean, as if skimming the water like lost fireflies. Then, looking back at him with the hint of a smile etched carefully into the shy of her mouth, she thinks about all the ways he could utterly ruin her.
And oh—how beautiful such a tragedy would be.
All of the ways that she would let him.
That battered piece of hope glows warm in her golden chest, small but threatening to grow if given time. She doesn’t let him see that, keeping her face as mask like as possible but unable to fight off the shadows. Unable to keep the ghosts from her eyes. She can still feel the heat on her lips, the taste of him, she feels phantom lips pressed to her own in remembrance. Her lungs burn, her face burns, her skin burns and she finds she has to turn away from him, just for a moment, until her heart stops its treacherous struggling and she can remember how to breathe again. Those blue eyes that turn back to look at him are so ghostly pale, they are neither winter ice nor summer sky.
“Thank you,” she finally says because she cannot say what else lingers in her heart—not yet. She cannot allow herself to feel it, to admit to it, to cave to its strength like an oak tree before the storm.
All the words he speaks are like bombs, detonating in her mind, until all of their air is sucked out of her lungs and her head is light. Because it was what she had been wanting to hear. And yet. It wasn’t enough. She wasn’t enough.
Heartbeat.
Breath.
Heartbeat.
“I wish I was enough,” she finally whispers, the words broken on an equally shattered tongue, her blue eyes closing against the weight of everything. She could die here, she thinks. She could just sink into the earth until it swallowed her whole, until she was nothing but a seed and she was growing, growing into something new, something more beautiful, something eternal. She could die happy with his mouth on her and his scent in her and his words ringing in her ears. If only. If only it was that simple—that easy.
If there wasn't another, that settles in the sea of his heart. If he wasn't meant to follow so devout to his faith. If when he left she wasn't entirely sure if she would ever see him again. (Find me again, she wants to scream. Fight for me. But she buries the words in her selfish heart.) She had asked him to leave, to not return to Terrastella, and here she is cradled in his arms, those words hidden beneath her tongue as if she had never spoken them.
Her mouth find his cheek. She leaves one final kiss there. Her lips quirk just a little in the corner and a frown chases her eyes.
This was enough, she thinks.
It has to be.
Even if she was not.
“Until the morning.” A promise. For several long moments she watches the stars. They appear to bob and float across the ocean, as if skimming the water like lost fireflies. Then, looking back at him with the hint of a smile etched carefully into the shy of her mouth, she thinks about all the ways he could utterly ruin her.
And oh—how beautiful such a tragedy would be.
so take away this apathy
bury it before it buries me
@Tenebrae
![[Image: ddvotwe-59302ba6-6a81-47bf-9846-30c5a5db...0iFb4PvyXE]](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/8026a53b-dc57-41ab-b574-9f8a8fe57ce4/ddvotwe-59302ba6-6a81-47bf-9846-30c5a5db0780.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzgwMjZhNTNiLWRjNTctNDFhYi1iNTc0LTlmOGE4ZmU1N2NlNFwvZGR2b3R3ZS01OTMwMmJhNi02YTgxLTQ3YmYtOTg0Ni0zMGM1YTVkYjA3ODAucG5nIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmZpbGUuZG93bmxvYWQiXX0.ujCJH7FAbsQhfZlQniMmEd_vw-VmvaTDn0iFb4PvyXE)
let's light this house on fire
we'll dance in the warmth of its blaze
pixel made by the amazing star
