i'm up against these things i can't see ;
they don't compare ; make me believe, make me believe
I
am caught up in watching Tenebrae's shadow tendrils that I almost don't see the bird fly in front of us. It seems to catch us both off guard and we both flinch. Bram is watching it intently next to us, probably trying to decide if he wants to make it his next meal. It's small with a beak nearly as big as its body. I've never seen one so brightly blue before.When Ten asks me if I could see the bird and what it is, I frown again. I so wish he wasn't blind. There's so much he's missing now and I wish I could do something about it. If I had any power at all, I would give him his sight back. For now, I guess I'll try to use my words.
"Yeah! It flew right in front of us. It was a little guy, bright blue and orange. I don't know what it was though. It had a long beak?" I watch as it flies off into the distance. "I think it's heading for the water." I don't know this area very well, but I know that there's either a river or a sea shore close by. It's very faintly in the smell of the air, just hard to figure out with the strong smell of all the flowers.
There is a silence then after I've asked my question. I guess it's a lot to be asking him and I feel bad. If I could, I'd take the question back and maybe ask Aspara instead or just figure it out on my own. Maybe I've been leaning too much on others lately.
When he does finally answer, he mentions his magic was a gift from Caligo. It makes me wonder then if what happened back on the island had been a gift from her too. Had she seen I was in trouble and sent me that power so I could get away? It hadn't been just a one time thing, unfortunately. The embers have shown up a couple times since that so it seems it's something permanent I'm going to have to figure out.
Of course, I wasn't being very subtle because Tenebrae put the pieces together of what I was getting at. I sigh.
"Y-yeah…" I stammer and close my eyes. Bram leans into me then as he's been doing a lot lately and I'm grateful for it. Thinking back to those embers and the flame that came from nothing and the heat of it just gets to be too much. I don't want that to be me. I never wanted it to.
"It's fire. I guess I'm a phoenix after all…" I admit, wondering how Leo would feel about this. I didn't tell him the last time we were together. I couldn't bring myself to say it. "I don't want to be."
But there is still that part of me that wonders if Caligo is playing a part in this. I know Momma's not so sure about her and doesn't really talk about her much to me. What I've learned has just been from legends, but nothing about present day. Tenebrae would know.
"Did Caligo do this then?" I ask then, part of me hoping he says no. Because if a deity I'm supposed to love and look up to cursed me like this, I don't know what to think.
@Tenebrae <3
