ASTERION vs EIK
@ASTERION - Total: 80/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 25/30, Realism: 18/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 13/15, Realism: 13/15
WRITING: Creativity: 4/5, Realism: 4/5, Mechanics: 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 35, Health 20, Attack 20
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
@Eik - Total: 81/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 25/30, Realism: 21/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 14/15, Realism: 11/15
WRITING: Creativity: 3/5, Realism: 4/5, Mechanics: 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 29, Health 18, Attack 22
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
Closing Remarks: Guys, this honestly has been one of my favorite battles of all time to read. You both did so well, and I have thoroughly enjoyed their interactions with each other, they make a fantastic pair! Well done, to both of you. ;u; (Also you guys were so matched imo that this scoring was so close?!)
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 25/30, Realism: 18/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 13/15, Realism: 13/15
WRITING: Creativity: 4/5, Realism: 4/5, Mechanics: 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 35, Health 20, Attack 20
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST (intro)
- A simple entrance post, I like how it sets the mood and gives a reason for his being there! Just a personal preference really, but you like to describe Asterion as “the bay”, and it may start to get a little repetitive by the 3rd or 4th time!
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: Not a true block, but I like the way you describe his damage taken - as well as his sudden realization as to the difficulty it causes his breathing, which makes sense based on where he was struck!
- Offensive: I wish there was a little more detail in this part of the post; it’s short and somewhat vague, but because it’s so straightforward I can see it playing out in my mind. Since you’ve described them as being in close proximity, I’m not sure how well his attack will work with such little force applied? Of course if Eik is off balanced it will certainly help, and I like his thought acknowledging that!
- Mechanics: The flow of this whole post is really nice; I like how it goes from his thoughts to Eik’s attack, to Asterion’s parry, it all fits really nicely and nothing really stuck out to me while reading it, except for a few choppy sentences that interrupt the flow a bit!
- Notes: Can I just say that I really, really appreciate Asterion’s commentary here?! I love his observations of his opponent’s scars, combined with his gentle trust in Eik, and how his instincts take over because of how wrapped up in his thoughts he is. It does make me question his role on the battlefield a bit, but it’s so uniquely him haha.
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: No true block again, which I would have liked to see - but I do really like the way that you write his response to Eik’s attack! It makes sense, and your comparison helps me to see it a little bit better (though I do question it’s place in this post a little!) It’s a natural close to the battle that I can see playing out c:
- Offensive: Okay this definitely made me laugh a bit; perhaps it’s just the wording “a reminder, maybe, to watch his ass”, but it’s flashy and in good humor and I can see it playing out, since Eik did so graciously offered his ass to him c;
- Mechanics: Not as smooth as your last post, but I can’t pinpoint anything that jumps out or inhibits it c:
- Notes: I may totally be interpreting that first sentence wrong, but it reads slightly off to me; in the post before, you were talking about how little scars Asterion has, and now you’re talking about how worn he is… may be a different connotation, but I do like how you’re continuing the same content. c:
@
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 25/30, Realism: 21/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 14/15, Realism: 11/15
WRITING: Creativity: 3/5, Realism: 4/5, Mechanics: 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 29, Health 18, Attack 22
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST
- Defensive: N/A
- Offensive: First off I love that he aims high—it stays true to this being a spar, rather than an all-out fight. The pivot adds a bit of flair to an otherwise plain attack, and it seems realistic enough in my book!
- Mechanics: You seem to switch between long, compound sentences and short fragments; it makes this post read a little choppy! Few typos, few grammatical errors other than a run-on here and there.
- Notes: I find it a little strange that he wants to hit hard and fast and end the spar quickly; it’s a friendly fight, so the urgency to end it seems out of character. Nonetheless, I rather enjoyed Eik’s entrance and his observations! The inclusion of the environment in your post was nice. c:
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: No true block used, but I like how he manages to stay on his feet and why he wants to stay on his feet! He’s thinking like a true tactician. That said, I’m not sure how the breath would be knocked out of him by Asterion’s attack, since they hit more shoulder to shoulder (but I could have misread that!)
- Offensive: The cow-kick oml I love it more than I probably should haha. For real though, I like how automatic and instinctive and downright blind it is, and it fits well with the timeline! Not the shiniest of attacks, but just the uniqueness of the kick (as well as his mentality, and not wanting to hurt his friend) give it extra points imo c:
- Mechanics: A few strange hiccups “were [a] dime a dozen,” “in attempt”, etc. Overall I think this flow improved a lot from your first post!
- Notes: I really like that you continued along with Asterion’s thoughts on Eik’s scars; it creates a nice back and forth that really ties both of these characters together. ;u; I also appreciate Eik’s whole commentary, slipping in and out of joy for the battle and care for his friend in a very natural feeling way.
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: With Eik’s experience, it makes sense that the pain is farther from his mind; he’s in fight-mode, and he’s rolling with the punches and always thinking of his next move. For this hit, specifically, his little squeal really paints a picture in my mind like I’m watching two horses actually go at each other haha. I also like that you didn’t try to dress it up with “he can feel the blood begin gushing”, etc, which I see a lot - even when it’s out of place in an attack like this. It was a breath of fresh air, and realistic in my mind!
- Offensive: No attacks left, just a nice natural ending that I like!
- Mechanics: Even your long sentences flow - it makes me feel as if I am literally in Eik’s mind alongside him, my thoughts rushing in the same way as his, and I honestly just really enjoyed the flow of it.
- Notes: I like the recap - too often I see people forget what happened in their previous post, and never address their reactions to their last hit/miss, etc, so I appreciate that you continued this pretty much right from your last post c:
Closing Remarks: Guys, this honestly has been one of my favorite battles of all time to read. You both did so well, and I have thoroughly enjoyed their interactions with each other, they make a fantastic pair! Well done, to both of you. ;u; (Also you guys were so matched imo that this scoring was so close?!)
