LUVENA
She ducked her head somewhat sheepishly, embarrassed that her friend knew her well enough for her statement. “I will likely take you up on that. Though I’m sure Isra will want me to stick around for it but… last time didn’t go well”
She slunk her head back just a touch, feeling like a child getting scolded - rightfully so. She grimaced as her friend raised her voice for just a moment, and pinned her ears flat back against her head, pain splitting through it. Luvena jumped slightly as Caelums head hit the table. She had dropped her own down into the pillows, listening to the fae, and waiting for the pain to subside before she spoke again.
“I was angry” she nearly mumbled the words. “That I was born like this. That I let down a whole generation of Xiaolis. A whole kingdom of people. That I let a man fool me into thinking he would help me fix that… That I let an entire kingdom fall into a literal pile of ashes.” she paused. Because she should have been most angry about those things. “And I was furious, that Acrux gave me the chance to have a child, and then Vega gave me a touch of life, a taste of what could have been, and then they ripped it all away without a single word of warning. My boy. Gone. immortality. Gone. The worst part was they didn’t even have the grace to do it all at once. It was just strength ebbing away day by day.”
She nudged her face deeper into the cushions. “I just wanted to do something for myself, for once. I thought I was going up there to make peace with the gods. Instead I took it out on some poor soul on the peak.” she shook her head. She had been cruel to Lovis, she still felt guilty for that. “I paid the price for it already, don't you worry.” she continued as Caelum pushed her face into her thin mane. “I hardly moved for a week after. I’m still paying for it I'm sure” She had pushed herself so hard that night, it was a miracle she had even made it home alive. There were still faint scars where she had cut up her legs falling on the way down.
“Sometimes the improvements are so small you don’t even notice them. But they pile up. You’ll see them. I promise” she whispered into the mare's shoulder. “The unlucky ones” she answered, forcing her own voice to stay steady through the words. Not a day went by where she didn’t think of her boys.
She had nothing to say for her next words, and could only brush her muzzle comfortingly along her side, as a mother would do to her crying child. “My dear I’ve failed as a queen twice now. I’m sure the people of Herstial who survived would love nothing more than to hang me with my husband. Last I heard your people loved you still. They wont forget that so quickly”
“If you don’t let yourself feel anything” she murmured. “Then you won’t let yourself heal either. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.” she spoke the words with as much conviction as possible, even though she would never be sure of how much truth they held. She tried to keep her thoughts from wandering that direction. She snorted at the antics, unable to help herself. “You flooded a court room? Goodness Caelum I’m glad you haven’t flooded my clinic then.” she paused, listening. “It would be healing, if you just let allowed yourself to take it without so much guilt”
She laughed. “You and me both. Apparently I have a thing for fire wielding warmbloods. I Haven't heard of him, but I’ll keep my eyes and ears peeled. I get all sorts of gossip through the clinic.”
@Caelum
She slunk her head back just a touch, feeling like a child getting scolded - rightfully so. She grimaced as her friend raised her voice for just a moment, and pinned her ears flat back against her head, pain splitting through it. Luvena jumped slightly as Caelums head hit the table. She had dropped her own down into the pillows, listening to the fae, and waiting for the pain to subside before she spoke again.
“I was angry” she nearly mumbled the words. “That I was born like this. That I let down a whole generation of Xiaolis. A whole kingdom of people. That I let a man fool me into thinking he would help me fix that… That I let an entire kingdom fall into a literal pile of ashes.” she paused. Because she should have been most angry about those things. “And I was furious, that Acrux gave me the chance to have a child, and then Vega gave me a touch of life, a taste of what could have been, and then they ripped it all away without a single word of warning. My boy. Gone. immortality. Gone. The worst part was they didn’t even have the grace to do it all at once. It was just strength ebbing away day by day.”
She nudged her face deeper into the cushions. “I just wanted to do something for myself, for once. I thought I was going up there to make peace with the gods. Instead I took it out on some poor soul on the peak.” she shook her head. She had been cruel to Lovis, she still felt guilty for that. “I paid the price for it already, don't you worry.” she continued as Caelum pushed her face into her thin mane. “I hardly moved for a week after. I’m still paying for it I'm sure” She had pushed herself so hard that night, it was a miracle she had even made it home alive. There were still faint scars where she had cut up her legs falling on the way down.
“Sometimes the improvements are so small you don’t even notice them. But they pile up. You’ll see them. I promise” she whispered into the mare's shoulder. “The unlucky ones” she answered, forcing her own voice to stay steady through the words. Not a day went by where she didn’t think of her boys.
She had nothing to say for her next words, and could only brush her muzzle comfortingly along her side, as a mother would do to her crying child. “My dear I’ve failed as a queen twice now. I’m sure the people of Herstial who survived would love nothing more than to hang me with my husband. Last I heard your people loved you still. They wont forget that so quickly”
“If you don’t let yourself feel anything” she murmured. “Then you won’t let yourself heal either. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.” she spoke the words with as much conviction as possible, even though she would never be sure of how much truth they held. She tried to keep her thoughts from wandering that direction. She snorted at the antics, unable to help herself. “You flooded a court room? Goodness Caelum I’m glad you haven’t flooded my clinic then.” she paused, listening. “It would be healing, if you just let allowed yourself to take it without so much guilt”
She laughed. “You and me both. Apparently I have a thing for fire wielding warmbloods. I Haven't heard of him, but I’ll keep my eyes and ears peeled. I get all sorts of gossip through the clinic.”
@Caelum
"speech"
usually it starts
with a nightmare,
some sordid dream
that creeps in on a
saccharine song,
souring as it hits its peak.
with a nightmare,
some sordid dream
that creeps in on a
saccharine song,
souring as it hits its peak.
