[P] soldier, poet, king | autumn fest

[Amunemhet]

what a wicked thing to do

to make me dream of you

H

e turns toward me, speaking my blessing back in my direction. I am not sure if it pleases me, or not. It should, but I know he does not understand the weight of it. He does not understand the truth of it. I’m certain he has not read the Good Book that I have, that has given me new insight into Solis’ word and guidance. It’s okay, I remind myself. I am fortunate to be blessed. I must look kindly on all others, regardless of whether they are or not.

The Ieshans, at least, are known for their piety. It is a quality I respect them for, and one I can forgive when Adonai speaks those hallowed words back at me.

Adonai turns toward me—slowly, that I am almost convinced I’m imagining the speed of it because of the way the candlelight frames his waxen skin, warms his almost-silver eyes. Solis’ mercy, I think, feeling my heart race a little at the sight of him. We are not children any longer, and he is laden with jewels that would make my mother’s eyes gleam sharply. The way he says my name is a sin to my ears.

I should not be standing here.

I press a hand against the turquoise at my throat, glancing skyward, though I know I will find no sun there to comfort me. Curse this nighttime festival, and it’s waning moon. “It has been a long time, Ieshan,” I repay the smile with one of my own.

This is a game that I can play well, I have been doing it for my entire life. It takes everything in me not to glance back over my shoulder just to see. I only want to know, has he noticed me? Is he still there? It bothers me that I care so much, even now. I remind myself not to fiddle with my stones. It is not becoming of a noble to fidget, mother would say.

“You are the last face I expected to see out here tonight,” I assert, locking dark gold eyes back upon Adonai’s fine-boned features, “Do you enjoy being elusive, then?” The eldest Ieshan son is, in fact, the only one I can’t recall seeing out, about the court. Of course, is that really different from our lives as children?

I know well what it’s like, to be chained into your studies, to be expected certain things of you. I try not to think about the burnished, gold man who might still be behind me. And I do not pretend to know what has happened in Adonai’s life, while he’s been kept away (keeping himself away?). Sometimes I would like to be away, but my duties are to the family business, and the family business is in the heart of Solterra.

"Speaking."

@Adonai c;

☥