Look Forward... Trust Yourself... Find Peace
Pol could see the unease when it was made clear that she didnt know any of their stories, the histories of the species. "Bella... It isnt your fault... not really. If anything I blame Ice Shard... He is the reason that I grew up on land rather than in the ocean with everyone else." She stated softly, unable to meet the eyes of her older sister.
Pol couldnt help the snort at the idea of scars. Moving her tail into view, she shook her head. "Some more physical than others..." She laughed dryly, glad that the temperature was working in her favor in terms of the lingering ache that was prone around said scars and trauma. "But really... I dont blame you. Not really... Not anymore. I think at first it was more pain and betrayal rather than blaming you. Even when I was alone on that ice... it wasnt you I blamed. It was Ice Shard and our father... You had no real choice. I understand that. I really do. We can only move forward. It doesnt help to continue to dwell on the chaos and trauma from our pasts." She said softly, nudging her sister's neck gently to try to help her feel better.
The squeaks in regards to the massive stallion nearly had Pol on the ground with laughter. "I cannot speak from sight now... It has been longer than I care to admit since that... meeting... I dont know that you encouraged it, just that he seemed to have a possessive edge to his protectiveness over you when we spoke. Perhaps it was something he needed to figure out himself. Or he was trying to see exactly where you two stood." She tried to help, to make her sister feel better. A part of her wanted to kick the stallion for being a blockhead. The idea of her mated to anyone, except the foggy idea of Ice Shard from when the pod thought that was the eventual mating... She couldnt picture any land loving horse winning Bel's heart.
The idea of the ocean, even with the company of Bella and her companion... It was terrifying. Enough so that it took everything that the younger mare had to not lock up and panic. "I dont think I am ready for it... Even the possibility of running into a shark is enough to trigger panic attacks. For now, I am perfectly content in the lakes where it is safer. I will keep your offer in mind though. Just dont expect it to be soon." She explained, carefully shutting down the flight response that was threatening to swamp her.
The words, the memories that she wished she had. All of the talk of her parents. It was all painful to hear. She hated that she didnt remember anything about them. Couldnt even remember her mother's pelt, the glow that Bel spoke of. She hadnt even made it half of a year with her pod, the shark attack happening when she was only 4 months old. Those days were murky, like trying to see through muddy water. From there, she was in shock until the day that she was left behind. The day that she was abandoned. Her most vivid memory was laying on that ice alone and shivering. The terror of being alone, the panic at the sight of circling dorsal fins. The moment when the nomads found her. But she couldnt even remember what her own mother looked like. "I have no experience with real love... just the minor crush that I had on Trey at one point. I couldnt imagine loving anyone that much. The idea of a father not caring about his pups..." She shook her head as she fumbled for words that would explain the pain and frustration that she was feeling.
"If Shard were to appear in Novus... What would you do? Everyone was so determined that you would end up mates... At least I think that is what I remember..." She spoke softly, her words almost musing as she offered the question to her sister. Pol wanted to know how Bella felt regarding him. If there were still feelings there. "Would you forgive him?" She asked, lavender eyes meeting the vivid blues of her elder sister.
"I would love to hear them... I feel like I dont know who I am really... " She answered her sister, smiling softly as she noticed the emotions welling in Bella's eyes. "Please dont feel bad. It wasnt your fault. We missed the chance when we were younger, but we still have each other and the chance to build up what we had lost." She said gently, pressing her muzzle to her sister's flesh to try to comfort her.
@Below Zero
Notes: <3
