Veil said that she would introduce Jane to Torielle. Jane smiled and nodded, not out of awkwardness but out of the desire not to fall apart. The name Torielle filled Jane with a deep fear, a fear for what Jane felt she deserved. And when the dam broke, it broke spectacularly. Down beneath the trees, large sobs broke from her body. She saw Veil’s worried gaze for only a moment, as Jane closed her eyes.
But then Veil’s coat was there, her heat was there. Her wing wrapped tightly around Jane’s body, as though anchoring the two of them together. Jane’s sobs continued even as Veil continued to embrace her and speak. Of course I still want you around, the star said and Jane shivered with her own self hatred.
“But why should you? After how I’ve treated you, I- I should have stayed, I didn’t even pause before I agreed to come home-” And what god it had been. Back in Novus, only a hundred times more useless. “I ruined everything, Veil, absolutely everything. Every good thing that came into my life, I killed. I went away, I left you, the only true friend I have ever had and for what.” She choked on her sobs. “You want to hear something funny?” She let out a messy, broken laugh, “My husband is a gelding! I married a 15 year old gelding because I was so hungry, because I thought then my family would let me come home.”
Her tears rolled down her cheeks, glittering in the sun. “I will never have a legitimate child, my purpose is done. I will leave no trace after I pass, not a single contribution to the worldly state. I threw it all- threw it all.” She shook her head and, despite herself, pressed her face tightly against the warm coat of her sister. “This is what I deserve. I chose this fate, loneliness must be its cost.”
tagged; @[Veil Nebula]
i've never felt more alone it feels so scary getting old
Visions of your pretty face send me into hyper space
Caught up in a palentary world
Veil didn't hesitate in demonstrating emotional connection.
Jane was family in a way Veil hadn't experience before meeting Jane - and since meeting Jane, she had only felt such a connection with Torielle, and that one had been different. So different. So wonderfully different. Torielle was like promise, and fear, and temptation, and goodness, and future all rolled into a jumble of thoughts, emotions and colors: rose pink, and yellow and warmth, and joy. Jane was safe, like home. Like the taste of chocolate on your tongue, like the warmth of a blanket around your shoulders after running through the rain to get home. Jane was comfort. Torielle was desire, but both felt like family.
And wasn't that the joy of family, that they could come in any shape and size?
So as Jane fell apart, Veil held her close. Her wing closed in around her, holding the larger mare as she shook, her muzzle gently soothing over Jane's back and mane, ensuring that Jane wouldn't forget she was there for her, that no disappearance was going to chase Veil away. Jane had been the sister, the first taste of companionship Veil had ever experienced. And she would forgive Jane for trying to find a better way for them. How you treated me? She repeats quizzically, You gave me a home, Jane. You gave me a sense of companionship. Of family. You showed me what to eat, how to behave around others. You taught me to not go too far into the ocean, and taught me that the sweetness of fruit can't be compared. You taught me that even in darkness, the stars will still shine. Because you were my star when my loneliness was closing in like a black hole. You may have left, but I have to also acknowledge you were going home. We both know, I would have done the same to you, if the stars had told me how.
Veil's smile was warm, reassuring, as she pressed her muzzle against the Jane's cheek, a tender touch.
There is nothing you have done wrong, not in my eyes. She promised, before pulling back, ears flicking when Jane declared she had ruined things, that everything good in her life had been killed, married to a gelding, and immediately Veil was shushing her, Stop that. Hush now. I am still here. You haven't destroyed this, and frankly, sister, one cannot blame you for being hungry, for wanting to go home. She pulled Jane closer, her neck falling over Jane's back, hugging her so tightly, Jane would be able to notice the stillness of her chest, There were many times, even before you left where I tried to fly out of orbit you know. When the instinct the desire to go home was so strong, I didn't look back. I jumped, and lunged from the highest points, flew up high until the air turned frosty, and ice clung to my wings. The only thing that kept me coming home those days were the fact I couldn't go fast enough, high enough. How can I fault you for doing what I would have done, what I tried to do."
She pauses for a moment, coming back to the husband part.
Jane . . . his . . . status doesn't define your future. You may never have child you birth from your husband, no; but how many foals out there could use a home. Is the coven of blood the only bonds that tie? Are we not sisters, despite not being related? Would a child you adopted really not be legitimate, just because they did not come from your body. You still have so much to give. Your very presence here today has settled my mind with peace . . . you might have felt like you threw it away. . . but it is still sitting at your hooves, waiting for you to simply pick those items back up. Because they're not lost . . . And as long as I am here, sister; you shall never have to be lonely - for I simply will not allow it.
She had tasted the loneliness of space, she wouldn't allow Jane to experience anything even remotely similar.
Jane had thrown everything away without a second thought, and yet Veil took her back at once. It nearly made Jane hate herself more, feeling that she was robbing Veil of something precious. Surely, she didn’t understand. Surely, she didn’t grasp the weight of Jane’s actions. But didn’t she? Even as Jane tried to convince herself that she was unforgivable, Veil was grasping her and explaining and oh- it was so good to hear Veil’s voice. She hadn’t said a lot when they were together, and yet Veil’s voice was distinctly recognisable.
A dark wing pulled Jane closer, and Jane finally gave in to the desire to press against Veil’s coat. The darkness was warm and tender, like a mother’s arm. Something Jane hadn’t had in a long time- her mother had rarely extended affection to her daughter, so that she barely remembered what her mother’s embrace had felt like. Jane whimpered and pressed closer.
And then Veil said that she, too, had tried to go home. That she had jumped. And it was like a warm muzzle against Jane’s heart that filled her with the sense of relief. Slowly, weight began to slide from her shoulders. She looked at Veil through amber-dark eyes; worrying her lower lip. “I would have missed you. You are the best friend I ever had.”
Jane listened to her sister speak of her children, listened to her name that all was not lost. And perhaps Veil was right, that an adopted child would be just as worthy for her family as anyone else. And yet, Jane knew that her family had chosen this path for her with the knowledge that anything that came to her parentage would not be part of their family. They would never accept her child.
“I’ve been lonely for my entire life, except for when I have been with you.”
tagged; @Veil Nebula
i've never felt more alone it feels so scary getting old
Visions of your pretty face send me into hyper space
Caught up in a palentary world
Veil was a being of the stars.
Her mortal connections were limited. But the ones she did hold were all the more precious for that reason. Jane may see herself as unworthy - but to Veil, she was more precious than gemstones and jewels. More precious then her found ability to speak. Because Veil was with her sister once more. Her sister had returned, and while their time apart had been difficult, Veil would cling with all she had that she not lose Jane once more, and so Veil shared the truth. She spoke gently as she pulled Jane close, as she kept her close, promising that Jane hadn't been the only one wishing to go home.
She couldn't blame her.
She smiled gently as she watched the other mare, laughing warmly, I've missed you as well, Jane. I'm so glad you're back. She agrees, nuzzling the larger mare again, settling herself with her friend close by again, explaining that all was not over net. This did not have to be the end for Jane, for her story, her life. Do not ever feel lonely, Jane. You claim me as family - a star. And when you claim one of us, you claim all of us. Even if I am not near, the other stars still would be looking down at you, smiling at you. And should you ever need me, they would be sure to inform me. You never have to be lonely again. She promised.
And I'll be sure to introduce you to many more individuals too.
If Veil were a star, Jane must be a meteor. Or an exoplanet, a reject that had been kicked from her original orbit and who now sailed through the universe in total isolation. In all her years she had sailed adrift, untouched by mother or lover or even husband. Her skin was so foreign to touch that her own mother’s breath made Jane shrink inward. It was wretched to see the affection that said mother now lavished upon the desired son.
But then she had sailed past Veil, and had been trapped in that mare’s orbit. Or- not trapped. She had been gripped and pressed into an embrace to which Jane felt grateful and comfortable for the first time in her life.
Veil promised her friendship, promised not to leave her alone. And Jane closed her eyes, willing it to be so. “Thank you. I would love to be a part of your world,” Jane said and submitted to her sister’s embrace.
tagged; @Veil Nebula
ooc; i think we can start wrapping this up
i've never felt more alone it feels so scary getting old
