A s t a
'cause i thought i saw your soul
They say there is a point in every one's life when we can look back and judge what we've done. We experience regrets, or desires to have let things gone a different route. Perhaps, my issue is that when I look back in time, it's not just this life that I have regrets about. It's every life. Hundreds, and thousands, and hundred of thousands lives and existences that I have to feel pain with each memory.
Loved ones who no longer remember me.
The heartbreaking betrayals that are all painstakingly clear.
It's shocking how hard it is to heal your heart.
When the time doesn't soften the memory.
So I've learned to be more careful, I've learned to be more unwilling, to stop myself from making mistakes that will hurt me in my next life, and the one after, and the one after that. I learned to stop trying to let myself care. So, yes, I'm being rude, and yes this stallion wants to play. But, I cannot simply engage, because then that opens me up for a new avenue of regrets. And in the long run, it's not worth the pain.
Yet, you must find something in your title, so quick to declare yourself a prince." I drawl out the words with contempt, my expression growing bored as if he'd sung his song too long. It's safer this way, for me to walk away now. His words fall on deaf ears, and I sigh quietly, If you knew what I was doing, then why not just leave? I grow bored of your insolent attempts at conversation." I let the retort drip off my tongue, slow and chilling. It would be better to cut him off now. He might think this was just a game to me, my M.O. That I was just one of those mares who had to fight. How would he feel if he knew it was because I was done fighting.
I was done fighting, I had grown tired lifetimes ago - but unlike those who could just, let go - fall asleep and that was it . . . I didn't get a start over, a new beginning. Not like many others. I woke up, with every memory intact, sometimes the phantom pains of what killed me in the previous life already etched into the new infant form. There was never any rest for me, any escape. So what he thought would be the fire that would ignite me, was just words I'd heard before.
Then he made the wrong move, I'm sorry, you think I would care to want to know more? You're foolish if you believe that. You're a dime a dozen in these parts. There is nothing I would like to do LESS than stay around and learn more." So I climbed to my hooves, moving away. I'm relatively glad that I'm facing away from him when he comments on my being afraid. He didn't understand, of course, he wouldn't. He's not cursed like I am. Reincarnated over and over again. The real tragedy to reincarnation. I don't get happily ever after one lifetime into the next with someone I love. I don't get to feel my existence is meaningful. I'm just . . . me. Boring me, alone when it's time to start over, and never allowed to forget.
Ever.
His follow-up words fell over me like a summer drizzle, not lasting enough to make an impression. But, I still turn and offer him my prettiest smile, even as I didn't bother to hide the deadness to my eyes, "I am well aware of the life I am destined to leave. As we speak, my parents are scouring for a husband, to transfer ownership of me from my father to the next man to command me. I was born into nobility, into the highest tier of social circles. I was raised knowing what was expected of me, and I am aware of my freedom growing more limited." For a brief moment, her smile dropped, her gaze turning away, to another horizon, I shall be fine, you don't need to concern yourself with what becomes of me. I'm well protected beneath my Sovereign, and no one is ever willing to truly hurt the gems of the high class. We're meant to be on display, after all."
I turn my gaze back towards him, silent for a few beats, "Besides, I've tasted freedom in this lifetime already, and I knew in that moment just how fleeting it would be. I know well enough by now, what it means to be in my position, and dreaming for something else will only lead to more heartbreak in the end. It's sometimes better to accept what fate has to offer." Even as I fought fate with Liam, and Bucky, and the protection of the Citadel. But this stranger didn't need to know that. He didn't need to know anything about me.
FROM THE MOUTH
INSIDE THE MIND
@Rhysand
Notes:: <3
Loved ones who no longer remember me.
The heartbreaking betrayals that are all painstakingly clear.
It's shocking how hard it is to heal your heart.
When the time doesn't soften the memory.
So I've learned to be more careful, I've learned to be more unwilling, to stop myself from making mistakes that will hurt me in my next life, and the one after, and the one after that. I learned to stop trying to let myself care. So, yes, I'm being rude, and yes this stallion wants to play. But, I cannot simply engage, because then that opens me up for a new avenue of regrets. And in the long run, it's not worth the pain.
Yet, you must find something in your title, so quick to declare yourself a prince." I drawl out the words with contempt, my expression growing bored as if he'd sung his song too long. It's safer this way, for me to walk away now. His words fall on deaf ears, and I sigh quietly, If you knew what I was doing, then why not just leave? I grow bored of your insolent attempts at conversation." I let the retort drip off my tongue, slow and chilling. It would be better to cut him off now. He might think this was just a game to me, my M.O. That I was just one of those mares who had to fight. How would he feel if he knew it was because I was done fighting.
I was done fighting, I had grown tired lifetimes ago - but unlike those who could just, let go - fall asleep and that was it . . . I didn't get a start over, a new beginning. Not like many others. I woke up, with every memory intact, sometimes the phantom pains of what killed me in the previous life already etched into the new infant form. There was never any rest for me, any escape. So what he thought would be the fire that would ignite me, was just words I'd heard before.
Then he made the wrong move, I'm sorry, you think I would care to want to know more? You're foolish if you believe that. You're a dime a dozen in these parts. There is nothing I would like to do LESS than stay around and learn more." So I climbed to my hooves, moving away. I'm relatively glad that I'm facing away from him when he comments on my being afraid. He didn't understand, of course, he wouldn't. He's not cursed like I am. Reincarnated over and over again. The real tragedy to reincarnation. I don't get happily ever after one lifetime into the next with someone I love. I don't get to feel my existence is meaningful. I'm just . . . me. Boring me, alone when it's time to start over, and never allowed to forget.
Ever.
His follow-up words fell over me like a summer drizzle, not lasting enough to make an impression. But, I still turn and offer him my prettiest smile, even as I didn't bother to hide the deadness to my eyes, "I am well aware of the life I am destined to leave. As we speak, my parents are scouring for a husband, to transfer ownership of me from my father to the next man to command me. I was born into nobility, into the highest tier of social circles. I was raised knowing what was expected of me, and I am aware of my freedom growing more limited." For a brief moment, her smile dropped, her gaze turning away, to another horizon, I shall be fine, you don't need to concern yourself with what becomes of me. I'm well protected beneath my Sovereign, and no one is ever willing to truly hurt the gems of the high class. We're meant to be on display, after all."
I turn my gaze back towards him, silent for a few beats, "Besides, I've tasted freedom in this lifetime already, and I knew in that moment just how fleeting it would be. I know well enough by now, what it means to be in my position, and dreaming for something else will only lead to more heartbreak in the end. It's sometimes better to accept what fate has to offer." Even as I fought fate with Liam, and Bucky, and the protection of the Citadel. But this stranger didn't need to know that. He didn't need to know anything about me.
FROM THE MOUTH
INSIDE THE MIND
@Rhysand
Notes:: <3
shades of jade and emerald
