i'm up against these things i can't see ;
they don't compare ; make me believe, make me believe
T
here is something about divination that's both interesting but intimidating at the same time. I've heard of the Shed Stars back in Denocte but Momma never let me meet them. She said it could be too dangerous, but they always seemed nice enough. They wore pretty jewelry and some had eyes that glowed like crystals in moonlight. One of them complimented me on my own jewelry as we went by, the chains and bangles that Momma Zahra gave me, but Momma Morr shooed me away. I think they can be too powerful and so she wants to keep me safe. I get it, but I've always wondered how someone could read things to predict stuff. I wondered if they could actually predict the future.
When Momma left me for a bit to be with Aspara, I knew this might be my chance while she's not looking. It seems the Shed Stars have left a deck of cards out for free use on top of a tree stump (at least, this is what it looks like to me). I'm feeling a little mischievous today, but also this will distract me from all the bonfires that surround us (and how I somehow made embers spark at my feet back on the island).
No, I really don't want to think about that. Although part of me is curious if the cards are powerful enough to tell me more about it... Maybe later.
For now, I start shuffling the cards and give a big grin to Aspara. "Let me tell your future!" I say but in a deeper, more ominous voice. I don't really know how to shuffle cards so some just start falling out of the pile and onto the ground. One falls face up and I peek down to read the words on it - "Death."
she has something of her own,
something suffered, accomplished, perfected.
I had always been wary of divination and prophecy. I blamed this, in part, on the many stories I read as a girl (when my parents left, I became a voracious reader). In them, the main characters were always just playing out their fate- or else it was the opposite, and they burst dramatically from the rails of destiny to swing in the opposite direction. It was… uninspiring. I didn’t want to believe that everything in life was predetermined and thus bound to be followed or vehemently opposed; to be so black and white took the magic out of things, the mystery.
In short: I was determined to find my own truth, and I did not think it would be found in stars or cards or tea leaves. But it was harmless fun, so I followed along willingly as Maeve led me through the festival. There was something different about her that evening, a kind of rebellious streak I did not often see in her. At the time, I figured she was just becoming a teenager, and I could not blame her for it- I knew the tumult of that age well enough.
I giggled at her seriousness as she intones “Let me tell your future!” And proceeds to make a complete mess of the shuffling. At first I didn’t see the card that fell from the pile, for I had turned to look behind me, certain someone would be upset at our impromptu card reading. But nobody seemed bothered at all; nobody even looked our way.
Only when I turned back to Maeve did my glance fall upon the death card. I blinked and drew closer, studying the artwork and the lines. “Well, that doesn’t seem good.” My lips tilted upward into a sly smile. “And here I planned on living forever.” This was absolutely not true, of course, but I needed some way to deflect that strange discomfort the card gave me.
my heart still beats and my skin still feels
my lungs still breathe, my mind still fears
D
eath isn't really something that I thought about often. Momma's told me about it, although she also said that she was granted immortality (possibly by Caligo). So while some have to face death, others can avoid it. I'm not sure which I would prefer to be honest. I suppose it could be fun to be a kid forever and not have to worry about what comes after death. I can live in freedom like Leo does in the woods, but then I also worry it would be too lonely after a while.
So when Aspara says she planned on living forever, I miss the sarcasm in her tone. "What would you do?!" I ask, wide eyed. "You'd be stuck dealing with the same people forever and ever."Like Momma.
I take another look at the Death card. It's pretty gross, but I guess that's what happens in death. Your body isn't being used anymore, so it has to decay and go back to the Earth. In this card, it's an image of a bird and its skeleton, but there are still some tufts of feathers left. I shudder and look back at the deck. "Well I guess this just isn't in the cards for me," I say, although it takes me a moment to realize the pun. When I do, I can't help but laugh. It's the best way for me to try and distract from such a terrible sounding card.
For now, I leave it where it is. I'm not sure what to do with it yet, so I push the deck towards Aspara. "Your turn," I say, curious if she might be any better at this than I am.
