i agree that i
is a pretty heavy concept
is a pretty heavy concept
M
y golden shoes press softly into the soil of the cliffside, marring the earth with a fierceness saying “I am here, I was here, I will still be here long after you are gone,” as I push myself further and further away as the sun sets over the ocean. These hours belong to Vespera and Vespera abandoned me when I pressed myself, willingly, selfishly, beneath the burning skies of Solterra to a girl with blood on the brain. So, I turn my face from the setting sun, the sight so many others have gathered with their lovers to watch, gathered with their solitude, and with every ounce of belief and faith and devotion they can muster. It is a devotion I no longer know if it is soul-deep or surface-deep when I wear it anymore.None of it matters as I enter the capitol where dirt turns to cobbled streets and the houses sparkle with stars and colors of a dying light that will never truly die. Merry denizens laugh as their shoulders clink together like flutes of wine Miriam would bring me.
The beast inside growls.
In her anger, in our seclusion, she would choose murder and mirth. Clumsily I shake her claws from my stomach, letting it loosen and relax once more, pushing aside the simmering rage, ignoring the knots that would keep me from health if I paid them mind. She hurls herself against walls built by years of practice, and I know I cannot ignore her for long. Soon we will hunt, and soon her thirst will be sated.
With a roll of my eyes that matches the roll of my shoulders, loosening muscles long tense under a cold sun and frosted fields. Ducking under a crooked sign, a door opens as I slip into the Drinking Dove. Nary an eye turns towards me, the other soldiers knowing me well enough, and I weave through the bodies that have trained me and molded me, and in turn been hardened by my horn pressed to their flesh, by my teeth so near their bones, until I reach the counter. Behind it, Della smiles brightly at me and blows a kiss.
Silently I ask her for my usual, and she comes back with something that smells like death. “All out of the usual, dollface. Winter’s tough on trade.” Huffing, I look to the men to my left, they grimace back. ”Perhaps our sovereign could look into that. Our taps are an important thing,” I say with a smile and matching grimace, sipping from the tankard of ale. “You’d best let someone else sweettalk him then, sweetheart. I don’t think he’s into tails like yours.”
Scattered laughter from those who listen rings alongside my own. This would do for now. This would warm our bellies and keep my little monster at bay for a while at least. Nothing is different or changed. It is another night that Henry will ignore me, hidden in his room; another night my father will say nothing when I slip into the house in the wee hours of the morning; another night of muddied clothes and restless wandering and restless thoughts that won’t let me be even in my dreams.
It’s just another day, another sunset, another night.
{ @Below Zero"speaks" notes: TIME TO HAVE FUN }
