and bury it before it buries me
She had been lost for a long time.
She had wandered to places with no name or history, trying to lose herself there, another stupid wanderer, pretending the same.
There are times when she wishes she would have stayed lost. Stayed in those nameless places where nothing can be linked to memories, where it is white and quiet and nothing. But she is here now and the stars that glitter bring up memories that are like a hammer to the chest.
“Take a breath – let the world fall away.” She will remember these words months from now when she awakens from a nightmare and feels like her chest is caving in. She will remember these words, his voice, his presence, and only then will her breathing steady and her heart calm. It is in the same instance that he speaks that Elena realizes she is no longer alone. And it is a single beat after this that Elena realizes how beautiful he is. Starlight, bright and shining. “As long as you can see there are stars, there is hope,” someone had told her once, maybe Ori. She likes to tell herself that she has cast her hope aside, it makes her feel strong, not clinging to those bits and pieces, but the truth is that it is worn on her sleeve like a badge of naivety.
He moves closer, and she doesn't move away. He is a stranger, she should be more cautious, but she has never had the good sense to do such things. While she has been punished for this open heart of hers, this willingness to trust a stranger, she has also been gifted far too many times to simply let this mysterious man slip away from her. He reaches towards her and Elena does not flinch away, his gesture was not greedy, not possessive, but ethereal and comforting.
Despite herself, she smiles then, something sad, dark, and beautiful all at once, looking to him with eyes like glaciers in the south, blue and bright. “It has been a night for such,” she says, remembering the Denocte’s breath tangling with her own as their bodies moved to songs she had never heard before. “But I find no matter the excitement or the movement, the stillness of the night always wins out in the end.” The quietness, the solitude, the blindness, all things that had frightened Elena as a child when it came to the dark.
(“Darkness only exists to drawn attention to the light, Elena,” her mother had told her one day when she had been so weak from her illness that they all knew it was close, this ending. “That doesn't make any sense,” she had argued back, a little girl who was hurt, confused, angry. Beylani had looked astounded. “Well, of course it does. Why do you think we have the stars when it grows dark at night?” Elena looked at her with fire eyes. “To see,” she says, there is barb wire on her heart, she doesn't know why her chest hurts. She will come to know this emotion as grief. “To see,” her mother repeated, her voice saturated with all the strength she could muster for a little girl who needed her mother, her night light, her star.)
She feels vulnerable beside him, exposed, ironic as it is that Elena feels most bare when it is darkest. The sunshine had always allowed Elena to hide those fleeting looks of fear, of uncertainty and the blue of the skies that matches her eyes disguises any tears that may have tried to fall. She follows his own gaze up to the stars before it retreats back down, to linger over his sparkling his skin like constellations, his hair like galaxies. “Are you one of them?” She asks him, looking up from beneath long, dark lashes before diverting her gaze away, realizing how silly and girlish her question sounds.
“Mystery?” She questions even her own answer to this. “I’ve never liked the dark,” she admits and it stings her tongue. Too many things hid within it, and though she had always loved the Hyaline night sky, it had only been when the crimson form of her cousin was beside her to chase away the shadows. “My name is Elena,” she gives up that much. Her own name feeling strange in her mouth as she speaks her name of the sun to a man of the night.
She had wandered to places with no name or history, trying to lose herself there, another stupid wanderer, pretending the same.
There are times when she wishes she would have stayed lost. Stayed in those nameless places where nothing can be linked to memories, where it is white and quiet and nothing. But she is here now and the stars that glitter bring up memories that are like a hammer to the chest.
“Take a breath – let the world fall away.” She will remember these words months from now when she awakens from a nightmare and feels like her chest is caving in. She will remember these words, his voice, his presence, and only then will her breathing steady and her heart calm. It is in the same instance that he speaks that Elena realizes she is no longer alone. And it is a single beat after this that Elena realizes how beautiful he is. Starlight, bright and shining. “As long as you can see there are stars, there is hope,” someone had told her once, maybe Ori. She likes to tell herself that she has cast her hope aside, it makes her feel strong, not clinging to those bits and pieces, but the truth is that it is worn on her sleeve like a badge of naivety.
He moves closer, and she doesn't move away. He is a stranger, she should be more cautious, but she has never had the good sense to do such things. While she has been punished for this open heart of hers, this willingness to trust a stranger, she has also been gifted far too many times to simply let this mysterious man slip away from her. He reaches towards her and Elena does not flinch away, his gesture was not greedy, not possessive, but ethereal and comforting.
Despite herself, she smiles then, something sad, dark, and beautiful all at once, looking to him with eyes like glaciers in the south, blue and bright. “It has been a night for such,” she says, remembering the Denocte’s breath tangling with her own as their bodies moved to songs she had never heard before. “But I find no matter the excitement or the movement, the stillness of the night always wins out in the end.” The quietness, the solitude, the blindness, all things that had frightened Elena as a child when it came to the dark.
(“Darkness only exists to drawn attention to the light, Elena,” her mother had told her one day when she had been so weak from her illness that they all knew it was close, this ending. “That doesn't make any sense,” she had argued back, a little girl who was hurt, confused, angry. Beylani had looked astounded. “Well, of course it does. Why do you think we have the stars when it grows dark at night?” Elena looked at her with fire eyes. “To see,” she says, there is barb wire on her heart, she doesn't know why her chest hurts. She will come to know this emotion as grief. “To see,” her mother repeated, her voice saturated with all the strength she could muster for a little girl who needed her mother, her night light, her star.)
She feels vulnerable beside him, exposed, ironic as it is that Elena feels most bare when it is darkest. The sunshine had always allowed Elena to hide those fleeting looks of fear, of uncertainty and the blue of the skies that matches her eyes disguises any tears that may have tried to fall. She follows his own gaze up to the stars before it retreats back down, to linger over his sparkling his skin like constellations, his hair like galaxies. “Are you one of them?” She asks him, looking up from beneath long, dark lashes before diverting her gaze away, realizing how silly and girlish her question sounds.
“Mystery?” She questions even her own answer to this. “I’ve never liked the dark,” she admits and it stings her tongue. Too many things hid within it, and though she had always loved the Hyaline night sky, it had only been when the crimson form of her cousin was beside her to chase away the shadows. “My name is Elena,” she gives up that much. Her own name feeling strange in her mouth as she speaks her name of the sun to a man of the night.
so take away this apathy
bury it before it buries me
@Azrael
![[Image: ddvotwe-59302ba6-6a81-47bf-9846-30c5a5db...0iFb4PvyXE]](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/8026a53b-dc57-41ab-b574-9f8a8fe57ce4/ddvotwe-59302ba6-6a81-47bf-9846-30c5a5db0780.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzgwMjZhNTNiLWRjNTctNDFhYi1iNTc0LTlmOGE4ZmU1N2NlNFwvZGR2b3R3ZS01OTMwMmJhNi02YTgxLTQ3YmYtOTg0Ni0zMGM1YTVkYjA3ODAucG5nIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmZpbGUuZG93bmxvYWQiXX0.ujCJH7FAbsQhfZlQniMmEd_vw-VmvaTDn0iFb4PvyXE)
let's light this house on fire
we'll dance in the warmth of its blaze
pixel made by the amazing star
