Dance like no one is watching
Syn flicked her ears when the snarl appeared, her eyes narrowing at the cousin that she was realizing was not what she remembered. It was that unexpected facade that kept the darker fae from snapping. Though the rage was welling. It crackled under her skin, not hot with fury but as cold as ice, as cold as death. It was these moments that she wished she could express the emotions without being cruel.
"You call me dear… but yet your features are cold and cruel. Features that I have never seen upon your face. My rebellion was not expected. It should have never happened. A stronger being would strive to be what their people need, not flee in anger at the idea of being shackled to a kingdom that did not want them as they were. You may not blame me for running, but I do. I was wrong. And because of my stupidity, I was not there to help when our kingdoms game crashing to the dirt. That is my failure." She said coolly, her head raised in a way that she had witnessed so many times from her own dear mother. Then the words. The pain. The foal that her cousin had been blessed with. That Syn herself would never get to meet. A tear slipped from her cold control, rushing down her cheek at the idea of the pain her cousin had been through.
More words, more pain slipping from the fae before her. It was hard to hear, to see. Syn wanted nothing more than to embrace her cousin and hold her through the pain. However, Syn was unsure of it she would be welcomed or pushed away. Their relationship was not what it had been as foals. Then the words that gave her a moment of wrath once again. "Love… They never loved me. I was used as a pawn in their work." She seethed, remembering the conversations about how she needed to be useful for the kingdom. Her head was high and her entire body shuddering as she held in the pain. "You have loved and lost. I will not say otherwise. I have been cursed to never find love. Any that I love are taken before I can even blink. Even you. You left and forgot about me. But I am not angry at that. You needed to do as you did to become the being that you are now. I am the daughter of winter… Cold, cruel, uncaring." Her rage was a back, feeling like frost in her blood as she closed her eyes and resisted the urge to flee. She found herself taking in the cafe around them as she tried to shove the pain back into the lake within her.
The sigh from her cousin, the soft words. It made Syn break a little more. "Your anger should be at me. We had promised to be at each other’s sides… and I failed at it." She murmured before listening to the words. To the being that Caelum clearly cherished. It was the moment that Caelum collapsed beside her that fully broke the winter fae. She curled her body around the elder, trying to both comfort and draw comfort from the other mare. Syn let Cael get out the pain, her heart broken as she listened.
"You cannot hold that blame. There are too many what if thoughts that can lend to burying ourselves. I know that for sure. What if thoughts nearly caused my demise more than once. You speak of the stars and loved ones there… I cannot even wish to join them. I want nothing more than pure oblivion. No afterlife, no more trying to be enough to be loved. I would do just about anything for a moment of pure love like you have been blessed with. I am not saying that to hurt you. You have had moments of bliss, of feeling like you belong. The closest I have come to that, at least since we were young, is moments of oblivion thanks to alcohol. When my time comes, I will have none that mourn my leaving. None waiting for me to join them in the afterlife." Her words were whispered, broken. Thoughts that had nearly driven her to ending her pain multiple times. Lifting her head, she gazed at her cup on the table and worked to carefully tuck away the pain again. It was like building a wall, carefully working to put the bricks of control around the pain she was feeling.
"Speaking."
Notes: Well… Syn is taking the reins of this conversation… I didn’t even know of her suicidal streak O.o
