He had started off the conversation terribly. The moment the words had left his lips, he knew. He knew that they were not the right way to end things, but he could not take them back. But then again, maybe they had not been as much of a failure as he had thought. Perhaps he had done something right, opening the door to a conversation that he needed to have with her, but one he was terrified to have.
She answers politely enough, telling him that yes, she had heard about Elena stepping down. In the same breath, she assumed that he had put in his name for her replacement. While she was right, perhaps she was wrong about how he had actually come to the decision. "Aye." He was quiet a moment, looking out over the lake in quiet contemplation. "Ever since I came to Novus, I pledged myself to Terrastella, to Asterion. I have offered my advice and encouragement to all the kings and queens of Dusk because I was once a king.". His eyes looked to her and he waited, unsure if the news would shock her at all. The small tidbit of information had been something he didn’t tell many others, only those that needed to know it. Asterion new. Marisol had known. But not many others did. It was a piece of information he kept hidden because he did not want to be bathed in an unnatural light nor held to a much higher standard.
He sighed. He knew he needed to explain things further, that he needed her to understand where he was coming from. It was going to be a hard conversation, but she deserved that much. "I told myself I would never rule a kingdom again because I had failed so miserably at it. You see, when I was much younger, I tried to live the life of a king and be a father and lover. In the end, I tried to choose both, dividing my time between my kingdom and my family." He sighed, thoughts of Ariana, Dierdre, and the children he shared between the two women. It made his heart ache and he had forgotten how much he cared for his family. "It bit me in the ass. I did a disservice against my family and my kingdom and in the end, I lost both." Watching his family walk away had been the hardest day of his life. To see them begging for all of his attention and knowing he couldn’t give it to them had been painful.
Head drooped lower, his nose barely off the sand. "I told myself that I could never put myself in that position again because I couldn’t make the same mistakes twice." Slowly, he rose his head and turned to look at her. She deserved his full attention, even if he knew it would not be easy. "I care for you, Luvena…and perhaps I do really love you…but…" His voice trailed off for a moment. "…but I pledged my loyalty to Dusk before I ever met you. Dusk calls for me now and I had to choose. It was not fair to you to try and chose both you and Dusk…" By now she would begin to put the pieces together, to realize that he was trying to end the relationship that they had started.
However, he was not done. She deserved so much more and he would do his best to ensure that she was treated right and fair. "You deserve the sun, the moon, and the stars. You deserve someone who can give you all of that. I can’t be that someone for you…but I hope and pray you find that person." He sighed. "It is not fair for you to only get a part of me." She deserved all of someone. She deserved someone who would bow at her feet and give her everything she ever desired. He wished he could be that person, but he knew he could not. "I still value our friendship, Luvena, and I hope that we can still remain as such." He knew her heart would be broken, that she would probably not want to see him again. And yet, just maybe she would still allow him to be a friend to her, something he still wanted.
@Luvena
