[Judged] Hellbent for leather

[sid]

RAYMOND vs PAVETTA

@Raymond - Total: 73/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 23/30, Realism: 18/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 9/15, Realism 12/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 4/5, Mechanics 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 10, Health 8, Attack 12

Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)

• FIRST POST (intro)
  
  • Hello Raymond, nice to see you as calm, cool, and confident as always. A couple of small typos(like “battlefiled”, but a good intro post. I like that there’s background to it.

• SECOND POST
  
  • Defensive: I really love that you were realistic here, and that Ray didn’t see her change of plans until her change of plan occurred, and reacted based on that.
  • Offensive: I love seeing his tail blade come into play; and how multiple things are happening at once. It makes sense to both be reacting to her attack while also forming his own, it’s what horses in the wild do while fighting! I love his commentary throughout this.
  • Mechanics:
  • Notes: I really appreciate his taking a second to compare himself to Pavetta; it’s just as tactical and analytical as I would expect from him, and it draws me into his character more and more. I like his flashback’s to the recent attack with Asterion, as well!

• THIRD POST
  
  • Defensive: I was a little confused by what he was trying to do, whether he was running into her or away, based on their positions, so I’m not entirely sure how realistic this would be. But incorporating his dodge and attack seamlessly gets bonus points from me.
  • Offensive: I had to go read the summary before I really understood what he was trying to do; I have a hard time seeing this play out in my mind, though the way he uses his body and tail is definitely creative.
  • Mechanics: A couple more typos (“momentup”) and a run-on sentence, but it all ties together pretty nicely.
  • Notes: I have to say, I love how much background you give; you bring in memories, and refer back to previous posts, and it really paints a story in my mind. I also love how calculating he is, it plays true to his history as a warrior to be able to analyze her in milliseconds. I would like to see him react more than plan in such short notices, but he’s staying true to his character and I can appreciate that! I also really like that you included a fourth post with his reaction to her dodge, and some additional commentary and dialogue. It’s a nice way to wrap up the battle. c:

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@PAVETTA - Total: 84/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 26/30, Realism: 23/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 14/15, Realism 10/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 4/5, Mechanics 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 10, Health 7, Attack 13

Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)

• FIRST POST
  
  • Defensive: N/A
  • Offensive: Okay I really love this attack. I love how you set it up, I love how she switched plans last-second because of his tail. It’s reckless and reflects her impulsivity quite well. Including her slip on the sandy footing, I can see this playing out very well in my head, as well.
  • Mechanics: A few confusing sentences, but for the most part this read clean and easy and I can’t pinpoint specific errors.
  • Notes: Oh sweet Pavetta, seeing this more brutal and impulsive side of her is very nice. I especially love how you first talked about her being brash, and struggling to come up with a plan, then executed it nicely in her attack.

• SECOND POST
  
  • Defensive: No true block used, but I enjoyed reading her reaction here, as well as the realism employed with her not having time to dodge, only to react to the blade.
  • Offensive: This attack may not have been creative, if it wasn’t for the way she described it. I like that she basically sets up the same attack she did before, but this time doesn’t waver and confronts him face to face. I’m not sure how well the horn would play out in such close contact, but I do like that she’s employing it!
  • Mechanics: Some tense switches between past and present, nothing too distracting, and no typos that I could see.
  • Notes: I love Pavetta’s commentary here, it’s almost like she’s rediscovering herself… which, as I recall, was a point made not only in the first post of this battle, but also a few other posts from her I’ve read, and I love that she’s experiencing a full on character arc! I also really appreciated that you took the entire post to detail her reaction and attack, rather than leaving it to a couple sentences and filling the rest up with fluff!

• THIRD POST
  
  • Defensive: Oml how dramatic, she blocks his tail blade with her horn and I love it, it’s like they’re crossing swords and is so much more creative than simply dodging or running away. I love that her block is just as reckless as her, it’s like she realizes in hindsight that it may not have been the smartest move, but hey if it works it works.
  • Offensive: N/A
  • Mechanics: A couple of strange wordings, I understand your intent but a few places may have been better rewritten. Such as in the second sentence, “she felt foolish and denied the contact”, it reads to me as if she’s the one denying him something, whereas in actuality she’s the one being denied her intended hit. If that makes sense? c; Also a few other weird mishaps, like “avoid” vs “avoided”, or the way “Excitement or weariness” is it’s own sentence, that make it a bit harder to read. However I still like the flow overall.
  • Notes: Her reaction to missing him is A+. That is all.