The sky was as sullen as my mood. We simmered together, edging ever closer to the point of bursting. Part electric, all grey.
I would have killed to be a stormcloud.
Instead I ambled through the mountains, feeling the air grow heavier and heavier with an unspoken promise. The air smelled like frost and dirt and restlessness. (I was told that restlessness was not a scent, but I knew what I knew. And I knew well the scent of restlessness.) I walked with my head low to the ground, my magic spread before me like an open palm. The roots and sticks and dirt of the forest floor did not have stories to share with me today. Instead they beckoned: “follow me until you don’t know where you are.”
There is something surreal to the mountains as she looks upon them now. They are majestic peaks covered in crisp-flavored snow. Where she used to feel trapped but had to call home is now a beauty to behold. It doesn't look so bad now that she has her freedom. After all, she is used to more of a vantage point from up high and not so much looking up at the mountains themselves. Today, they do not look quite as stunning as they would on a clear evening while the sun is setting and the faintest stars are coming awake. But still, they are a part of Denocte she's grown to appreciate.
Vae isn't sure what exactly about them beckons for her to visit. She had been avoiding them in case she came upon a member of her tribe and she'd have to explain why she left. They would ask as if they wanted to understand, but they wouldn't. They never did. She is a bird not meant for a cage.
And as she ascends the peak and the air shifts, she is grateful for the fresh air. No matter what her family thinks of her now, she is truly at peace with herself and has a new perspective of life.
But she can't help but feel some nerves when she sees another up ahead. At first, she does think it's someone from her tribe, but she realizes that she's never met them before. They're still quite young too. They almost seem like they're… searching.
"Are you lost, snow-child?" she calls out, stretching her snout out to curiously sniff the girl. There is something that clings to her and reminds her of Night Court, so she must be from here too. "Maybe I can help you? I used to live up here." The words taste foreign on her tongue, but it's true. Perhaps if the girl is looking for something, her knowledge of the terrain could be useful.
Vaeri arrived quiet as a summer breeze. I wouldn’t have noticed her as soon as I did if it weren’t for Furfur, who tugged at my mind gently. “We’re not alone.” The sound of his voice in my head made me think of a tree, bending in the wind. A low creak always on the edge of cracking. I stopped and turned to look at her. She was just a girl herself. Older than me, of course-- everyone was older than me-- but still a girl. Her youth did not put me at ease, but I found myself more intrigued. And perhaps a little more open.
She called me a snow-child, which brought a small smile to my lips. And she asked if I was lost, which seemed a very strange question to me.
“No,” I said plainly. I was not lost.
I did not know where I was going,
but I was not lost.
She asked if she could help. She couldn’t. I was too kind to tell her that, so I just offered her a smile. It must have looked like the smiles adults gave me, when they thought I wouldn’t understand, and it felt strange on my face. If I thought I hated seeing that smile, it was even worse to wear it. But really, there was nothing she could do for me. There was nothing I was looking for that could be measured or mapped. No path that could be guided by anything but my heart, and my closed eyes, and my flat-palmed magic.
I took a step further into the woods. I would not mind if she joined me, but I did not want to be still together. In my bones there was too strong an itch for movement. “follow me” the sticks and stones and cold earth continued to urge me on. A little pebble trembled as it reached for me and found (to its shock) it had no arms with which to reach.
I knew I must go deeper into the mountain.
I took a closer look at the stranger. Her galactic skin, light-colored eyes, and the small moon she wore like a crown. It was a crescent moon, like tonight’s would be. “Are you a shed star? I’ve never met one before.” I heard the reverence in my voice and I hated how childish it sounded. I had always dreamed myself a fallen star, something from the sky instead of the sea. Maybe then I could reach my magic deep into the night and talk to the heavens. Surely they would have more interesting stories to tell than the rugs and candlesticks and stone walls.
Vae didn't notice the wolf at first, but now she sees them by the child's side and is curious. She knows of the special bond between equines and other creatures, but never experienced it herself. This wolf doesn't even look like a true wolf, but something different. Something she can't quite place.
The girl just replies with a 'no' and Vae isn't sure if it's to the question of being lost or her offer to help. Maybe it's to both? She seems like a stubborn one, which could be why she's out here just with her bonded. Maybe she's strong enough not to need anyone else. Her independence is quite impressive and reminds Vae of herself in a way.
They travel farther into the woods (or at least, she follows the girl out of curiosity now) and a cold breeze dances around them. It carries with it memories of her tribe and old life which still sting a bit, but they weren't all that bad. The girl becomes curious herself and asks Vae if she's a Shed Star. The fact she knows of her kind impresses her more and she smiles.
"I am," she replies proudly. If only it were nighttime and she could show off just how bright she could shine. For now, she'd have to rely on her storytelling. "In fact, I used to be a star. I was molded from stardust and then brought to this very mountain to live among the other Shed Stars. Caligo picked me herself, it's a true honor." Her need to tell elaborate stories can sometimes be so great, one idea in her mind becomes bigger and bigger. Many times, the one listening buys it and it makes her want to do it more often. She can't really explain why it's so fun, but it's the same with her need to collect things and why she doesn't want to call it stealing. She doesn't like to call this lying, just simply telling stories.
"I learned all the customs and rituals from the Shed Stars. I can read runes and the cards. I can tell you your future," she tells the girl, her eyes showing a sort of playful eagerness to match the tone of her voice. Inside she is still just a child too. One that still looks up at the moon at night and wonders what it would be like to stand on top of it. If only she truly had been born from the stars and perhaps she'd have the ability to travel up into the sky to see the world from above.
"What do they call you? Or should I just keep calling you snow-child?" The nickname suits the girl pretty well so maybe she won't mind.
We moved through the snowy forest, opposites in many ways. My horn pointed forward, her’s back. My skin pale and plain, hers dark and deeply complex. A wolf at my side, in companionable silence; but she was alone, at least until she came across us. The thought hit me suddenly: I’ve never been alone before. There had always been Avesta, or my family, or later on Furfur. I was not sure if I pitied her or was jealous. I suppose, being my father’s daughter, I was a little of both.
I never could pick one side of the coin/blade/mind. I had to have it all. (there, see, I am my mother’s daughter too!)
I was fairly well versed in the history of the shed stars, although it was a vague and hazy kind of history-- as all ancient, mysterious ones are. I was also well versed in myth and fables and legends, perhaps too well. I sometimes got them all mixed up, and the end result was my inevitable disappointment with reality and its dullness. But the shed stars were real, or else the girl was crazy, and I grinned, triumphant, as though I had personally added a little more magic to the world.
“Really?” wonder tightened in my throat as I imagined myself a star, so very far away. If I shouted my sister’s name across that distance, would she hear me? I liked to think she would. I glanced to the sky. “What’s it like up there?” It seemed lonely to me, but maybe that’s because I wasn’t a star.
She told me about reading my future and I stopped walking, hesitation furrowing my brow. “Isn’t that cheating?” It seemed like cheating. And why do anything at all if your future was already writ? But I was deeply curious, and she must have seen it in my face. The future, at that moment, seemed so big and wide and unknowable. I enjoyed not knowing, but I was also devilishly tempted to flip forward, take a peek at the ending.
I didn’t believe in happy endings, but I still yearned for one anyway. It was just childhood angst, but some days it tore me in two.
Eventually I kept walking, but I offered her a small smile. As far as monikers went, snow child was actually a pretty good one for me. “Can’t your runes tell me my name?” A little playful, a little earnest.
“I’m Aspara,” I said eventually, feeling, oddly, like we were already friends. “What’s your name?”
The wonder in the girl's eyes reminds her of her own and it brings a smile to her face. Even though she's a bit older, she's still always looking at the world with awe and curiosity. It's unlikely that it'll ever fade and she hopes it doesn't leave this girl's heart either.
Thinking about what life would be like up in the sky is something she actually thinks about often. Maybe it's her connection to the moon that always has her head up in the clouds. "It's amazing," she says with a sigh as she begins to weave the story. "You can see everything up there. Lands beyond Novus… lots of big dragons, actually. You'd be surprised how many are way up there flying around." Dragons had to be one of her favorite creatures. Fable especially has always amazed her whenever she's seen him high in the sky. It makes her wonder how many more of him are out there and she hopes to meet them some day. "You start to feel lonely though. That's why so many of us came back down here to be among the mortals."
Later, when she mentions reading the future, the girl seems skeptical. Was it cheating? Vae supposes it's a valid question. "Not really," she says shrugging. The ways of divination are never completely clear, after all. "The runes are funny things you know. They don't always tell you what you want to hear." And this is why they would not be able to tell her Aspara's name. Though it's not a problem since she loves hearing the name on the girl's tongue.
"My name is Vaeri, but you can call me Vae for short!" she answers happily. "Aspara… what a beautiful name." At least now that they're on a first name basis, she feels like she's possibly made a friend.
And speaking of friends, a little gray bird suddenly finds its way over to them. It takes a perch on a branch nearby and looks between the three of them. What a silly picture it must be to a bird- two horses and a wolf-creature.
"Well, hello friend," Vae says, stretching out to try and reach for the bird with her snout. It doesn't seem to enjoy the gesture and flies away as quickly as it had arrived. The mare frowns and looks back at Aspara with her companion. "Do you talk to animals?"
There were dragons in the sky?! For some reason this is the thought that made me feel small. Not the knowledge that I lived and walked among fallen stars. Not the understanding that my family was across an ocean I didn’t even know the size of. But the fact that there were dragons cruising among the stars, so far away I couldn’t see them.
I wondered how long it took for a star to get lonely. “So how old are you, really?” I suppose my voice sounded suspicious. It’s just that she looked so young (she even spoke and acted a little like a child) but if she was once a star she could be eons old... She could have been born before horses first walked Novus! I had a lot more questions. How exactly did a star become a horse? Could they become any animal? Could they return to the sky whenever they wished?
I realized I was chewing the inside of my cheek. All those questions, held back only by the physical action. My mouth tasted the way the forge sometimes smelled. Hot metal, pressed thin.
“I’d like to see how you use them someday,” I admitted. The runes intrigued me, as all veins of mysticism did, even though they also scared me. There were some things I sensed were better unknown. Truths better to be discovered than told. “Vae. Nice to meet you.” Still my questions rattled around behind my sealed lips. I didn’t want to overwhelm her and anyway, I was patient. I hoped this was the start of a friendship, and we would have much time ahead of us for the answering of questions. I imagined myself peeling back the truth, layer by layer, to reveal a golden, glowing core. The heart of a star.
The bird caught my attention, drawing me out of my thoughts. I regarded it stoically, meeting its placid gaze. I could not help but laugh a little as Vae reached out and scared it off. There was something so naive about the gesture-- had she expected it to sing to her, like something out of a fairy tale? Braid flowers into her mane? I found it endearing. It certainly distracted me from my self-absorbed moodiness.
“No, I don’t talk to animals. Just Furfur.” It did not strike me as an odd question, although to others it might have. Furfur suddenly bounded away, having caught the scent of a rabbit. “I can talk to other things though.” I grinned suddenly. “Anything without a heart, really.” I took my magic quite seriously-- it was a pivotal part of me, not some party trick or casual glamor.
But then, I took most things seriously. It was simply my nature.
- - -
@Vaeri we can wrap up in the next few posts? They're so cute together <3
Vae can't help but smile at the girl's question about her age. It's something to think about. If she were a star, she could easily be thousands of years old. She'd likely be much wiser, but who's to say someone so old still doesn't hold a kind of wonder for the world? That's how Vae would be. She would never lose that spark for life.
"That's the question, isn't it?" she says with a friendly wink. "Time works differently for stars, so we age a lot differently too. I don't know how old I am exactly, but older than you!" It makes sense in her mind at least and, for a moment, she wishes she could actually be some kind of ethereal being.
Aspara expresses some interest in her runes and Vae's ears perk. It's been some time since she's taken them out and practiced, but she'd love to show off a bit. As much as it hurts sometimes to think about her family, there is some kind of bittersweet nostalgia that comes out of it all.
She's a bit disappointed that the girl didn't speak to animals, but it's okay. Her ability is still intriguing. What did heartless things have to say if they aren't exactly living?
"I'd love to know more about that sometime!" she exclaimed with a big grin on her face. "I could show you my runes too." It feels like the start of a friendship and her heart swells with happiness.
Then, she realizes her home isn't too far if Aspara is truly interested. "Actually, I live nearby, if you wanted to check them out now?" she offers, curious if the girl might take her up on it. Even still, maybe it could be something for them to do on a rainy day later.
I wish things could always be as easy as that afternoon with Vaeri. There wasn’t the usual awkwardness-- not that I was particularly awkward, but I was prone to overthinking everything, especially in the spring of my youth. But the two of us just sort of clicked in a way I did not often experience with others. I felt at ease around the shed-star. And to be honest, a little in awe. Star-struck, you might even call it?
Still, it was hard for me to turn away from the depths of the mountain forest. I felt drawn to the wilderness. Something deeper than logic, deeper even than words. It was some primal magnetism, ancient as the sea and twice as deep (twice as dark). The incoming storm only drove me further on when most everyone else would turn tail, head to shelter.
I loathed the word shelter, the very idea of it.
But I didn’t have many friends. And the forest would always be there, the mountain too, each with their secrets and summonings. With no small amount of consideration, I finally nodded my head in acceptance, and I turned to follow the shed-star. “I’d like that. I can tell you more about my magic too. I bet your runes will talk to me.” Magic always brought an excited edge to my voice; there was nothing, not even exploring, that felt as good as flexing my magic.
Furfur followed at my heels with a disappointed huff. “Tomorrow,” I reassured him silently. “tomorrow we’ll be back. And the day after, and again and again and again after that. Always.” But today-- now-- was time for runes and friendship, as unlikely as it may be. Somehow, in a very brief span of time, I went from prowling the mountains, brimming with angst, to going home with a fallen star.
