[P] one more night in navy blue

[Elena]

Elena Daray

let us live like flowers
drenched in sunlight

E

lena is no stranger to grief, never will be. They are not friends, but rather it is the ever present shadow hanging over her life.

She can remember that day, she had hated him, hated how much he knew. Hated the fact that Marcelo had said it to her, that Marcelo had brought it forward with such determination in his voice. She hated that he had been right. Pretending wouldn't make the pain go away, because although she fought hard to keep it from being written across her face, it was still there, making her heart bleed and her insides crawl. “What if-“ she had began, but she had gotten no further, the words had caught in her throat, and she had suddenly been thirsty.

So thirsty.
What if I feel this way forever?
She had wanted to say.

She hadn't been able to bare the thought of it, having that constant pain in her chest and never quite feeling whole again. Time, many people say, time heals all manner of wounds. But, you cant fix a broken mirror, you can only replace the glass of where it used to be.

She wonders if she could continue. They love to tell her how you can find the greatest joys when you emerge from those dark hours, but such things seems trite. Because she knows the weight of pain and she knows that some of her darkest hours did not end with such joy.

Some hours were just dark.

Some things just hurt.

And it is hurt and worry now that she feels with him. She folds into him, as if she can caress the pain away. She presses into the caverns of his body and finds that they are familiar, they are home, and she exhales as if she has been holding her breath for months—and maybe she has. “Az,” she exhales slowly, purposefully, feeling the way that the earth feels so right when she is next to him like this, when his mouth is against her and she can feel his breath.She wishes it was easier to tell him about all of the different ways her life has built around itself around him, how she needs him. How she has become completely and totally reoriented by his presence in her life.

He holds her close and she thinks that she has never wanted more than this.

Could never want anything other than this.

Her own heart is a mangled, tortured thing - one she guards fiercely, terrified of the agony of heartbreak but all too aware of the pain of loss. With him, her resolve is weakened, and the hefty walls built to surround her aching heart fall away, leaving her bare and exposed in a way that she has never known before. Still, she conceals it. She hides her weakness away, knowing too well how she can destroy things that she holds most precious. He speaks then, and the edges of his voice are sharp and it tears at her skin. His words plunge knives into her chest. “I love you,” she says to him then.

Before it’s too late.

Because if she never had a chance to say it—

“I love you and I ask you, come to Terrastella, be with me, forever,” she says. “Think about it,” she tells him before her eyes turn skywards. “In the mean time, I don’t want to think. Count the stars until we fall asleep?”

code by rallidae
picture by cannon
@Azrael
Aaaaaand fin <3