He guessed where I was from so easily! I laughed with surprised delight. There were really only three options for him to guess from, but I was impressed by how confident he was in his assessment of me. In fact there was a shadow to my laugh, for as much as I was impressed by him, I was disappointed in myself. I wanted to be shrouded in mystery like Isra; beguiling, less than solid. Instead my traitorous heart burrowed its way through my chest and onto my sleeve. Very fresh, trailing blood-- an easy target even for the most novice of hunters.
(I wonder-- Did they ever stop to ask themselves if it was a trap?
If I speak at times as though I don't know myself, it's because I really don't. I believe no one does. We change too much, too often. What I share with you are only memories, not promises.)
When his smile widened to match mine, it felt like a game. Like a gamble, only one of us could win. My heart beat just a little faster; I had always been fiercely competitive.
“So it isn't always like this? It feels like everyone here is one big happy family.” Everyone seemed buoyed by the festivities, and even those who had too much to drink seemed harmless. Terrastella felt very… safe to me, particularly in comparison to the dark alleys and underground secrets of Night Court. I knew this sense of safety was likely an illusion, a trick of the bonfires as they cast the shadows far back from the cliffside. I knew that the warm glow was a false promise which did not guarantee safety, and I--
I had the strangest urge to take that light, and twist it, and paint myself with the brief darkness living in the flicker of the light. There was a howl always stuck in my throat, and as I felt recklessness wash over me it ached for release. But I contained myself-- for now. I washed down my urges with a gulp of the wine so generously offered, and tried not to cough as the alcohol tickled the back of my mouth. “Thank you, friend.”
In my mind the word friend had been shaped with more sarcasm or tartness. Something a little sly, a little wily. But on my tongue it only sounded grateful... Maybe even a little desperate. I felt a heat in my cheeks I could not attribute entirely to the fire and the wine. I was very grateful Furfur was out on the hunt, for I'm sure he would have laughed at me mercilessly. In those youthful days we found great joy in heckling each other.
Then there came upon us a moment of quiet that seemed to creep on just a little too long. I was very sensitive to what others might perceive as an awkward silence, so I hurried to fill it with the first thing that came to mind. “You smell like fish.” My heart leapt from my sleeve and off the Pristigia Cliffs, where it then sank to the bottom of the sea. Meanwhile my entire body went stiff with embarrassment.
I wanted to die.
deepens into them.
@Caspian oh no
