It's instantaneous, her change in demeaner. Rhone can see that the fire was causing her great anxiety. There was a part of him that was happy she spoke up for her discomfort, letting him know that it bothered her. Rhone had always been the sort that preferred to make people happy and feel at home. Making someone uncomfortable or scared went against everything he stood for. Rhone was a peacekeeper, a welcomer, a comforter. Rhone had done so much harm in his life that he had vowed to never harm again. He was doing fairly well at keeping that vow, his only slip ups were the ones that he did unintentionally…like this fire.
He watched her relax and he nodded his head softly when she thanked him, telling him that she wasn’t a far of fire. "I gathered that fire was a fear. I’m sorry to have caused you undue stress." But at least now the fire was out and she appeared far more comfortable. It was a little awkward to be gathered around an unlight fire, but Rhone took it in stride. At least now that was behind them and they could hash out other conversations that frankly, made Rhone far more uncomfortable than his feelings of failure for making her scared.
Romance had been something that Rhone had sworn off years ago. He had not been a great lover or a great father, so when he had come to Novus, he had essentially told himself he would be a monk. He would dedicate what remained of his life to bettering himself, righting his wrongs, and serving Terrastella with every cell in his body. The last thing he expected was for someone to fall for him. So naturally, when she began to speak, telling him that he hadn’t offended her, he heaved a sigh of relief. However, that relief was short lived.
Did she need to spell things out for him? Perhaps so. He wasn’t sure where the conversation was going. There were so many possibilities and yet, none of them led him in the direction of romance. And yet, he listened quietly to her story of those she had loved. A stallion who took fire to her home (he supposed that was probably where her fear of fire came from) and a mare who had saved her life from yet another raging inferno. But things didn’t stop there. She spoke of leaving with her son because of some inner turmoil that he supposed he had no right to be privy to. But then she was telling him that she wanted to love again…and that she thought she was starting to love him.
Rhone was quiet, her words being processed and sorted in his mind. He had told himself that he would not love again, that he would not put another through the torment he had unknowingly put Arianah and Dierdre through. But here he was, sitting in the quiet and stillness of the night, listening to a mare who wanted to love him and wanted him to love her in return. For once, the Champion of Wisdom didn’t have the words to say what was on his heart. He did not want to put her down and yet, he wasn’t sure he could give her what she wanted, what she needed. "Luvena…" His words were softly spoken, just barely over a whisper. He did not like hurting people. He could already feel the pain he would undoubtedly cause her. "You deserve to love again…but I…" He paused, unsure of what to say. "…you deserve someone far better than me." She deserved to love someone that could give her their entire soul. Rhone was damaged and broken. Rhone could not hurt her by leading her on.
And yet, as he stood here in the quiet, he felt like he owed her more of an explanation. She deserved to know why. "I too have had two great loves. Ariannah and I went through more hardships than anyone should. I left a kingdom for her. But life isn’t kind. It’s cruel and hard. We welcomed five children into the world and I buried one. In the end, I chose my kingdom over my family and it tore us apart. And Dierdre? My queen. We came together in a time of duty. We had a daughter together…but life didn’t ask me what I wanted. Life pulled me away from them too." He sighed. Not many knew that he was once a king. So few knew much about his past at all. There was a reason Rhone did not share much about his past. "I ruined the lives of eight and of my entire kingdom. I am forever in their debt and I will continue to pay for my transgressions until the moment I take my last breath." He sighs. This was not the way he had wanted this conversation to go. "You deserve someone who can give you his, or her, whole heart. I am damaged, Luvena…you do not want me." She couldn’t possibly want him. She could do so much better than him. Perhaps this was just a crush that would pass in time, or perhaps it was real and would never fade. He just hoped that no one else had to be hurt on account of him.
@Luvena
