ASTERION vs RAYMOND
@ASTERION - Total: 65/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 25/30, Realism: 18/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 8/15, Realism 6/15
WRITING: Creativity 3/5, Realism 2/5, Mechanics 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 23, Health 10, Attack 10
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
@Raymond - Total: 86/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 26/30, Realism: 23/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 12/15, Realism 13/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 4/5, Mechanics 4/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 10, Health 8, Attack 12
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
CLOSING REMARKS:
Great fight guys! I know next to nothing about Asterion and definitely nothing about Raymond so this was a little insight into the two of them. I love their dynamic and you guys kept up the teacher/student theme extremely well through the thread. Overall Raymond was just a cleaner, smoother read. The biggest problem I had with Raymond's was in the first post with the pronoun shindig. Asterion I liked but it was really unclear to me the severity of his wounds and how he stood still after his first attack. So, this fight goes to Raymond for me. Again, good job!! :)
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 25/30, Realism: 18/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 8/15, Realism 6/15
WRITING: Creativity 3/5, Realism 2/5, Mechanics 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 23, Health 10, Attack 10
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST (intro)
- I like the flashback to his fight with Flora, though you maybe could have delved into that a little more. There was some awkward wording and grammar usage that, cleaned up, might have gotten me into your fight intro a little more.
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: I like how you explain the reasoning of playing into Raymond's feint (fearing the blade). "It wells" --> indicate the blood as "it" for smoother reading. Could use more detail on severity (or lack thereof) of wound.
- Offensive: Realistic attack except for attacking with injured leg? Not trying to move away from Raymond when it seems like the injury is a flesh wound seems extremely unrealistic. He's not trying to protect himself at all.
- Mechanics: they/the*, listening actions with ", and" instead of just normal commas, "it" - ?, "shifting from movement to movement" awkward word choice
- Notes: I would have said which story he remembers -- we know what Raymond was thinking but Asterion doesn't. Make it seem more like a coincidental thought.
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: Love the description of the petulant boy -- goes well with the teacher/student scene! Confused however on the damage he takes and how it is affecting him.
- Offensive: I like the assessment of danger (Raymond's tail) and description of his breed/stature and how it plays into everything.
- Mechanics: twilit/twilight*, it/is*, comma splice, change of tense mid-paragraph, "hand of height"?
- Notes: Your description of his first wound makes me question again your decision to keep him unmoving in your first post. Overall nicely written but the damage taken in this thread leaves me confuzzled.
@Raymond - Total: 86/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 26/30, Realism: 23/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 12/15, Realism 13/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 4/5, Mechanics 4/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 10, Health 8, Attack 12
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST
- Offensive: I love the feint! The cover of course is the most obvious attack. This definitely helps with creativity on this attack. Clever using the sun's assistance as well!
- Mechanics: You had a lot of vague pronoun/antecedent usage throughout your post up until the attack itself. Make sure it's clear whether "he" is Asterion or Raymond!
- Notes: I like the comparison between the two stallions throughout the post. ("Little has changed"/"little is the same" was interesting!) Very good examining their physical differences and what might determine the battle.
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: Very good creativity and realism with taking that damage. Honestly, it was exactly what I was looking for and reflected a lot of what I was thinking when I read Asterion's post!
- Offensive: Attack was logical and I like how you're accounting for the wound affecting his attack.
- Mechanics: This post was infinitely smoother and clearer than your last. I really enjoyed it!
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: (Block) Flows well, enjoying the continued teacher perspective and description of stiffness, plus Raymond's anticipation and analyzing! That being said, I didn't see anywhere where you wrote Asterion brushed against Raymond. I only saw that in the summary! Even when you block make sure you get in all the details.
- Mechanics: Sentence fragment, semicolon misused
CLOSING REMARKS:
Great fight guys! I know next to nothing about Asterion and definitely nothing about Raymond so this was a little insight into the two of them. I love their dynamic and you guys kept up the teacher/student theme extremely well through the thread. Overall Raymond was just a cleaner, smoother read. The biggest problem I had with Raymond's was in the first post with the pronoun shindig. Asterion I liked but it was really unclear to me the severity of his wounds and how he stood still after his first attack. So, this fight goes to Raymond for me. Again, good job!! :)
