[P] *now or never; [tw]

[Tarquin]

Absence is difficult on him, this much was far too true to deny in any which way. Quinn is concerned for what they'd been, all they'd gone through, and what they now were. Quinn frets over what about himself might have changed the way his form has changed. He doesn't know what Novus will make him, and he's always critical about his own worth and if that had diminished by being here. Being powerless, weaker. If that would matter to Vhetiveer. Quinn wanted to be enough, and Quinn could too often be sharper, crueler if he deemed himself to have any gaping weaknesses (or if he was in pain). What would Vhetiveer do if he saw more of that side of Quinn? It undoubtably would show up here. If he even bothered to be near anyone else, that is. He still had to figure out if there was anything here for him to do, to make some sort of living out of. He'd been struggling so much with equine life the last few times that he had been thrown into it, so why should he think this time would be any different? Vhetiveer being here would keep Quinn grounded -- and that was a vital thing to be sure -- but Quinn was terrible at being idle and without direction. His ambitions had the risk of turning to darker things where nothing productive was found. Quinn wanted to avoid that sort of thing, though it did not include the hunts and killing, as that would remain regardless. It was who Quinn was, and he could only force down so much of what and who he was. Quinn wasn't even sure that he could show Vhetiveer all the darkest corners of himself, though in retrospect there really wasn't much that hadn't already been seen or said or obvious. It was the distance, bringing up all of these insecurities and concerns. Absence did not make the heart grow fonder; it made Quinn fear that he'd changed too much, or that something had been lost along the way. Quinn was aware that this was a sort of pathetic outlook to have, and certainly not helpful at all; but there it was. Quinn trusted Vhetiveer to see it all, even through the worries. For better or worse and all the insecurities that go with it. He calms at the affectionate bump, the smile that Vhetiveer aims at him. It settles him. As do the words that Vhetiveer speaks on the matter, jolting him back to the reality of what all of it had become. He was safe in this, in what they had. "Perhaps my suffering keeps me in line." He responds, his smile impish, but his tone was light, a gleam in his tri-colored irises to go with it. Quinn reaches to nibble along Vhetiveer's spine, though it's more a teasing scraping of his sharper teeth at the skin there before he trails his nose to Vhet's shoulder and pauses there to listen on the situation with Ucal. He was glad that Ucal was alright, alive, and impatient to meet their son, but there was a tightness in his chest at the mention of the ashes having gone missing, of how Vhetiveer had left. Quinn pushes that aside, because it was over now. There was a good ending to all that, and he would focus on that now. He understood why Vhetiveer had done it, and couldn't be angry for it. Plus, how could he chide Vhetiveer with that look in the male's eyes, that grin? Quinn knew what that sort of thing had felt like. It makes him miss war, though he supposes that's not a good thing to miss. Good and right never had all that much sway on him to begin with, though. Vhetiveer had spoken of the forfeit of magic for Ucal, and Quinn wondered if it had taken his as well, if that was where it had gone. That idea made him feel better over the loss of it. The idea of giving it up for their son. If anything, he hopes that's how it went. Try to find a new place to live, but not a bunny burrow, since they wouldn't be able to fit. Quinn rumbles at that, amused. "Perhaps a cave, then? Something with tunnel systems in it, so it's close enough?" Quinn isn't sure there would be such a thing here, but it didn't hurt to look, if that was what Vhetiveer would like. Quinn wouldn't much care where they lived, though. "Whatever you decide will be fine. You are my home." And that was that, as far as Quinn saw it. He could sleep right here night after night so long as Vhetiveer would be with him. Quinn pushed his nose to the curve of Vhetiveer's throat. "I missed you, mo chroí." He crooned, the irish lilt heavy in the words. I'M READY TO BLEED TO MAKE AMENDS *tarquin

image credits: yokamycelium

@Vhetiveer