[Judged] lost shores and reveries

[sid]

THEOSDOSIA vs MARISOL

@Theodosia - Total: 73/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 24/30, Realism: 19/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 10/15, Realism:  10/15
WRITING: Creativity: 4/5, Realism: 3/5, Mechanics: 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 10, Health 10, Attack 10

Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)

• FIRST POST (intro)
  
  • I really like Theodosia’s entrance, how she’s simultaneously relaxed and ready. And her reasoning for being there fits her mood.

• SECOND POST
  
  • Defensive:  When horses run, they’re typically pretty loud; I’d expect Theo to have a bit more time to react, but since she also wasn’t really expecting the attack to come from behind, I can see this happening just as well. I would have liked to see her explain the hit a bit more; if the air is being knocked out of her, I’m not sure she’d have been able to roll or jump up as quickly as she did!
  • Offensive: A pretty plain attack, but I like how the language you chose pretties it up; the sudden cut, and the way she “hangs in the air” before planting and using her teeth rather than her hooves ups the creativity aspect.
  • Mechanics: Some long sentences again, but it actually reads in a bit of a rushed way and seems to tie in pretty well to her mood, and anxiously awaiting the next attack.
  • Notes: I do like this post overall, it reads easy and plays true to her mood and experience.

• THIRD POST
  
  • Defensive:  This was the final post, and there wasn’t any official block used; I did like reading through her reactions to things, but I think she could have spent at least partial blocks in this post or the last? Especially if she’s described as a seasoned warrior, I think she’d have been able to maneuver her body a little better.
  • Offensive: I’m not sure how well this attack would actually play out; they’re so close together, I can’t see her gaining enough momentum to crash back into Marisol. I think engaging her with her teeth may have been more realistic, but I like that she’s trying to take advantage of Marisol being off-balance!
  • Mechanics: A couple of awkward sentences threw me off, that seemed choppy and didn’t seem to flow like the rest of the post.
  • Notes: The “lifetime of training” throws me off, since Theo is only 3 and Marisol only 4, and Theo only has  a base level of EXP and is here to train/learn. I do like that she focuses more on her attack and defense than on her ache; it’s as if she’s entered survival mode and I enjoy seeing it come into play. Overall, this was a fun battle to read and I liked reading more into Theodosia! I haven’t gotten a chance to read much from her, so this was a fun insight into her. c:

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@Marisol - Total: 80/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 28/30, Realism: 21/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 12/15, Realism: 11/15
WRITING: Creativity: 3/5, Realism: 3/5, Mechanics: 2/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 13, Health 10, Attack 10

Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)

• FIRST POST
  
  • Defensive: N/A
  • Offensive: I think it’s creative that she comes from behind; perhaps a dirtier way of fighting, but Marisol seems to make it work in her favor well enough. I’m not sure how she can angle for her ribs without doing some sort of arc, but I like her intent.
  • Mechanics: I found several long sentences that could have been broken up into smaller ones, but the post flows really nicely and easily!
  • Notes: Ahh I really like Marisol’s entrance, how she sneaks up on her and then charges; it’s a good intro to a training, and definitely less common than the usual “hi hello let’s fight”.

• SECOND POST
  
  • Defensive:  Based on the intentness she watches Theo with, I like that she’s prepared to take on her attack. I’m not sure however why she allows Theo to actually sink into her wing; there are so many other ways she could have lifted her wing to prevent the attack altogether, and allowed Theodosia to miss.
  • Offensive: I’d have liked to see more explanation on her attack; it seems vague and hard to follow along. I appreciate that Marisol is following her instinct, but I’d have liked to see you step back from her emotions and describe it a bit more clearly! Since they’re in such close proximity, I think her attack on Theo’s crest is nice and realistic, and I enjoy her commentary/talking herself into fighting back.
  • Mechanics: The second-to-last paragraph is hard to read; it seems more to ramble and jump around than follow a cohesive thought, and it left me a bit confused as to what was actually going on.  And the last paragraph is a single sentence, that easily could have been broken up into 4 or more.
  • Notes: I love her commentary here in the beginning, how she watches Theodosia and analyzes her with a  practiced eye. She plays really true to her character, and I’m loving this bit of instinctual feel I’m getting from her.

• THIRD POST
  
  • Defensive: I’m not sure how effective ducking forward would be; there’s only so low a horse can get! I think ducking to the side would have been a bit more realistic, but I like the way you played out your dodge.
  • Offensive: There’s no new attack here, but I like seeing her reaction to the hit Theo took!
  • Mechanics: Some more long sentences that read in a somewhat anxious manner, I’ve had to go back and reread a few times to understand her emotions and actions. If I wasn’t having to stop and judge, it would have read pretty easily I think, if a little vague! Also a couple of typos, using “her” instead of “she”.
  • Notes: I have really enjoyed seeing Marisol’s feral side here; she’s been consistent throughout the entire battle, and I really appreciate that!