i'm up against these things i can't see ;
they don't compare ; make me believe, make me believe
M
any seem to call me a phoenix, even if they haven't seen one themselves. I don't even know if they're real since I've never seen one either. Maybe it's not fair of me to not want to be one then since they could very well be kind creatures. It's just the fire that scares me. I think it always will and I just wish… I wish it didn't have to feel like such a burden now.As Tenebrae speaks, I start to feel myself relax. He always knows the right things to say and I think that's why I wanted to tell him first. I knew he would understand and that I could trust him. Eventually I should tell Momma, but I'm not ready to yet.
When he says I don't have to be a phoenix, I breathe a sigh of relief. This feels like my fate and I'd rather find a different way than to have to worry about possibly destroying everything around me. I mean Momma says she just had to practice to be able to control her fire, but I can see the way it sparks whenever she's frustrated. Even the littlest things make it appear out of nowhere. How can I make sure that doesn't happen at all? But I guess he's right with all the ways fire can help too. I don't like how this feels. I'm still a kid, can't I enjoy being carefree for a little while longer? This seems like too much of a responsibility.
"You are different to your mother." He says and although that's all I've ever wanted, it feels strange to hear it out loud from someone. "You really think so?" I ask in disbelief. I love Momma, I really do, but I only want to be strong like her, not destructive or irritable. "Just… don't tell Momma about any of this. I don't want her to know yet…" I hope he won't do the adult thing and tell her anyway. I hope he can be my friend and keep this secret.
These are the thoughts and worries I take with me as we start to head home. I press my nose into him for a moment, feeling comforted by his warmth. There's a lot for me to process, but at least I won't be alone in this. Bram nuzzles my shoulder as we leave and I know that he'll always be watching over me (and Momma) too.
@Tenebrae <3
