EIK vs SERAPHINA
@Eik - Total: 55/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 18/30, Realism: 15/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 7/15, Realism 7/15
WRITING: Creativity 3/5, Realism 3/5, Mechanics 2/5
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
@Seraphina - Total: 74/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 23/30, Realism: 19/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 10/15, Realism 10/15
WRITING: Creativity 5/5, Realism 4/5, Mechanics 3/5
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
CLOSING REMARKS:
I don’t know why, but for whatever reason I ended up judging this a lot more harshly than I expected. Overall it was a really interesting fight to read, and I like how you guys made it into a spar, but that they both were very emotional after the Davke attack, and so they weren’t really giving it their all as far as brutality. With Ike, I would’ve liked to have seen smoother writing with a little more flow. Plus, you had a couple places where I wasn’t sure what was going on and it brought me out of the fight. I absolutely loved Sera in this fight, the emotion was all there, the thought was all there, and everything flowed seamlessly together. The only trouble I had, was with you guys confusing where some of your attacks and damages went. I know the scores are on the lower end, but please don’t think that I think your writing is crap, like I said I just judged it a little tougher. This was a very interesting read. Well done!
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 18/30, Realism: 15/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 7/15, Realism 7/15
WRITING: Creativity 3/5, Realism 3/5, Mechanics 2/5
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST (intro)
- Gives a little insight to Eik’s mentality. Good description/lead up to explain him favoring an old wound. Jumping in between tenses confused me a little but nothing too bad
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: Good job matching Sera’s backed off attacks. Receiving appropriate injury.
- Offensive: You probably could have written your attack in a way that didn’t require an OOC note. Other than I thought it was a creative attack. It would be hard to maneuver in that tight of a space. On the flip side, would a horse really use his freshly wounded shoulder in his next attack?
- Mechanics: A few grammatical errors, but it was clearly intentional as part of your writing. (As in your intro as well.) I’d like a little more flow.
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: (block) I don’t know if I’d count this as a block or not. He didn’t really block her grabbing his mane, and you didn’t even reference the part about her going for his flank. I really needed something more clear here.
- Offensive: I see what you’re doing with trying to provide options for Sera’s reaction, but I think by listing the options it comes off less helpful and more powerplaying. (Not that you did! But be careful… )
- Mechanics: “But we digress” seems In appropriate wording, since there wasn’t a lot to digress from? Just a bit awkward there in general. Your parenthetical aside made no sense to me, especially since you didn’t do anything with this imagery/voice in your earlier posts.
- Notes: I’m confused about where Sera is in relation to EIK, and therefore where his attack is going. I thought that Sera going on to bite his flank meant that her neck would be out of range of his hooves. This all being said the emotion at the end felt good to read and brought me back into the fight.
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OFFENSIVE: Creativity 23/30, Realism: 19/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 10/15, Realism 10/15
WRITING: Creativity 5/5, Realism 4/5, Mechanics 3/5
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST
- Offensive: I like how clearly wrote this attack, and how her emotion causes her to strike lighter than she might have if she acted on blind anger.
- Mechanics: Nothing of note.
- Notes: Holy smokes that was long! That being said, I didn’t get lost in it the flow is good and you gave really good background and how Sera feels As well as what has brought her to this point. Seeing as how clueless I am to much that happens at Novus, this was a great recap!
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: I’m not sure I understand Sera taking the damage on her chest instead of her side? Eik clearly stated that he was aiming for the side of her body.
- Offensive: This seems like two attacks in one (grab mean, bites flank) so avoid that in the future.
- Mechanics: This isn’t all mechanics related, but I’m stickin it here anyway. I like reading her flow of emotions and how they dictate her actions. It seems a little conflicting with your first post when you said everything faded away? Also not a fan of the parentheses. You probably could’ve left them out but kept the content. It seems like too much info for the “aside “parentheses are meant for.
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: (block) I love that her collar took the brunt of the tack, plus your description of its make and the limitations it has.
- Mechanics: The motion that you’ve woven seamlessly throughout this post, and this thread in general, has been terrific and really kept me engaged as a reader.
CLOSING REMARKS:
I don’t know why, but for whatever reason I ended up judging this a lot more harshly than I expected. Overall it was a really interesting fight to read, and I like how you guys made it into a spar, but that they both were very emotional after the Davke attack, and so they weren’t really giving it their all as far as brutality. With Ike, I would’ve liked to have seen smoother writing with a little more flow. Plus, you had a couple places where I wasn’t sure what was going on and it brought me out of the fight. I absolutely loved Sera in this fight, the emotion was all there, the thought was all there, and everything flowed seamlessly together. The only trouble I had, was with you guys confusing where some of your attacks and damages went. I know the scores are on the lower end, but please don’t think that I think your writing is crap, like I said I just judged it a little tougher. This was a very interesting read. Well done!
