Isabella Foster
I like a look of agony
because I know it's true
I
have been to so many parties that I have honestly lost count. Since I was young I was told to come, to behave, to be seen and not heard. I had to smile, to politely introduce myself to those who spoke with our family. I curtseyed, I braided my hair, I stood up tall and straight. I complimented. There is so much more that goes into being a Foster than many people know.
I wonder if the Commander, the Queen, feels the same way. We see the exterior, but what happens behind all of that? Does she build towers of stone miles high to stand upon? I can only imagine what it is like to carry the weight of an entire kingdom on your back.
Does she have anyone to help her carry it?
She turns around to face me and those steel grey eyes look into something like a mirror. I have never felt this when looking at my own family, and I have never realized what it feels like to see something of yourself in another. It is haunting. A chill runs up my spine, someone walking on my grave in another life. Or so the stories go.
What my family has done for our country. Rather what our money has done. Most Fosters do not even lift a finger, it is far easier to hand over a wallet. But I smile anyway, it would be unbefitting of me to offer the commander such a comment. If word of what I said then rang back to my family, I would be punished and face shame in their eyes.
“I should say the pleasure is also mine,” I offer her politely. “How do you manage to find the time to come to these arrangements?” I ask. “I imagine the Halcyon unit keeps you rather busy.” I say admiringly. This is when my eyes go to her wings that dress her back. I always used to pretend I had wings like that, running as fast as I possibly could along our family’s beach, thinking maybe if I could just run a bit faster, maybe I could take off and fly.
“Your wings, they are beautiful.” I say and something happens, something slips through that Foster mask I had so painstakingly created since birth. I look almost like—“I have always admired Halcyon, even asked for stories of them often as a child.” I say.
I don’t mention the feather.
I don’t mention the baby blanket of the winged horses.
I don’t mention how I think I was supposed to be born with wings and I dream about them.
Maybe if I had, everything that happened here and after would have been different.
But as it is. “I must thank you again for coming, it is an honor.” I say overly polite. “If you ever have the time, I have updated some maps of the city and I would love to show you or anyone really that it could benefit.” And that mask slides back into place and I am a Foster once more. “They are not doing much use in our library.” Our library, that library of all our secrets. No, we cant say secrets, not when we so willingly share it with the world.
picture colored by Elidhu
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