Caelum
it's all been done before and if you could only let it be
It was hard, like she was putting a mask on.
A mask she'd cast aside, one that no longer fit, yet still, she was shoving it into place, trying to be the good girl, the good fairy. Trying to worry her friend less, like she wasn't currently falling apart. But it was a charade; she knew it - Luvena knew it. Anywho who might see Cael in this form would know it. She was playing a dangerous game, and she was trying so hard not to slip, fall and descend the rabbit hole of no end. There was no wonderland waiting for her at the end, with a mad hatter willing to do anything to see her take a throne and to save the lands from a tyrant red queen. Instead, it was just her, her memories, her pain, and Luvena trying to soothe and put the pieces together.
It was a talent Lu held onto firmly.
It was why this was the shop she had sought for. Lu had a way of understanding her that few have ever done before. It was like being able to sit in that room so long ago and talk freely with Shiori. Or to spend time with Trey and talk about nothing. There was a comforting kinship in the growing friendship, and so she quietly listened to her retellings, to the new knowledge of her friend, still knowing how little she might know. How much more there was to learn about Luvena. Like herself, Lu held a lifetime of wisdom, of events, of fashioning that made her who she was. Like Caelum, it could take another lifetime to tell those stories. It did not stop her from eagerly wrapping herself around every new piece of knowledge gained.
Learning more about her friend always made her focus on something better.
When her friend spoke again, Caelum gently reached to her, touching her shoulder, "It is alright, Luvena. If you do not want to, do not force yourself to if you cannot forgive her. You have the right to your feelings, and they are justified because they are what you feel, and there is nothing wrong with feeling that." She gently nuzzled her friend, wanting to be there for her, wanting to know what to say, but for once, Caelum didn't have words and could only offer her gentle support. Perhaps it was the same with Luvena, as she ran her muzzle through her mane, and merely telling her that she knew, she understood it was hard. Cael leaned into that embrace, her breath finally leaving her in a soft whoosh.
"I think . . the hardest part . . . is knowing they wouldn't want me like this."
And then he was gone.
But she knew, deep in her heart, he wouldn't want her unhappy, to be suffering. He only ever wanted the best of her. He wanted to see her smile. Rile her up to just see her blush and get indignant. He liked to see her show her wild side, to remind the world that the fae weren't sweet innocent creatures, they were the imps of legends, and that's why he and she fit so well. They weren't the demon and the angel; they were the demon and the fae. He was chaos and wildness; she was mischievous but tempered with play, and together they could conquer anything. He was uncontrollable, where she was presentable. He was quick to anger, and her touch would soothe it. And she knew, if he could see her now, like this, he'd verbally flay her alive for it.
She shifted, slowly sitting up, her gaze on Lu.
"Thank you . . . I'm sorry I scared you with my arrival." The contractions were back again, and for the first time in a long time, her smile was her own, not a fake one, but the one she used to wear, full of trouble, but a promise of affection to keep her from getting into trouble, "It's . . . been a rough few . . . I really don't remember how long it has been since Syn's visit . . . but, talking to her about it hadn't helped like I thought . . . telling her everything that happened. She was so busy blaming herself, I felt like she couldn't see me properly. I couldn't focus on the pain enough to see the light at the end because I was still burying it to try and soothe her." She didn't need to do that here. This place was safe.
Luvena was a safe place to go.
So, this time, as she spoke, it was with the soft fondness of memories, rather than the painful ending of that time, "Did you know, Tremaine and I; we always referred to him as my dark knight. He tried to call himself the pauper to my Princess when he confessed his love, asked me to take a chance on him. The look on his face when I told him I'd never take a chance on a pauper." She laughed, shaking her head softly, "He was like a confused puppy being told he can't have a treat. Told him I'd take a chance on a dark knight, told him my dark knight could steal me away any day. After that, I was the Princess, and he was my Dark Knight." Her gaze softened, "He gave his life up, defending me to his last breath. I've always wondered whether I had run when he begged me to if he'd still be alive. That doubt, that fear has haunted me for so long . . . I forgot about the pride in his eyes when I refused to leave his side. That momentary joy, that despite being a demon horse, I wouldn't leave him, not even to save myself."
Tears brimmed at her eyes again, but her smile remained.
"I want to try to be that Caelum again. The one who would face down the world, to stand by those I love, and support them and aid them to the end. The one who isn't afraid to be herself, to get close to others because it might end in heartbreak again. I don't want to forget how to be alive because I'm trying to get by unbroken. Convallis, Calico, Arson . . . none of them would blame me if I did, but I know Trey would be disappointed, he would encourage me to move on, to remember him fondly, to stop punishing myself; because he wasn't afraid to put me on the straight and narrow. To encourage me to be better, be myself, and be wild, carefree, a proper fae.
"Thank you, too; Luvena, for not giving up on me either."
Because Lu, here now, helped cement these desires into action.
"Speech"
Thoughts
@Luvena
Notes: She's getting better <3 She might just make it out of this funk
A mask she'd cast aside, one that no longer fit, yet still, she was shoving it into place, trying to be the good girl, the good fairy. Trying to worry her friend less, like she wasn't currently falling apart. But it was a charade; she knew it - Luvena knew it. Anywho who might see Cael in this form would know it. She was playing a dangerous game, and she was trying so hard not to slip, fall and descend the rabbit hole of no end. There was no wonderland waiting for her at the end, with a mad hatter willing to do anything to see her take a throne and to save the lands from a tyrant red queen. Instead, it was just her, her memories, her pain, and Luvena trying to soothe and put the pieces together.
It was a talent Lu held onto firmly.
It was why this was the shop she had sought for. Lu had a way of understanding her that few have ever done before. It was like being able to sit in that room so long ago and talk freely with Shiori. Or to spend time with Trey and talk about nothing. There was a comforting kinship in the growing friendship, and so she quietly listened to her retellings, to the new knowledge of her friend, still knowing how little she might know. How much more there was to learn about Luvena. Like herself, Lu held a lifetime of wisdom, of events, of fashioning that made her who she was. Like Caelum, it could take another lifetime to tell those stories. It did not stop her from eagerly wrapping herself around every new piece of knowledge gained.
Learning more about her friend always made her focus on something better.
When her friend spoke again, Caelum gently reached to her, touching her shoulder, "It is alright, Luvena. If you do not want to, do not force yourself to if you cannot forgive her. You have the right to your feelings, and they are justified because they are what you feel, and there is nothing wrong with feeling that." She gently nuzzled her friend, wanting to be there for her, wanting to know what to say, but for once, Caelum didn't have words and could only offer her gentle support. Perhaps it was the same with Luvena, as she ran her muzzle through her mane, and merely telling her that she knew, she understood it was hard. Cael leaned into that embrace, her breath finally leaving her in a soft whoosh.
"I think . . the hardest part . . . is knowing they wouldn't want me like this."
He had chuckled, grinning down at her with that dark promises grin, Heh, of course, darling, wouldn't want to be here with anyone else. She couldn't help but smile, the festival lights gleaming around them, flashing a vibrancy of colors in time with the music around them. They had been dancing together, enjoying their time . . . as friends. An as-friends date that had been harder than hell for her to accept. Until finally, the demon was looking up, hissing out, What do they want? She shook her head, trying to soothe him with her muzzle running down his spine. He only responded by pulling her closer, snarling as he seemed to cling her tiny form to his own, You know what, let them stare, I've gotta show them what's mine. She didn't even have a moment to ask him, barely able to get her curious expression up to meet his red-hued gaze before his fluid movements, romantic and instinctual, brought her closer. His muzzle brushed hers, lips pressing a tender kiss between her eyes, holding her close before his forehead touched her own, his lopsided grin that would make her belly do flip flops.
She was heated beneath his touch, between this, and the entire room seemed to be silent, watching, waiting to see what was about to happen between the two that had been dancing around each other for months now, literal months. Is the Princess willing to give the pauper a chance? Her eyes opened again, looking up at him, smiling softly, ignoring the room eager for her response, Do you know how long I've waited for you to do that, how often I've prayed to hear you ask me those words . . . well, not exactly that way . . . but . . . God, Tremaine, I thought for a while there that it'd never happen. And so she dropped her voice, answering him alone because she knew the others wouldn't have let her finish, and she was determined to make him wait after making her wait. He was purring, truly purring at this point, and so she spoke so sweetly, No, I wouldn't take a chance on a pauper. He froze, stepping back from her in confusion, and her grin turned saucy, borrowing a look she'd seen on his face so many times, she'd picked it up.
In case you've forgotten, you're my dark knight . . . and my dark knight . . . you can steal me away any day. She had shifted closer, drawing herself up to whisper to him, "Tremaine Morgan . . . . This Princess would be honored to be given a chance with you. And he had started to grin again, his expression clearly demonstrating his belief she was a tease, and for him, she was. For him, she was so many things she never thought she could be because he made her unafraid to be herself. He lifted her from the dull, simple, picture-perfect life she had been expected to live. Hm, well then, I think the Princess still owes her dark knight a dance, together as one. And he had pulled her back to the dance floor, swaying to the music together. Like how it was supposed to be.
And then he was gone.
But she knew, deep in her heart, he wouldn't want her unhappy, to be suffering. He only ever wanted the best of her. He wanted to see her smile. Rile her up to just see her blush and get indignant. He liked to see her show her wild side, to remind the world that the fae weren't sweet innocent creatures, they were the imps of legends, and that's why he and she fit so well. They weren't the demon and the angel; they were the demon and the fae. He was chaos and wildness; she was mischievous but tempered with play, and together they could conquer anything. He was uncontrollable, where she was presentable. He was quick to anger, and her touch would soothe it. And she knew, if he could see her now, like this, he'd verbally flay her alive for it.
She shifted, slowly sitting up, her gaze on Lu.
"Thank you . . . I'm sorry I scared you with my arrival." The contractions were back again, and for the first time in a long time, her smile was her own, not a fake one, but the one she used to wear, full of trouble, but a promise of affection to keep her from getting into trouble, "It's . . . been a rough few . . . I really don't remember how long it has been since Syn's visit . . . but, talking to her about it hadn't helped like I thought . . . telling her everything that happened. She was so busy blaming herself, I felt like she couldn't see me properly. I couldn't focus on the pain enough to see the light at the end because I was still burying it to try and soothe her." She didn't need to do that here. This place was safe.
Luvena was a safe place to go.
So, this time, as she spoke, it was with the soft fondness of memories, rather than the painful ending of that time, "Did you know, Tremaine and I; we always referred to him as my dark knight. He tried to call himself the pauper to my Princess when he confessed his love, asked me to take a chance on him. The look on his face when I told him I'd never take a chance on a pauper." She laughed, shaking her head softly, "He was like a confused puppy being told he can't have a treat. Told him I'd take a chance on a dark knight, told him my dark knight could steal me away any day. After that, I was the Princess, and he was my Dark Knight." Her gaze softened, "He gave his life up, defending me to his last breath. I've always wondered whether I had run when he begged me to if he'd still be alive. That doubt, that fear has haunted me for so long . . . I forgot about the pride in his eyes when I refused to leave his side. That momentary joy, that despite being a demon horse, I wouldn't leave him, not even to save myself."
Tears brimmed at her eyes again, but her smile remained.
"I want to try to be that Caelum again. The one who would face down the world, to stand by those I love, and support them and aid them to the end. The one who isn't afraid to be herself, to get close to others because it might end in heartbreak again. I don't want to forget how to be alive because I'm trying to get by unbroken. Convallis, Calico, Arson . . . none of them would blame me if I did, but I know Trey would be disappointed, he would encourage me to move on, to remember him fondly, to stop punishing myself; because he wasn't afraid to put me on the straight and narrow. To encourage me to be better, be myself, and be wild, carefree, a proper fae.
"Thank you, too; Luvena, for not giving up on me either."
Because Lu, here now, helped cement these desires into action.
"Speech"
Thoughts
@Luvena
Notes: She's getting better <3 She might just make it out of this funk
when we're drivin' in your car, and you're talkin' to me one-on-one
